How do people manage moving the kids between houses with no car?

[selck]

DSD6's mum doesn't drive, DP doesn't drive either.
We used to live a 10 minute walk away from eachother until she decided to move. Now DSD's school is three miles from our house and we have her 50% of the time.
It's always assumed that I will do the picking up and dropping off as I'm the driver.
Honestly, I'm a bit sick of it. Neither parent wants to sit on two buses with her, which I understand, but there must be some alternative to make things easier.
The new house and school are in a worse area so I'm not wanting to move closer as when I have children I would like them to grow up where we live currently.

How does everyone else manage?

“There is nothing wrong with the OP being the only driver.”

I disagree with this, TBH. It sounds like he can drive but had a traumatic experience. The suggestion that he works to be able to drive again is perfectly reasonable.

As per my next post, not just for school runs but for the next decade or two of family life.

You are in the right OP. It is utter cheek and taking you for granted and you aren't a chauffeur and it will be more difficult if you have a child/children in the future
The dad needs therapy to sort his fear out
The mother needs to learn to drive
As others have said, walking biking, Uber/taxis are all varied options that can all be open ions every time.
The mother doesn't work so at the very least she should be responsible for the drop offs
Are you compensated for your petrol ? It all adds up over the years

I would never, ever drive with a child in the car without a seat. Is that unreasonable?

What? You think driving like a maniac and without a car seat for a 6yo is OK?

mum and dad all make it very clear that I shouldn't overstep boundaries with a child who has a mum and dad already

OP, is this what they have both said to you? If this is the case then there is even more reason to step back and let them do all the parenting.

In the meantime, is there a before school club that starts at 8, say, so you could drop her earlier and be back quicker as less traffic.

It is 3 miles not 300.

Presumably you also have to do some ferrying to parties and activities?

bluntly you either accept it as if is or (ideally) you stop. I know plenty of non driving parents who cycle/walk almost everywhere and take the occasional bus/Uber and don’t moan about it and never rely on lifts. Your dh needs to either become one of them or learn to drive.

there is also the compromise option of dh taking on a major chore in return.

How on earth can you say that. You know nothing about her relationship with her child. If OP doesn't want to do it then fair enough. Maybe the access needs to be rejigged a bit to make getting to school easier?

Well I disagree with you for good reason as I know plenty of families with children with one driver.

As long as there is public transport where they live they do and can get around without making the other parent drive them for every single thing.

So your DSD's two parents are both relying on their new DPs to drive their DC to and from school? More fool you and the mother's new DP for facilitating that. Bike, bus, taxi - all available to them. Their DC, their problem to sort out.

Ok, @Reugny, each to their own.

He's GOT a bike AND a tagalong. And yet he still expects you to do lifts?
Sod that.

I’m not sure why the mum is been accused of been terrible I think maybe people are confused thinking OP is also doing school runs when SD is with the mum?

realistically she has moved 3 miles away which is nothing meaning that due to 50/50 shared parenting it’s now harder for OPs partner to get his DD to school so a bit inconsiderate yea but not like she’s moved 50 miles away

however OP this absolutely shouldn’t all be falling not you plus the pick up and drop offs to and from mums and I’d imagine parties /activities / shopping etc . Your dh needs to get over his car accident free and start to drive . He’s happy to let us daughter be driven about by other people then he can’t have some overwhelming fear of car accidents .

Fear not free

OMG, your DPs child is your child too. Wtf. Transport the child as needed and stop moaning. 3 miles is no distance!

So as an equal parent it’s okay for OP to change her step daughter’s school? Get her hair cut? Her ears pierced? Arrange play dates with her friends? Attend parents evening instead of mum or dad?

That's a great idea. I'll suggest this if it comes down to it. Thank you, that would take the stress out of getting home in time to start work massively.

Mum walks DSD to school, boyfriend was only driving just before and after she gave birth. She lives two minutes from the new school.

No worries! It might also make it easier for DH to get her there by bike, as less pressure on time.

That would have been a waste of money, no judge would ban someone moving three miles. Says a lot about you that does.

OP, I was the sole survivor of a car crash in my late teens, so I sort of understand his reluctance to drive. Only I don’t, because he is happy to be driven, and I didn’t step foot in a car for 5 years after that. The only thing that helped was me learning to drive as that gave me a (probably false) sense of control.

I guess the moment they realise that contact time will be reduced, they will get off their arse and do something about it, at this time they are only taking you as an easy ride (no pun intended)

If you don’t work OP or work reduced hours, it is not a problem but, if you become the designated driver in the long term you won’t be “easily allowed” to go back to work or work more hours in the future. Loosing your financial independence is a huge problem not for your partner and his ex, but for YOU and YOUR own future children.

step out of the situation and let them fall. I bet they both start acting when you stop.

I don't drive and for 3 miles I'd bus, tube, walk or Uber depending on age/whinginess of kids and how much I was carrying.
I don't cycle because of the same lack of spacial awareness that stops me driving, but that might be a good idea too, especially with one of those little kid wagons you can add to the bike.

Don't worry, I do work full-time.

Financial independence is important to me and the reason we can live where we do. I have struggled with being told I work too much so have actually changed jobs this year (better job, WFH, better pay and less hours).