How do people manage moving the kids between houses with no car?

[selck]

DSD6's mum doesn't drive, DP doesn't drive either.
We used to live a 10 minute walk away from eachother until she decided to move. Now DSD's school is three miles from our house and we have her 50% of the time.
It's always assumed that I will do the picking up and dropping off as I'm the driver.
Honestly, I'm a bit sick of it. Neither parent wants to sit on two buses with her, which I understand, but there must be some alternative to make things easier.
The new house and school are in a worse area so I'm not wanting to move closer as when I have children I would like them to grow up where we live currently.

How does everyone else manage?

Why did the mum move?

Mum moved as she was having another baby, wanted a bigger house.
DP has been in a car accident before — that's his reason, I've tried pushing it before but doesn't get anywhere so I've learnt to accept this is a boundary for him.
He did not want DSD being moved schools but mum insisted and that was that. She promised that she and her boyfriend would pick up/drop off at least 50% of the time but that was never going to happen but DP had to take it at face value.
DSD is six.
Takes about 15-20 minutes to get her to school in the morning with me driving, she starts at 08:30 and I start at 09:00. I WFH but don't have parking so it's a 5 minute walk to and from the car.

Just stop doing it. From tomorrow. When he realises what a pain it is he’ll get her mum to sort half one way or another. This is not your responsibility.

DP has been in a car accident before — that's his reason, I've tried pushing it before but doesn't get anywhere so I've learnt to accept this is a boundary for him.

So do you mean that he can drive, he just chooses not to?

Or does he just not get in cars, full stop?

I think if you are expected to respect his boundary (not driving) he is expected to respect yours... which should be that you don't do more than an occasional pick up/drop off. I would find it very hard to overcome this in fact and would question whether I wanted to stay and have children with someone who can't take care of the children they already have...

It might be a boundary for him, but that doesn't work if someone else is picking up all his pieces. He needs to insist on 50/50.
Her moving to a bigger house because she needed it for another child is fair enough. Her not doing 50/50 of the driving is not.

So are you doing pick up and drop offs on her mum's contact days too?

It’s like an hour walk. Longer with children but not impossible. Bikes are the other option. You shouldn’t be doing the driving though.

Are there no buses? Trains? A taxi?! 3 miles is absolutely nothing.

Bikes seem like the solution, if do it if I was available but not all the time

She promised that she and her boyfriend would pick up/drop off at least 50% of the time

Do you mean drop And collect DD to and from yours? Does that include school pick-ups? Your DP needs to remind/hold them to this.

There must have been occasions when you were free. What did they do then? And what would happen if you didn’t WFH? Would DP get the bus or a cab? He needs to start doing sorting himself out and not laying this all on you. It sounds like you’re being taken for granted.

www.urbaniki.com/en-gb/child-bike-seats/folding-bike-child-seat/

Junior bike seat, your DP can do the cycling got his pick up/drop offs mum's travel is her problem to solve.

I mean frankly mum moving away for bigger house ect is fine.

3 miles and two buses though, either my area has very few buses that do incredibly long journeys around and about the town (and it's a large town) - possible. Or someone's making it seem worse than it is ?

Do you know for a fact it's 2 buses or is this just what he's told you? If it is, I'm little shocked because my town isn't what I would call a thriving metropolis but one bud defo covers more than 3miles. The only exception I can think of to this I suppose would be London.

What mum and dad do to facilitate this isn't really your problem to solve.

If pushed I would say I respect your decision not to drive, and now you have to accept my decision not to drive.

Personally though I think him being a bit wet re making this fairer splitting the journey with the ex a bit off putting.

What I don't understand is why your partner didn't seek a court order to block the school move, given you have DSD 50/50 - you say it's a worse school in a worse area. Then DSD's mother would have had to sort out pick-ups/drop-offs on her days or accepted being an EOW parent if that was too much for her and DSD would have got to stay at her original school.

Shes a right sort!

I'm sorry she's been like this. She clearly doesn't care about her own child.

Bikes or walk..bit old fashioned I know but needs must.

They do have bikes, she's just learnt how to ride so a bit daunting for her to cycle all the way there with a time limit in the mornings.
I only do drop offs on the mornings we've got her, I don't go to mum's and pick up DSD.
He got a tagalong for his bike but they've not used it, I'll push them a bit to give it a go.

Thank you everyone for reading and the advice. I try not to rock the boat and accept I've got no choice where she gets sent to school, I did tell DP my point of view when I was told she was moving. I didn't think moving was in her best interests, but here we are.

I have also told DP that I resent doing all of the driving. But obviously, his priority is making sure DSD is happy and if that involves her preferring to get in the car with me he's going to want that. I will hold my hands up and admit that despite not enjoying doing it, I don't moan about it in front of DSD and that makes it easier for everyone to depend on me driving as the default solution.

First paragraph is referring to dropping to school in the morning on our days, not every day. I do all pick up and drop offs from Mum's house. Apologies if that isn't clear.

I think you need to encourage DP to drive. If you plan to have your own children you will end up doing even more driving around.

It sounds like ex hasn't got enough income to stay in same area. I don't think you should move tbh as once she finishes primary it will be easier.

Would it be possible anyone else travels that way that could pick DSD up?

Does your DP work? If so how does he get about?

Also an occasional Uber wouldn't break the bank.

What a tedious load of bollocks.

In your shoes, I'd end this relationship and have children with someone who doesn't bring all this baggage. It's only going to get worse.

You DP sounds very weak. I don't understand why she had to move schools if she is with you 50% of the time.

DP walks to work.

Mum doesn't work, never has as long as I've known her. So I don't know what her financial situation is but I know her parents send her money as well as UC, DP sends her money also. So moving was definitely about not being attractive to landlords.

I've told him he should use the bikes this week instead of me driving.

Its 3 miles. No judge would refuse that.

You wouldn't get a court order to stop her moving 3 miles. She can reasonably argue she needs a bigger property for another child on the way but that Dad can drive and simply chooses not to.

He would be expected to step up and rightly so.

I don't think the two buses thing is unbelievable. Everywhere I've lived, buses go from different areas into the centre, like spokes on a bike. If you wanted to get from one area to another around the outside you'd need to get one bus into the centre and one bus out again.