Help needed for severely matted hair for housebound teen

[Clockworkbanana]

I need urgent help with severely matted hair. My teen dd is housebound, hasn’t been out for over 2 years and has severe OCD / anxiety and autism.
Her hair has become severely matted due to not washing it or brushing it. We tried to have a go at detangling it dry, it didn’t work, so looked up advice / videos online and said to try olive oil to give it enough slip…tried that, no good, tried conditioner, no good. She ended up putting a tiny bit of shampoo on the mat to get rid of some oil but then after that she was exhausted and distraught, so gave up.
With her OCD, she hates having stuff on her hair or skin, so this is like her worst nightmare.
Her hair is really long and fine, there was split which we managed to undo a bit but the rest is just swallowed up in the matted bit.
She won’t go anywhere to see a professional hairdresser and I’m finding it difficult to find someone to come to the house.
I’ve ordered some African pride moisture miracle pre shampoo and also some
cowboy detangler after looking online.
Can anyone help? Any suggestions? I’m just devastated it’s gotten this bad and I just feel awful for her. I dont want her to lose her hair, it’s literally the only bit of her she ever liked 😔

When you manage to detangle a section, put a plat in it. Use a tail comb to try and tease it out if you can and just do a little section at a time. If you have to cut it try not cut it too close to the scalp because it would be easier to untangle being short.

Lots of conditioner but on really wet hair - try to use fingers first and when you get a few sections, work on each with fingers and wet brush.

This. I had to spend nearly a whole shift doing this when I worked in care and the woman (non verbal) had been moving her head from side to side on her pillow all night. It was very fine hair and the only thing that worked was dousing it in conditioner and painstakingly combing it through. We rinsed as soon as the mats were gone

My son (ASD) went through a phase of not looking after his very long, thick, curly hair and I can confirm that mane and tail detangler for horses works an absolute treat on human hair too!

I had this recently and thought I'd have to cut it out. I saved it.

First - don't wash it!

I used a metal tooth pick and slowly worked my way from the ends up. I put the pick in teeny tiny sections at the bottom and worked the tangles out bit by bit. It took hours but was so worth it. I genuinely didn't think I'd ever get it all out but I did. It just takes some patience. Don't rush to cut it out, it's probably not needed. Remember it's going to look like she's lost a lot of hair but that is mostly normal hair shedding she has tangled in the matts so don't panic about that.

There's a really thick intensive conditioner of various brands. Comes in a gold tub and I get a Lidl version but the easiest one to buy is VO5 or pantane?? Put about a plum size dollop on your hands, rub hands together and run your hands down over your hair, head down. Then start at the very ends, one side at a time with a wide tooth brush like a paddle brush. Do the very ends first gently brushing the very ends a inch at a time. Plat out each bit as it's free from the roots down. I have periods of not brushing my hair as it's curly. If it's really bad get a comb with the metal spike on one end. I think it's a rat tail comb?used to section for high lights.

Once it's detailed cut a inch off the bottom then it will easier to comb out to maintain it as the ends will be a mess.

I came to say the same: wet the hair in the shower, apply loads of conditioner then do not rinse it out at all. IME this works better than detangler spray.

Also OP try alternating brushes, as each will have its own strength/type of knot it works best on.

It will take time. It is worth putting on a thick towelling or velour dressing gown to minimise the slippery feel of the conditioner drenched hair on her skin, and to stop her feeling wet.

Wow. Super helpful.

I've found that boar bristle brushes are great for teasing out matts. I feel like any conditioner works, but there is always lots of hand teasing to do.

Loads of really helpful tips and links here, thank you so much!

@TheSquareMile She is under a psychiatrist and has an OT, it’s a long and complex story, but we have a little more support now than we used to. She’s 17.

@MNLurker1345 She doesn’t have Afro hair, it was just something that someone who does recommend, so thought we’d try!

My daughter’s hair gets like this when she goes to her dads for long periods of time. A huge mat at the back where she can’t reach easily to brush it. Tangle teaser brush and lots of detangling spray, and something distracting for her to watch on TV/ipad. It takes a long time and a lot of yelling but we’ve always got there, never had to cut it.

Just wet the hair thoroughly, apply LOADS of a thick, rich conditioner then get out of the shower with it still in the hair.

Work (alternating brushes/combs): you will get a feel for which works best at each stage) from the ends upwards. Detangle the bottom inch, then the second to bottom inch, working slowly up to the scalp.

She may find it easier to do some of this herself if she bears pain better when she is inflicting it on herself, as it will tug.

BUT she does NOT need to cut it.

Also don't forget the thick dressing gown as the ick factor of slimy conditioner will make her more uncomfortable.

I would really recommend posting on your local facebook page anonymously so your daughter feels comfortable and just ask for a hairdresser willing to do a home visit to fix the problem, even if they do 2 hours a day over several days they will get most of it done! I think you’d be surprised how many people would be willing to help if you explained the situation you just need the reach to find them!

We had this with my autistic son too. Long hair completely matted at the back. We fixed it with the dematting tools we had for grooming our dogs. They have blades in them that slice through the lump, allowing you to brush it a bit, then slice again, then brush, and repeat.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/GROOM-PROFESSIONAL-853120-Matt-Splitter/dp/B005MYCBLA/ref=sr_1_5_sspa?crid=1PYAVNCRENA28&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.7sbM47zpTYzYSCDE5zXe37t-H1jr63wn1w8yCPrkzg9uSXtcEU_9KshEzGHOsy07PDx2LyEiKCRRtYK0yiyyAqLT8HNTrSzaCUW_zHpleJlA4Gx-1EfD6KOYm3OoAT6F6S3lzrO0qBXcEfr_nFyddCrVlCi7-YTv9kdh7ZmM8zjUV4FDw3PvYiVnolvy2h4jVUUsWooyFyJr09qbCJyN-bZMZUimGL1HYwBuRJXFLAGwomZn10YH9N3xr6Tt9hKMGCcGxzAUhOs5mdhAaKOR5OCWlUG7V-r4mmFWNmi9Ee4.4i1MsJcOqy2duLTv5BzeTl3PQImlKXDb4FG1_mH0v_M&dib_tag=se&keywords=dematter&qid=1787346630&sprefix=dematte%2Caps%2C338&sr=8-5-spons&aref=gW2QgSgZ3l&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&th=1

I;ve had to do it myself and used up a good amount of the dogs Cowboy Magic in the process.

Wet hair, tons of conditioner, or alternate between conditioner and cowboy magic..
Get a comb with a pick at the end - start at the outside edge of the mat and stick the pick in and wiggle a little section out, and keep going. Get her to massage gently with her fingers under the mat if she can.

If you need to cut, split a little bit at a time outward away from the skull in the direction the hair goes, you will be cutting across hairs but tbh, the majority of them will be dead hair thats caught up, not attached hair.

Tangle teezers are great for slightly matted 'uncomfy to comb out, gonna take ages i can't be arsed' hair but not for solid mats down to the skin.

I haven't tried it but apparently WD40 works for getting out this kind of matt.

Use copious of conditioner mixed with a little bit of water, personally I find Pantene or OGX is the 'slippiest' on my hair.

Start picking away with the end of a long tail comb to separate into small sections, then comb through each section starting at the ends not the scalp.

Might also be worth plaiting the bits you manage to free to stop them tangling again and maybe also get a sense of achievement.

If you are left with a few really stubborn bits beyond saving, cut them out.

This is what we do with my sons hair. It gets matted after a couple of days. It’s very thick.

He sits in a bubble bath (wearing boxers & a t shirt). We wet his hair & I’ll smother it in conditioner. Then we work slowly up his hair to the root brushing out the knots & any mats. We just use a regular hairbrush. I’ll hold the hair above the knot I’m working on, in a fist & spread the hair across my hand/arm as I’m brushing it out. It helps to see where the knots are & which bit needs working on.

We sometimes put on an audio book or a film on an iPad that he can watch as it can take some time.

Good luck Op. I know it’s tough when you can’t get them out of the house.

Probably won't work for hair as it's a water displacement product not a lubricant BUT silicone lubricant (from B&Q not Lovehoney😆) would work well, not sure if would wash out easily though.

1. Cut it as short as you can negotiate with her, wash it weekly but daily rub mixture of conditioner Aussie and water into the matter parts and start brushing very slowly with a big brush top to bottom daily
2. Bribe her to find what she really likes to do outside the home and start getting her out

I have a similar teen with similar hair.
I have to be honest after about 10+ hours of trying to unmat their hair with several different products over several days I eventually admitted defeat. I had got loads of tangles out but just couldn't get the middle at the back to budge at all.
Eventually I cut it to shoulder length and then managed to work out the mat from the scalp to that far down. When I cut through the lump of matt it was still totally bone dry inside despite the bottles of detangler conditioner etc that I had applied so I don't think I would ever have got it out.
Since then they have been a lot better at washing and brushing their hair on a daily basis. It was heartbreaking for both of us to cut it (was waist length, but matted up it looked about mid back length) especially after the hours we had put in, but we both lived to tell the tale.

I want to an American summer camp in my early 20s as a “counselor” (ie one of the adults in charge of the kids) and one of the camps was a two week stay. One of the kids hadn’t touched her hair in two weeks and it was one big knot.

I used conditioner, lots and lots of conditioner and it took about two hours to brush her hair free, then she could wash it and rebrush it. Good luck!

OP, I wonder whether she would like to have a shorter cut which is easier to manage while she gets back on her feet.

www.glamour.com/gallery/bob-haircuts-and-hairstyles

I can imagine how long, fine hair (and lots of it) can get like that. I have that type of hair and it gets knotty very easily so I have to wash and condition it everyday!

Mobile hairdressers may be off for the summer. I know quite a few round our area are so if you can try home remedies to make it a bit better, I'd hold off cutting it off yourself for a week or two if you can.

I'd wash off the olive oil if it's still on her hair - don't make the hair wet first, just add a bit of water to the shampoo so it foams. Gently dry with a dryer and plait etc.

Would she wear a silk bonnet to sleep to prevent it getting any worse?

I find this is really effective for detangling and smoothing and it's leave in so maybe you could use a bit and tackle a bit each day over the course of a few days and the longer it's left in the more effective it might be?

Pantene Repair And Protect Vitamin E Oil 100Ml - Tesco Groceries

Wash it as normal in the shower then use conditioner and a biro pen- work on each not by pushing the pen through the tangle and pulling down- works really well