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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

How do people manage moving the kids between houses with no car?

130 replies

selck · 05/02/2023 19:14

DSD6's mum doesn't drive, DP doesn't drive either.
We used to live a 10 minute walk away from eachother until she decided to move. Now DSD's school is three miles from our house and we have her 50% of the time.
It's always assumed that I will do the picking up and dropping off as I'm the driver.
Honestly, I'm a bit sick of it. Neither parent wants to sit on two buses with her, which I understand, but there must be some alternative to make things easier.
The new house and school are in a worse area so I'm not wanting to move closer as when I have children I would like them to grow up where we live currently.

How does everyone else manage?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

oldestmumaintheworld · 05/02/2023 19:20

I can understand why you are fed up. It's their problem not yours - let them sort it out. It's not your fault they don't drive.

plumduck · 05/02/2023 19:31

Give them a month's notice and then you're not doing the driving any more. What was mums plan when she moved away?

hourbyhour101 · 05/02/2023 19:33

@selck this is a case of returning monkeys to sender.

Awkward though if mum moved away so your partner is baring the brunt of mums decision.

Made even more awkward that even if you did move to be closer to mum she could move again (which is what a friend did when she found out her ex moved closer to be nearer to the kids, she moved twice but thankfully told him why the second time - because I basically harangued her that to keep "moving" and allowing him to go through the process of selling and buying twice was cruel).

So actually I would blunt it out and say sorry I'm no longer taxi for either of you, and as unfair as the situation is, your feeling taken advantage of and putting a stop to it.

You can learn to drive here is driving instructor number, list of taxi firms and rough cost, bus route. Chose your poison but inconveniencing me is gonna give you more hassle than inconveniencing yourself or mum.

It's a slippery slope and honestly if your in a blended family. Iron clad boundaries are gonna be the only thing keeping you up right some days.

Rogue1001MNer · 05/02/2023 19:53

3 miles isn't far by bike

NewNameNigel · 05/02/2023 20:01

plumduck · 05/02/2023 19:31

Give them a month's notice and then you're not doing the driving any more. What was mums plan when she moved away?

I wouldn't even give them a month. It's hardly an unforseen event that moving somewhere with no direct bus route would mean that handovers were less convenient.

3 miles isn't far by bike

Or by foot, or even that expensive in an uber.

Stop being a mug op. Just say no. What would they do if you had plans you couldn't get out of one week?

qpmz · 05/02/2023 20:02

Your partner should start driving lessons.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 05/02/2023 20:06

Is there a reason your OH doesn’t drive?

Did the mum move for work or family reasons? I only ask because my cousin deliberately moved just far enough away that her ex could no longer have 50/50. It was a purely selfish thing (and she’s currently raging that his lovely partner is facilitating school runs so they don’t lose the 50/50 contact)

plumduck · 05/02/2023 20:06

Also what are the two buses like? Loads of people take two, its not always hassle.

plumduck · 05/02/2023 20:07

Did he contest the move?

cupofbeanslike · 05/02/2023 20:08

Why do neither of them drive?

Eastereggsboxedupready · 05/02/2023 20:10

Bet your opinion on the raising of said dsd isn't as important as your ability to drive..
Step back op. What a mug they are taking you for here.

Zola1 · 05/02/2023 20:10

I suppose it depends how long it takes to drive 3 miles where you are...my sister lives 2.6 miles from me and its a 7 minute drive, if I was available I wouldn't make a child sit on 2 buses for the sake of saving myself 14 minutes driving. If I wasn't available they'd need to sort it themselves.

plumduck · 05/02/2023 20:11

Could you start charging them taxi rates?

pinkfondu · 05/02/2023 20:13

Surely your dp needs to learn to drive tgen

plumduck · 05/02/2023 20:16

pinkfondu · 05/02/2023 20:13

Surely your dp needs to learn to drive tgen

Mum is the one who moved. She needs to do all pick up and drop offs. She should be embarrassed that she's left it up to her ex's partner to do it all.

excelledyourself · 05/02/2023 20:17

One of them needs to learn to drive. Obviously you can only encourage your partner, so I'd perhaps say I'd help with pick up and drop off x amount of times per week, for x amount of months, and they he's on his own with it. But you'd be equally reasonable to say you're done with the whole lot.

DestinysGrandchild · 05/02/2023 20:19

How old is the kid? My son walked 2 miles to school and then home from when he was in year 1 because I couldn't drive so they could maybe bike it?

The mum really does need to learn to drive tho. She chose to move and has only made it harder for herself.

rogueone · 05/02/2023 20:21

So who decided you would be doing the drop offs and pick ups when she moved? Seems both parents are CF and your a free taxi service. An occasional lift with your partner in the care sometimes but an expectation is outrageous. What happens if you want to make plans during the planned drop off and collections? Or are you the only person that is expected to be affected /impacted by the decision to move? You are being played for a mug

bellswithwhistles · 05/02/2023 20:24

She's your child too - 3 miles? I just couldn't be getting bothered about 3 miles each way. Poor kid.

I would insist on your partner learning to drive though. I don't know how anyone copes without being able to drive in this day and age. Surely you feel like a taxi service just to him?!

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/02/2023 20:28

She's your child too - 3 miles?

No. Don’t be daft.

excelledyourself · 05/02/2023 20:29

She's your child too - 3 miles?

Have you misunderstood the OP?

plumduck · 05/02/2023 20:30

bellswithwhistles · 05/02/2023 20:24

She's your child too - 3 miles? I just couldn't be getting bothered about 3 miles each way. Poor kid.

I would insist on your partner learning to drive though. I don't know how anyone copes without being able to drive in this day and age. Surely you feel like a taxi service just to him?!

Don't be ridiculous. If OP shouldn't be getting bothered about 3 miles then why are the parents bothered about using a fucking bus or getting an actual taxi

gogohmm · 05/02/2023 20:31

I'm guessing her mum moved for financial reasons, you say it's a worse area. Your dp must have consented to the school change. He should be looking for a long term solution, perhaps ride a bike?

OneForTheRoadThen · 05/02/2023 20:35

plumduck · 05/02/2023 20:07

Did he contest the move?

It's only 3 miles away!

Tellmeimcrazy · 05/02/2023 20:39

Just be honest and say you don't want to do every pick up and drop off. Say you don't mind helping every now and again but you're not up for every single time. Make sure you stick to it though.

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