Anal bleaching

[poobag]

Right, I'm looking for a product to lighten up the skin around my anus and vulva. Approaching 40 and had 3 kids - I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.
Any recommendations?

I have heard that it doesn’t last a long time though so maybe a good look for Summer?

Letting it all hang out this season then, are we?!

Yes I’m also surprised we haven’t seen any of the “I do it for myself” BS yet.
I had a rare day off today. A treat after a hard few weeks. Oddly, when thinking of what I could do today, spraying bleach up my jacksie wasn’t top of the list. Is there something wrong with me?

Jeesus just googled anal bleaching. MY EYES! Grabs cardi & runs

We skipped the lightened fanjo

Actually crying with laughter 😂

Whilst doing the sex that was kinkier
She desired an anus much pinkier
But Mumsnet decreed
There was not a need
To bleach strip the skin of her sphincter.

It's Friday night. I'm just slipping into my cardi and looking forward to the weekend. I am going to leave the lights on and use my Farrow and Ball colour chart. As sign of my feminist credentials I will be sorting out my DP's plums first though.

Just to be clear, my sex-cardie is cashmere

To whit she replied “you’re all cave-mums”
“Wiv ‘orible hairy cave-bums”
“You’re all meany and mardy”
“And do sex in a cardi”
“And now its not just my bum in duldrums”.

chilli oils and the like

actually I've got some thyme infused oil downstairs NOT LITERALLY DOWNSTAIRS

@DickTERFin

Sphincter - pinker

I am in awe of your rhyming skills.

This is so, so good. To summarise:

Polo mints!
Shades of arse!
Cardigans!
Periodic OP returns and flouncing!
Farrow and Ball!

This thread totally deserves its place in Classics. Come on MNHQ, give the people what they want.

I think if I slapped some bleach down on the counter and suggest that DH 'dips' his balls into it 'for fun,' he'd probably think I'd been drinking it.

I give it 2 years and there'll be a range of arse-make up. A range of anus concealers for any 'imperfections', maybe some light strobing primer for an evening look.

Anyway, isn't it time for the OP to come shrieking back onto the thread telling us that we're vile, sexless, hairy losers? Kinda missing it.

Just rtft! Brilliant. Best laugh in ages. God bless OP's dark hole and all who sail in it

I don't think I'm capable of adding anything helpful... I'm laughing too much...

But has OP explored the kitchen cupboards? Icing powder, flour, egg whites, corn flour paste.. perhaps...

OH I've got it... lead... Elizabeth I famously had a white face because she coated it in lead to hide her small pox scars... lead up your anus OP, that's your answer... a queen did it.. she can't be wrong ... whats good for her face must be good for your bum hole

Here we go again with the misconceptions that lighter skin is more beautiful, be natural and be happy in whatever skin colour you have, don’t feel the need to change it to fit into some ridiculous body image standards. Crazy that these standards are now seeping into people’s arseholes too, what next? The colour of your cervix?

Hats off to BreakfastatSquiffany's

Genius!

I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.

Yoda? Is that you?

Is it a BDSM faux pas for the OP if knackers and her anus clash colour wise?
My great grandmother apparently used to say about men with goatees or over fussy beards “never trust a man who cultivated on his face what grows wild on his arse!”
So by her logic OP you may not be trusted if you don’t dye your hair but your cackbox is coated in peroxide 😂

@Ifnot there is no try 🙂

LittleKiwi's link suggests tomato might be used. How will I ever make a salad again?

@BetteDavis
“I give it 2 years and there'll be a range of arse-make up”

Arsehole contouring , coming to you in 2020 .
Selfies may be a problem tho. Pouting with it should be ok with some practice

Breakfast - "sex cardi" oh that made me laugh out loud!!!!!

overnightangel

Howling at this thread as it was.

Curiosity got the better of me and I Googled 'bleached anus'. The first page didn't yield what I was looking for but did contain many images of Justin Bieber with blonde hair which has me in hysterics.