Help needed for severely matted hair for housebound teen

[Clockworkbanana]

I need urgent help with severely matted hair. My teen dd is housebound, hasn’t been out for over 2 years and has severe OCD / anxiety and autism.
Her hair has become severely matted due to not washing it or brushing it. We tried to have a go at detangling it dry, it didn’t work, so looked up advice / videos online and said to try olive oil to give it enough slip…tried that, no good, tried conditioner, no good. She ended up putting a tiny bit of shampoo on the mat to get rid of some oil but then after that she was exhausted and distraught, so gave up.
With her OCD, she hates having stuff on her hair or skin, so this is like her worst nightmare.
Her hair is really long and fine, there was split which we managed to undo a bit but the rest is just swallowed up in the matted bit.
She won’t go anywhere to see a professional hairdresser and I’m finding it difficult to find someone to come to the house.
I’ve ordered some African pride moisture miracle pre shampoo and also some
cowboy detangler after looking online.
Can anyone help? Any suggestions? I’m just devastated it’s gotten this bad and I just feel awful for her. I dont want her to lose her hair, it’s literally the only bit of her she ever liked 😔

Egg is the best hair detangler ever. Literally just crack it, rub it in, use a wide tooth comb and work a section at a time.

This spray (two versions of the bottle)

https://www.asos.com/tangle-teezer/tangle-teezer-everyday-detangling-cream-spray-for-thick-curly-hair/prd/23201799#ctaref-product_share_native

https://tangleteezer.com/products/everyday-detangling-shea-butter

with water as needed.

DO NOT USE A BRUSH

Section hair where you can. Start at the ends and pull the hair apart sideways with your fingers, then work upwards through the section. DO NOT BRUSH DOWN TOWARDS A TANGLE as it will only tighten the knots.

You will likely need multiple sessions.

Good luck we have been there!!

I have an autistic daughter whose hair becomes matted. We put a very thick coat of conditioner on and quickly wash it off over the sink. Once it’s dry, over a few days she uses her own fingers to gentely pull the hair apart. It’s then in a position where she can see a hair dresser who then professionally detangles it. She often needs two people working in it at the salon.

They use a very wide angled stainless steel brush. If you can’t get your daughter to attend a hairdressers could you ask your hairdresser what they use and then try that at home

This is interesting - I've never thought that washing it was making it worse but it does make sense. I mostly wash it before I start because otherwise it is kind of gross for me to be handling, and because I find I need it to be really wet to enable me to work the conditioner into the clumps. I keep a pot of water by me as I'm working on it an constantly dip the comb or my fingers in to keep the hair wet.

I was just about to recommend this.

My horses tail was long and always getting really matted. This worked wonders so should work on your DDs fine hair.

https://amzn.eu/d/06tr0H5q

Try cut into it slightly from a few angles to loosen it a bit, then smother on L’Oreal extraordinarily oil, and use a plastic vented hair brush to gradually untangled it bit by bit. Then repeat the oil application to the matted bit and brush again, getting the long bristles right in the knot and pull gently: get DD to pull her hair taut on top of her head so she can’t feel it too much

Would using a soap to wash dreadlocks help on removing the oil perhaps? It's not the same, but I reckon it'd work.

I remember a friend having mid back length dreads that were years old (on fine non afro hair) detangled professionally. It took two people two full salon days to do, but his hair looked beautiful after. My point is it must be achievable, even if it takes ages! I'd use ridiculous amounts of conditioner on it and comb with a detangling brush in tiny sections from the bottom up. Focus on one small bit until it's done, a cm at a time. I'd trying a smaller matter bit first, as it can be tuggy and painful. It'll help to have got into the rhythm of it when you're doing the worst bit. I helped a friend with similar, but further from the scalp before before and she had nearly all of her hair after. I found nail scissors useful for snipping any tiny bits that did need it. We sort of separated the big mat into two smaller ones to work on by splitting as we worked up from the bottom which was easier than as one big lot. Good luck!

Shave it off no 1

https://melanotresses.as.me/schedule/c1c1cd43

also check out various YouTube channels with her that work with people in this exact situation. You sound like a lovely parent trying their best to support their child. All the best X

It’s going to take a while to get through. A good conditioner will help.
work in small sections and as you do one section clear, I would plait it so it doesn’t get matted again until it’s all done.

Thank you for your replies…again, it’s giving me a lot more hope than I had earlier!

My dd is an older teen, so really difficult to navigate sometimes with regards to getting her to do things, even if they’re for her own good!

I keep getting different advice regarding washing, but I think we need to wash it as the olive oil that we used (recommendation that didn’t work at all 🙈) is preventing any conditioner from getting in there. Does that make sense? I know washing is supposed to be bad with mats but I feel like it needs a bit of a wash to start a fresh attempt.

i was thinking of using the pre shampoo detangler, on her hair dry (well, oily hair after yesterday!) leaving it for 30 mins then trying to comb through a bit, rinse, shampoo then use a detangler?

Lots of conditioner like half a bottle and a brush from the brand ‘wet brush’ it will take a while but the bristles are small and very bendy so it doesn’t hurt at all. From someone who has been where she is now. Cheap conditioner on wet hair and go for it

Hi OP.
I’ve only used this on my dog but it would 100% work I reckon!
https://www.amazon.co.uk/GROOM-PROFESSIONAL-853120-Matt-Splitter/dp/B005MYCBLA/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_sspa?crid=2KB9OEA8USJQZ&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.t_OofZfg-LVO0a4BONc04MSPkXSL9WxsMJui10xa5FNP-q6R4coYZWsj7jU7sZzPTb_jpdLk7osGrjnRCc4tZI6kYi2AQqlYkuIIW_j6NRNN0wTaWmjxNNjTxrqtDmK5GltlIi7TNoJ3DiyHZQl1hWOsm9MesWE3ZmZNe4ZTNyeCFlayrIocnRxgK6G-EyP1RYNG-pA0hNa_csVWCSq6Bw.PHm-igmotQgvIQxk9WH8TuRVaBC7m8ZT382pFwxd38k&dib_tag=se&keywords=matt+splitter&qid=1787344438&sprefix=matt+splitter%2Caps%2C196&sr=8-1-spons&aref=gW2QgSgZ3l&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1

https://www.boots.com/wetbrush/wetbrush-detangle

If you have Facebook, there are pages dedicated to this. Salons film themselves, you could get an idea of how the do it.

I know that they do a section at a time and once a section is done, they plait it to avoid it getting matted again, then once it’s all been completed, they un plait.

I can’t remember the products though. Will try and find a link or something.

It’s called Hair Dematting by Mel incase you don’t want to click the link.

www.facebook.com/share/1BLvBqWbYa/?mibextid=wwXIfr

@Clockworkbanana

The wider situation sounds really difficult, OP.

Are you getting the support you and she need?

How old is she?

This one is amazing.

Hadassa’s Creations

https://www.facebook.com/share/1CwgAjGaaD/?mibextid=wwXIfr

Dont wash it.

Had this exact issue last week with DD, for similar reasons and have had it before. She has curly hair as well, so you can imagine....

Get a spray bottle filled with warm water and a good squirt of decent quality conditioner.

Spray it all over and then starting at the ends, at the back, brush brush brush. Gradually you will be able to work up the length, respray the bit you are working on to keep the hair wet, that is absolutely key. Conditioner etc is no use on its own, the hair needs to be wet and kept wet . It took about 4 hours all told with DD with a break every half hour or so (my hand was aching!). I used a paddle brush but you could use a detangler too.

When you finally get through it (and you will, you just need to be patient), thats when you wash it. I would wash twice due to the olive oil, then condition, brush again, then rinse.

I tend to french plait DD's when she lets me as it makes the matting happen less. Last time she refused to let me and we ended up back with felted hair, so she let me do it this time.

She is 15.

@Clockworkbanana you have used African Pride products. Does she have Afro hair? I use a brand called As I Am, you can order on Amazon. The product So Much Moisture is really good. Spray into roots and massage daily.

But you do know you are going to have to cut some of the matted hair out. Nothing will detangle if it is like dreadlocks.

My mum is in a nursing home, her hair became a bit matted. I had to cut the matted bits out.

Find a mobile hairdresser to come to your home.

DD is half Jamaican, and it really was matted. It takes HOURS and there is some loss but it can be done!

She needs to lie in a bath and lean back and shampoo it. Then stand under a shower - copious amounts if conditioner (detangling like Loreal Elvives or Miracle Moist) with a wide shower comb. Put lots of conditioner on a section and detangle. Then add in the force of the water while detangling. You should then end up with smaller and smaller knots you can target with dollops of conditioner. Its a bit like a fine gold necklace that needs gentle releasing out of a knot. It might take up to an hour so you need to not run out of heated water.

I didnt brush my hair for a month so this was me.

It does depend on how matted. As I said if it is dreadlocked you can’t comb that out. As you say and I agree, some might be lost.

I find it easier to detangle dry using my fingers. Mine got matted over lockdown with me not washing it for a couple of weeks. I'm a carer for DD luckily she grew out of hating her hair being touched. It's so satisfying getting those knots out Coconut oil is good was the only thing that got skin glue off DD scalp and hair. It's better if it's softened and will make her hair lovely and shiny. But if she really won't let you do that might be best if you just cut it out.

Try a head jog 08 Hairbrush. Lots of conditioner and a spray bottle of water to keep the hair wet while you work. Start at the ends and slowly work your way up.