Anal bleaching

[poobag]

Right, I'm looking for a product to lighten up the skin around my anus and vulva. Approaching 40 and had 3 kids - I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.
Any recommendations?

@BelindasRedPlasticHandcuffs at the idea of the op displaying her bleached anus like a peacock displaying it's tail feathers!!!

@Situp I'd rather not see testicles of any colour, they are spectacularly ugly.

Don't mind a bit of fancy dress on 'em though.

Some dodgy shit on this site today

I was going to say how unlike the home life of our own dear queen but I see we've already had princes Philip AND Harry mentioned.

I'd rather look like a porn star than a cave woman.

You know the options aren't that stark, right?

I'm up for eyebrow dyes, exfoliation, shaving legs etc but no fecker is going near my arsehole unless they've been at medical school for 10 years and I actually need some help down there!

A woman’s cave, eh?

I think beauty bay do a product for this and some spas too. I would say go for it if it makes you happy but defo patch test first and be really careful obvs. I have heard that it doesn’t last a long time though so maybe a good look for Summer? I can understand why some would want this as some anuses are really dark and IMO don’t look as nice. Happy bum bleaching hope it turns out great for you!

I'd rather look like a porn star than a cave woman.

I think on balance I’d rather look like a cave woman than a porn star. Or at least Late Neolithic/early Iron Age.

Evidence from bog bodies suggests they actually had rather well kept hair and sophisticated clothing - one big body from Ireland I think actually has a well coiffed and gelled updo.

History remains silent on their anal bleaching status.

History remains silent on their anal bleaching status.

😂😂😂😂😂

On a serious note, it really is fucking outrageous that the marketing people have found yet another bit of women’s bodies that is not acceptable without modification. They’ve got us right where they want us-insecure and ready to give them money.

Anal bleaching is probably "empowering" as well, @BertrandRussell. I agree it is outrageous to find ever more body parts that need grooming.

Do we have rules yet for the bit between our toes or the crease behind the ears or would grooming them not be undignified enough?

I’ve never seen up there and only the a&e Doctor has.

It’s really not worth having the decorators in.

Sybil Fawlty was said by Basil to perm her ears. That could catch on amongst the bum-bleaching crowd. Naldrick's slug balancing has already been done courtesy of HD brows

Baldrick. Not Naldrick.

I wonder if Cheddar Man bleached his Mesolithic arse. Something to liven up those long cold winter nights until knitting was invented.

Don’t be daft. Hand mirrors hadn’t been invented then.

Perhaps he had to stand over a puddle to see, or got a cave friend to dab the bleach on with a dandelion clock.

Beautygal29
Maybe a good look for summer.

Women only have to bleach their anus.

Men have to go for anus and plums.

Do people in the developing world practice anal bleaching, or is the wrong coloured anus a first world problem?

Hahaha! This thread has had me laughing out loud. Am stifling sniggers whilst in the quiet carriage surrounded by serious looking office types...pinkerupper indeed!

maybe a good look for Summer?

Just make sure you slap on the factor 50 or you'll undo all your good work.

We skipped the lightened fanjo
Turned cartwheels 'cross the floor
I was feeling kinda seasick
But Mumsnet called out for more
The room was humming harder
As the ceiling flew away
When we called out for a Polo Mint
The waiter brought a tray

And so it was that later
As dear Poobag told her tale
That her arse, at first just ghostly,
Turned a whiter shade of pale

I had a brainwave that may well do the trick. Do you know those magic erasers for walls that get rid of pen and stuff? Try it on your bum maybe.

Bicarb of soda does most stuff too.

If I were you I'd ask them to move this from style to housekeeping actually.

Do you have those long pornstar talon nails? They make me involuntarily shiver.