Help needed for severely matted hair for housebound teen

[Clockworkbanana]

I need urgent help with severely matted hair. My teen dd is housebound, hasn’t been out for over 2 years and has severe OCD / anxiety and autism.
Her hair has become severely matted due to not washing it or brushing it. We tried to have a go at detangling it dry, it didn’t work, so looked up advice / videos online and said to try olive oil to give it enough slip…tried that, no good, tried conditioner, no good. She ended up putting a tiny bit of shampoo on the mat to get rid of some oil but then after that she was exhausted and distraught, so gave up.
With her OCD, she hates having stuff on her hair or skin, so this is like her worst nightmare.
Her hair is really long and fine, there was split which we managed to undo a bit but the rest is just swallowed up in the matted bit.
She won’t go anywhere to see a professional hairdresser and I’m finding it difficult to find someone to come to the house.
I’ve ordered some African pride moisture miracle pre shampoo and also some
cowboy detangler after looking online.
Can anyone help? Any suggestions? I’m just devastated it’s gotten this bad and I just feel awful for her. I dont want her to lose her hair, it’s literally the only bit of her she ever liked 😔

Big shout out to Vitalii from Matted of London .
He sounds a gem .

My only contribution/thoughts are that in Victorian times when hair was only washed occasionally, no shampoo just ordinary hand soap and dry under a towel or by a fire in a fireplace obv. Then every night when hair was taken down from its bun each family member would gently brush the other’s long hair and then plait before bed.

Spray in conditioner and a good grip just before the roots (to stop the hair hurting) works well

I’ve seen on instagram videos of people unmatting hair so it’s obviously a thing. I would search it and see if there is anyone near you who specialises in this sort of thing and ask them if they might be able to help? Sounds like a very difficult situation and I can relate as I locked myself in the house for three month when I was in my 20’s ao my heart goes out to you! https://www.instagram.com/matted.co.uk?igsi=cTFiaTkwdDRoaTN2 - message these guys who I just found!! Good luck:)

If you type 'help with this' and copy a link to the thread into Ai then it will advise. It said about using silicone based detanglers, but too much to paste here. Good luck.

Sounds like you've had a lot of good advice OP particularly from the salon, that's brilliant. I'm just hopping on to say my DD was housebound from 15 to 21 and I see you. She's at uni now, but things are still very hard. Great mum to be supporting your DD like this.

This is severe child neglect no matter how you slice it. If de tangling doesn't work a devastating cut

Abiding by her DD's wishes is not "severe neglect".

Forcing an autistic person to have any treatment or hair cut that they dont want is abuse.

The trick, as the mother of an autistic DD, is to find the middle ground.

Dont talk about what you dont understand.

Something I read but I have not tried, fabric conditioner.

Apparently glamour models in the 1980s used it.

Maybe plan to do things in sections so start, so do the last 4 inches then the next day a bit more.

Temu ,aliexpress have wooden brushes that have bristles, and a nobble ended metal prong in each bunch of bristles. They are the gentlest most effective brushes I've ever found,and I have used them for the exact situation you are in.start in a small area and slowly work from bottom of hair up to top. If it can't be done in one sitting plaite area that has been done..the brushes are probably available on English sites too,my original one bought years ago was an expensive one of same description, they are the best brushes,have used tangle teasers ect,they are not where near as gentle or effective

Has your daughter get the insight to not let this happen again after all the hard work to get her hair sorted out?

Use a tangle teezer and comb it from fhe bottom up.

It could take days to do it if its really bad but I'm sure you could without cutting it.

Use a mix of cheap thick conditioner and aussie Conditioner. This is the very best stuff I ever used

Also try having her sit on a stool under the shower and use your hands and fingers to untangle the easier bits using the weight of the water to help.

Whilst she doesn't like stuff on her head it could help to have the Conditioner sit on hair over night with a plastic shower cap over it. The heat of her head will help the Conditioner seep into the knots

It won't be an easy one day job and you'll need to use a mix of tactics to sort this.

I have thick waist length hair and there are days I work at home and can't be bothered and then I need to fix myself to go somewhere so these are my go to tactics.

When its detailed you probably want to braid the sections you have completed.

Sending you and your DD a big hug, this must be so difficult.
I stumbled upon a specialist website the other day called matted.co.uk that offers dedicated detangling services for severe mats.

Definitely have a look at https://matted.co.uk/faq/ when you get a chance their Q&A section is super informative and covers what to avoid (especially around oils and water making mats harder to shift) and how to work through it slowly without causing distress.

Have you tried a wet brush they are great at getting tangles out even better than a tangle teezer, despite the name you can also use it whilst the hair is dry.

@TheAri another poster suggested that specialist hairdresser .
The OP has been in contact with them and it sounds as though they've been super helpful.

Just another quick update…it’s been pretty intense here today 😣

Vitalii from Matted.co.uk has been an absolute legend, he’s been messaging throughout the day as I’ve been trying to demat DDs hair with support and advice.
We’ve spent about 4 hours today on the easiest bit and managed to do maybe 1/4 - 1/3 ish of her head.

Its going to take hours and the thought of it is giving me awful anxiety, but we’ll persevere until its done.

Thankyou for all your support so far, you’ve all been lovely x

It must have been a really tough day for you and for your DD, but that sounds like amazing progress. Well done to both of you for managing to stick at it!

I want to thank you for starting this thread. My son has similar issues and I ended up having to cut a clump off a few days ago. I will try some if the really helpful stuff you have been recommend. Good luck!

Well done! You've made a good start on it, and I'm sure you've got the swing of it now!! Good luck for the next section

Well done to both of you - that cannot have been easy! Just keep trucking ❤️

The fact that she wants help with it now is such a good thing! I had the same with my daughter, and the "mummy, can you sort out my hair?" was the first sign of recovery :-)

My DD also has v.long, fine hair. After about 18 months of only leaving her bed to go to the loo, it was awful.

It took me about 15 hours in total. Stuck on some of our favourite shows, she lay on the sofa with her head on my lap, and I teased out 2 or 3 hairs at a time from the mats.

After each session of an hour or so, I would plait the bit I had worked loose.

This mostly happened between 11pm and 1am, when the rest of the house was quiet. I was super tired for a couple of weeks, but so much lighter, emotionally.

Good luck xxxxx