Help needed for severely matted hair for housebound teen

[Clockworkbanana]

I need urgent help with severely matted hair. My teen dd is housebound, hasn’t been out for over 2 years and has severe OCD / anxiety and autism.
Her hair has become severely matted due to not washing it or brushing it. We tried to have a go at detangling it dry, it didn’t work, so looked up advice / videos online and said to try olive oil to give it enough slip…tried that, no good, tried conditioner, no good. She ended up putting a tiny bit of shampoo on the mat to get rid of some oil but then after that she was exhausted and distraught, so gave up.
With her OCD, she hates having stuff on her hair or skin, so this is like her worst nightmare.
Her hair is really long and fine, there was split which we managed to undo a bit but the rest is just swallowed up in the matted bit.
She won’t go anywhere to see a professional hairdresser and I’m finding it difficult to find someone to come to the house.
I’ve ordered some African pride moisture miracle pre shampoo and also some
cowboy detangler after looking online.
Can anyone help? Any suggestions? I’m just devastated it’s gotten this bad and I just feel awful for her. I dont want her to lose her hair, it’s literally the only bit of her she ever liked 😔

Use a metal hair pick to loosen the knot. Use talc powder on the worse mats. Keep going over it starting at the very bottom. It will take ages but it will loosen.

Dont panic @Clockworkbanana I do this with my ND teens at times. The best thing to do is to start slowly teasing the hairs apart. Even you cant find an end, eventually you will start to see the hair lengthening out. Best thing I find is to get as comfy as possible in front of the tv and put something on you both like, or she can have phone and earphones, whatever works best, and just slowly work away at it. Your hands and lap might get mucky so have some towels nearby and something to collect the hairs in that come away. Dont bealarmed by how much hair will come away, it is 2 years worth of hairs that would have fallen out with brushing etc had that been happening. Take breaks for movement, regulation and snacks/loo etc every 30 mins or so, trick is to have a break before it gets too much for her. It might take a few goes to get through it all, if you have a sleep bonnet or a tshirt she could wear at night to prevent further tangling if she is ok with that.

Not to be rude but it might smell slightly as you work further in, I find sucking strong mints enough generally.

Not to be rude but it might smell slightly as you work further in, I find sucking strong mints enough generally.

😱That is genuinely horrifying!

OP, I wonder whether you could order some hairdressing scissors and clips from Amazon.

If her hair is really long, you could perhaps reduce the length by trimming each section once it is untangled.

It just means less hair to tangle up in the future.

I see that people have suggested a Biro and a knitting needle.

It sounds odd, but these do work. I have very fine fair hair which was quite long some time ago. I made a makeshift bun one day which got into a real tangle and I used one of those Bic plain biros to tease it apart. I can imagine the knitting needle working too.

A comb like this with a point might help.

Kent Handmade 190mm Tail Comb A 8T – Hand-Sawn Cellulose Acetate Comb for Fine Hair, Precision Sectioning, Smoothing & Styling https://amzn.eu/d/02YaAXJz

I don’t have any advice to add, except to say that it’s true that matted human hair really can be untangled even if it doesn’t seem possible right now. The comments about not worrying if lots of hair appears to be falling out once you get going are really helpful - this will absolutely be the hairs that would’ve fallen out daily over however long your daughter hasn’t been brushing.

But I’ve found this thread to really demonstrate the very best of MN. So many helpful posts. If nothing else, you know you and your daughter are far from the only ones this has happened to, @Clockworkbanana. I really hope between the two of you and the tips on this thread you get somewhere with this. I’m also hoping that the fact she wants to get it sorted might be a good sign for other things moving in a positive direction too.

You sound like a great mum.

Is she not in college or training? That's really sad, I hope you've got some good support x

You've had lots of advice re detangling but you also need advice on getting the olive oil out.
I hope someone can help.

Charming. So helpful.

Google suggests massaging shampoo. Into the dry hair and then adding water.

I find a wide tooth comb is definitely best, not a tangle teezer. Best brush for us is a traditional Denmans brush (Mason Pearson knock off). Bon courage, it’s a rotten job but it will be worth it if you can save her hair. Good luck to both of you

OP... I googled "Hair detangling services in the North East of England" and it came up with three in Newcastle and one in Sunderland.
Even if those are not near you, you could ring them for advice before you try any more lotions etc.. and they may well know of other hairdressers that are mobile or will visit. There were also suggestions of national ones too.
Hope you find a way out of this knotty problem.

I would try washing up liquid to remove the oil, OP.

Perhaps the Ecover one.

Then a normal shampoo afterwards.

You want a comb with thin teeth that are fairly widely spaced and no moulding sprue. Not a brush. A pintail comb lets you use the tail to break the knots up.

Start by trying to unravel the bottom 1cm of one edge. Make little 1cm vertical cuts into the mat if necessary.

Once the mats are out, get a wide-toothed rake comb like this one for maintenance. I am also autistic and don't cope well with the sensation of hairbrushing. A rake comb is much easier. It's also completely OK for DD not to wash her hair every day and to let it air dry after washing it. Hairdryers were made by neurotypical capitalists to destroy women's hair with heat, take our money from our wallets, and torment autistic women with noise and scorched ears. I refuse to have them in the house.

I hold the section of hair I'm working with a little way down the shaft, so that as I'm brushing out knots the hair isn't pulling at the head. Starting at the end and working your way up, small section by small section. A hedgehog brush is good for this.

As prevention, I plait the hair before bed to make it less knotty in the morning. Less arguments in the morning if it doesn't hurt to brush.

I'm wishing you both best of luck, and hoping teen can find ways of managing this.

The girl cannot keep on top of her own hair. Do you even need to ask whether she's in education? Unless it's all online, unlikely.

If the tangling is that bad (matted) it can’t be combed out with a heavy conditioner, it will need to be cut out. I hope you can get someone professional to help cut it otherwise you might have to do it yourself.

A shorter, blunt cut (like a bob) would be much easier to maintain than long and wispy which is especially prone to tangle.

It will soon grow back!

All the best for her being ably to get back out at some point.

Read what you've typed. A child who is in the grips of OCD has had far worse lessons than any hair disaster could teach her.

My daughter has very curly long fine hair that matts very easily, I swear by using a wet brush original and detangling spray. I start at the very ends on one side and just concentrate on a small thin section at a time. It will take a long time but it can be done with lots of patience x

Firstly get your DD comfortable for the long haul. Is there a specific TV show likes/wants to watch? Any movies? Something to focus her attention. Some snacks and her favorite drink.

It will take time but detangle from the edges/outside. Try and make sure you arent pulling at the scalp.

Hi, I have some experience with this problem with my own autistic daughter. She had severely matted hair at one stage, and I managed to get it all out myself. It's a long job, can take hours, so lots of patience needed, and breaking it up over days.

So, I used a spray on leave-in conditioner. Spray generously, just concentrating on one small section at a time. With a very large solid matt, just work on the bottom couple of inches. Let the conditioner sit for about ten minutes.

Tangle Teezers & combs are crap for this, I use a Denman classic style brush. Then holding the hair, and the tip of the hairbrush (holding it vertically), I would start with the first centimetre of hair. I hold the rest of the hair to stop my daughter from feeling the pulling.

I literally took it centimetre by centimetre from the bottom up. I've never let her hair get that bad again. She thrashes about a lot in her sleep and it can become matted overnight, so if her hair didn't get brushed for a week, that's when the severe matts came (please no judgement, if you have never experienced an autistic child with long hair who refuses to let you brush their hair).

Anyway, as she's gotten older, she now understands that hair brushing is now non-negotiable, same as teeth brushing (we had issues with refusal of that when younger too but thankfully overcame that and her teeth are all healthy).

It's a shame I don't live close to you - otherwise I'd come help. Honestly, I've never had to cut any hair off and I've always managed to get every mat out. It just takes a lot of time.

If I've not been clear with the method, feel free to DM me.

I have easily matting curly hair, and have had to de matt my own (autistic) DD’s hair in the past: Ihave found that you have to section the tangles off and work from the bottom focussing on 1-2cm at a time, ie not from root to tip, but by combing out the first cm or so. Once that is detangled, you chip away at the next cm or so. Doesn’t seem to matter whether wet or dry, though I am told easier if you have a bit of that detangling solution in or it’s wet. It can take hours, but starting a the bottom, with a film on the tv, you can work on it and it doesn’t hurt as you are not pulling on the whole hair strand/clump.

Once you have brushed it out, leave-in conditioner/detangling spray after every wash, a silk pillow case and plaiting it at night helps prevent reoccurrence.

Well you're wrong. Mats can be worked out without cutting. Not only have I done this myself, but I've seen this done many times online.

As for "teaching her a lesson", you really are rude, unhelpful and clueless.

The thread has been in Trending so people who don’t know anything about matted hair or the reasons it can develop have joined in. @Clockworkbanana is best advised to serenely skip past those contributions.

I combed out my own dreadlocks so I know it can be done! Just sat combing a bit each day. As pp said, start at bottom not top.

Just cut it. If she doesn’t see anyone or go out why does it matter? Maybe she’ll see the consequence