Anal bleaching

[poobag]

Right, I'm looking for a product to lighten up the skin around my anus and vulva. Approaching 40 and had 3 kids - I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.
Any recommendations?

OP there may be many reasons you don’t look or feel like a porn star, so I doubt lightening the outer rim of your shitpipe is going to make a huge difference.

Whatever you do, don't try it yourself! Go to a salon and get it done professionally.

I don't even know what my bum hole looks like to start with so how will I know if it works seems like a waste of money

Still giggling...

Three kids and ne’er a skinflap to be found?

I’m calling shiny bullshit...

Now I’m wondering if there’s such a thing as haemorrhoid porn

This thread is the gift that keeps on giving
... it needs to go to classics!!

I wonder what Debretts has to say on the subject.

Tipex any good?

All joking aside though I do find it worrying that so many women are failing to go to their smear tests because they are worried about what HCPs will think of their privates.
It’s sad that even having a bum hole that looks like a bum hole is a concern for anyone.
I’ve just been reading a thread in Feminism about the effects porn exposure is having on teenage relationships. These are both parts of the same issue.

Actually why not embrace what you have?

If it's dark and red why not tattoo concentric rings of yellow and blue round it - bullseye style?

Bleaching? What about a crazy colour to liven things up a bit?

I love how the OP just pops in every now and again to scream vitriol at everyone for not bleaching their anus, and the general all-round failure to advise on arse-bleaching.

'....and another thing......you're all HAIRY and wear CARDIGANS you fecking ugly losers. And your anuses are DARK!!! Not like what my anus will be like' 'I'll show 'em. I'll show you ALL!!! My arse will shine like the fucking SUN. Every time I put my pants on, it'll be like a fucking ECLIPSE! So you's can all....all...

Any pictures? (Please god, no).

whilst men should be brightening their plums for our viewing pleasure

WTAF?!

Overnightangel

Bakenette not laughed so much in ages thank you 😁

I use vinegar and bicarbonate of soda to scrub the loo. Maybe that would work?

How about zoflora?

For a floral scent/taste?

BetteDavis I roared at that description! 😄

I've just used oven cleaner, that might work.

I used on the oven, I hasten to add.

DuncanDonut 😂

This thread is pure gold. There you go OP, start a trend and get it gold plated.

I actually Googled 'gold plated arsehole' and got the first pic - it's bronze but close enough.

Even less more tasteful (snigger) is the chocolate mould of your own arsehole to give for Valentine's Day 😂

Chocolate-butthole-mold

@TrustNaeFuckerEver

whilst men should be brightening their plums for our viewing pleasure

WTAF?!

I kid you not

Thanks goodness for this thread.

To think me and DP have been wandering about with ruddy arseholes all this time!

I've decided we'll go for a naice Calamine:
www.farrow-ball.com/colours/paint/fcp-category/list

no doubt will help with the resulting burning

@Spookle i should have got my OH this for valentines. Is there a similar product for molding my vaginal opening? He can take it to work with him and whip it out for lunch for a quick chocolatey lick.