Help needed for severely matted hair for housebound teen

[Clockworkbanana]

I need urgent help with severely matted hair. My teen dd is housebound, hasn’t been out for over 2 years and has severe OCD / anxiety and autism.
Her hair has become severely matted due to not washing it or brushing it. We tried to have a go at detangling it dry, it didn’t work, so looked up advice / videos online and said to try olive oil to give it enough slip…tried that, no good, tried conditioner, no good. She ended up putting a tiny bit of shampoo on the mat to get rid of some oil but then after that she was exhausted and distraught, so gave up.
With her OCD, she hates having stuff on her hair or skin, so this is like her worst nightmare.
Her hair is really long and fine, there was split which we managed to undo a bit but the rest is just swallowed up in the matted bit.
She won’t go anywhere to see a professional hairdresser and I’m finding it difficult to find someone to come to the house.
I’ve ordered some African pride moisture miracle pre shampoo and also some
cowboy detangler after looking online.
Can anyone help? Any suggestions? I’m just devastated it’s gotten this bad and I just feel awful for her. I dont want her to lose her hair, it’s literally the only bit of her she ever liked 😔

I know where I get my hair done they have had a teen in this situation in before the salon opened and are so patient and lovely.

Are you in the UK? if so where?

edited to say they would def come to your house in this situation

If it's severely matted and she won't allow you to put anything on it without getting distraught then the reality is that you are likely to have to cut it out.

She isn't going out anyway and so I would be inclined to cut it out and then let it grow but make sure she is brushing it every day so that the same thing doesn't happen again.

Thankyou. We’re in the North East of England. Wish I could get her to go somewhere.

Might it be worth using detangling spray or conditioner spray and working on a small section x it wouldnt be quick but might be easier for your dd to cope with, @Clockworkbanana.

I have a friend who developed a similar problem with her hair, and eventually decided to have it cut short, to get rid of the mats, then grew it out again.

Thanks for your reply..sorry I didn’t make myself very clear, she’s ok with putting stuff on her hair but only if it can be washed out, it’s the feeling of it being left on but then the advice online was to not wash the hair after we’d made this mess, so we’re kind of stuck now!

She will never do this again, I’m sure.
I’ve tried to encourage her / argue / ask nicely etc. to brush it, but her mood has been so low and it’s a bit of a complex situation.

Can you cut it out yourself or just cut all of her hair right back and let it regrow?

heaps of conditioner and combing out from the ends to the scalp. It will take a long time. It may be less awful to cut it.

Thankyou. We did try detangler. It’s hard to section because the mat seems to be in one lump. I think she’s be ok with cutting some, but some of the mat is right at the scalp :(

My daughter had similar issues. We used loads and loads of detangling spray and just steadily and lightly brushed her hair. It took a while, but she was happy when it was done.

Hi @Clockworkbananawhat type of hair does your daughter have? Is it curly, straight, fine? A lot of things will be very specific to her hair type? I'm sorry it's so upsetting for you both 🌺

There are stylists who do dematting. This is really not at all an uncommon thing. Happens to a lot of people due to various health reasons. I would look and see if you could find someone local to you who would come to your home to do it. Alternatively, a short haircut would remove the mats and be easier to manage. That could also be done at home.

I can’t see if you’ve said you’ve tried an actual deranging brush?

If not lots and lots of a conditioner like Pantene that coats the hair. Leave it for 39 mins and then deranging brush starting at the roots.

Wash the conditioner out and then brush some more.

Then put some more conditioner on and leave and repeat the process.

I’ve done this with another YP and it took a week of doing this daily but we got there in the end and now she asks to have her hair brushed daily.

Have you tried a tangle teezer hairbrush? They aren’t miracle workers but I think they are better than a lot of brushes.

If she doesn’t leave the house could you cut most of it off? Then keep it short by trimming it monthly.

Split hair into sections if you can and use a tangle teaser brush with detangling spray. Try and hold hair, if you can, above the matted bit - even if you can only hold with two fingers and go bit by bit. Use fingers to work apart alongside the tangle teaser.

Best of luck OP.

Thanks for all your replies.

To answer some questions….She has long fine hair, but a lot of it.

We have got a tangle tweezer brush and tried that, a wide tooth comb and a tail comb.

I do feel like some of the problem
is me, I’m rubbish with hair stuff! I have short fine hair so never really do anything much hair related .

She wants to try and save as much hair as she can, I said well try but she knows we may have to cut some off.

I think if we do manage to get this sorted. She won’t ever let it happen again!

Ive tried local mobile hairdressers but not many replies or the ones that have don’t have much availability. The specialist salon would be ideal but I can’t get her out to go 😔

I feel like we need to shampoo to get the olive oil out properly or the detangler / conditioner wont penetrate the hair. But then I don’t want to make it worse. God, I just have no idea.

Have a search for this on Instagram. There are a few accounts that are hairstylists who detangle mats. Mostly American the ones I’ve seen.

Would your daughter watch these with you? It might help her to see others in the situation and what a detangling service looks like. Make it familiar to her. They often have advice on how to approach doing it yourself.

That’s what happened with me when I was in a psychiatric hospital. No need to cut it.

My son had extremely dry hair that turned dreadlocky for a while. We washed hair with the hydrating herbal essence, then put the same herbal essence conditioner and left it in then washed out. Did this two or three days in a row (no brushing), then same but then wide toothed comb to gently brush and we salvaged his hair. Best of luck op x

I find detangling much easier with wet conditioner drenched hair, though I perhaps the advice is different for really tough mats (I do curly girl, have thick hair and run a lot so get a little matted at times!). What I would try to avoid is rubbing products into tangled hair or towel drying it, as this can make the knots worse.

Once it's as slippery as possible, start tackling the edge of the mat which is furthest away from the scalp, trying to get as few hairs as possible at a time so you have as little resistance as possible and the knots can unwind without getting tangled up with other knots.

Tangle teasers are very gentle and have short bristles so they don't pick up much hair at a time, so good for this task if you're patient but not great for maintenance of thick hair.

A home hairdresser would be perfect. When I was in a psychiatric hospital (only been in twice for 4 months at a time), a hairdresser with his own salon came and trimmed/cut my hair (and others hair, it was a monthly regular service). I was already in the hospital but this was in a safe space, I did not need to go out. You’d need a good hairdresser but that’s about it. He wasn’t a specialist either.

Use Mane & Tail detangling spray and keep running the Tangle Teezer over it. When the top layer is knot free clip it up, put more spray on the matted lump and run the brush over again until the surface is mat free. Repeat many, many times - it will get there eventually.

My DC has long fine hair and got a massive knot in it. They whacked a whole loads of products on their head but was just left with a massive greasy knot. I started to help brush with a tangle tamer and for a while thought I’d made it worse but I kept going and after many hours got it out. I thought it was going to have to be cut and there was no way to hide it. If you can both cope, hours of gentle brush, segment where you can and take lots of breaks. It took me about 4 hours.

I used to find when dd's hair got matted the easiest thing to do was use lots of detangling spray or conditioner, and then sit and unpick the matted sections with my fingers. Once a section was unpicked I would use the wide toothed comb, and then the tangle tamer brush (better than tangle teezer imo).
If you can't do it all in one session wash out the product and then plait the parts you've managed to un-matt so it stays good until you're ready to try again.

Canter Silk mane and tail conditioner for horses, it will get tangles out of anything!