Anal bleaching

[poobag]

Right, I'm looking for a product to lighten up the skin around my anus and vulva. Approaching 40 and had 3 kids - I couldn't look less like a porn star down there if I tried. But try I will.
Any recommendations?

“Who’s going to tell poor old Jolene that her blameless career pulling pints is about to take an unexpected and hideous turn?”

She has made some strange decisions recently. Maybe she left the tampon in too long?

I've just googled too. In all my innocence I failed to think that there would be a lot of photos of that body part very close to the anus I just assumed it would be a load of bleached and unbleached bum holes..

I'm still recovering and hoping nobody was looking through the window when I googled

ikl Prince Philip and anal bleaching in one sentence.

You had a question about your DD's wellbeing but you mdexosed bleaching your anus was higher priority?

Of course you did

Do the bleach kits come with free sunglasses for your partner to use after you're super shiny white down there and on ahem display?

My husband just asked what was making me cackle ( not usually a cackler, more a ladylike melodious tinkle) I told him, with examples, and now he has gone quite pale. Probably the shade the OP was hoping for, though in a different location, obvs.

But try I will

RIght.

I suggest better lighting. Maybe get someone to carry around a bit light like you get on film sets?

www.filmtools.com/ligdep/lighting-equipment.html

Is this thread still up? I thought it would have been taken down by now (goes off to put my cardigan on )

Iv had a google and apparently there's a whole fetish around this, men get off on watching it and knowing it's been done.
So yea ...you learn something new every day

The rest of the world wouldn't bat an eyelid to the thought of wanting to tidy up your genitals. But mumsnet want to know if this is a 'thing' because apparently trying to be aesthetically pleasing downstairs is 'disgusting' and a cause for much ridicule and nastiness

I think the rest of the world have other issues to concern themselves about.

My arse crack will freeze over before I google anal bleaching pics.

My arse crack will freeze over before I google anal bleaching pics.

Put a nice cardigan on, that’ll keep you warm

To be honest Cardi Sex sounds much kinkier than lame porno cliches. I might go off and google that instead.

Iv had a google and apparently there's a whole fetish around this, men get off on watching it and knowing it's been done.

Yeah, but there's a fetish for everything. You probably have some sick fuck get off typing in Comis Sans.

I can't imagine holding my arse cheeks apart for my partner to inspect the whiteness of them.

Yep, shiny. You could eat your dinner off that anus.

Love this thread. My friend actually did this as she was going to hook up with an old flame 20 years on.. She is very looks oriented but said she'd never do it again!

Incidentally, Cardi Bach is a bus service in Wales. Maybe I should open a salon there & call it Cardi Bach Doors Bleaching?

Some of us would rather to embrace the pornstar look rather than the wizard sleeve look.

Um I don't care how pearly white your asrsehole is it's got fuck all to do with the size of your vagina.

I thought you got a 'ring of confidence' with toothpaste?

Toothpaste might work though. Would improve the taste too........

( have I gone too far?)

Having a bummer ( no pun intended) of a time at the moment.

This thread has really made me

The comments are giving a whole new meaning to fifty shades...

I really hope bleaching your own arsehole sorts out your lifes problems

Conversation with my DH:
Me: Did you know beaching your anus was a thing
DH: What, what do you mean
Me: Bleaching your arse hole
DH: Really.....women only yes....(thinking) yes women only
Me: Why women only, if women do it, why not men?
DH: Men have hairy arses (more thinking) actually women have hairy arses too... (not to self, maybe I do need a tidy up down there....oh fuck that, he can take me as I am)
DH: You didn't find that on your company website (I am wfh)
Me & DH: laugh our heads off

There is no way I’d ever consider this. The contrast between my bleached white arsehole and my poo crumbs would be far too obvious. DH would be getting a biro out and doing a dot to dot.

I've just had a good idea! I could crochet you a bum hole and you just stick it on before you do whatever you do that involves showing people your bum hole. What colour? White? Pink? Green? A nice teal colour might look good? Or, you can't go wrong with grey?

Can you get it done for dogs? Mine is a tail held high breed, and I noticed while I walked him that he could probably benefit from a little lightening.