How do people manage moving the kids between houses with no car?

[selck]

DSD6's mum doesn't drive, DP doesn't drive either.
We used to live a 10 minute walk away from eachother until she decided to move. Now DSD's school is three miles from our house and we have her 50% of the time.
It's always assumed that I will do the picking up and dropping off as I'm the driver.
Honestly, I'm a bit sick of it. Neither parent wants to sit on two buses with her, which I understand, but there must be some alternative to make things easier.
The new house and school are in a worse area so I'm not wanting to move closer as when I have children I would like them to grow up where we live currently.

How does everyone else manage?

I’m glad you have a better job… but who is telling you that you work too much?

when DSD is with you, do you end up doing more for her than DH?

@SheilaFentiman I feel like a do a regular 'triple shift'.

For example I am the one that is asked for food or a drink by DSD, or where something is: "where are my shoes/socks/specific toy". I tell her if she can do something, she should. So if it's cereal or water, she needs to do that herself. Dinner etc I would usually end up doing as DP is usually doing homework/playing with her then. But it's dad that she wants when she's asking for a story before bed.

For 3 miles???

It's not about the distance! A PSO would have stopped the school move. She doesn't get to unilaterally decide to move school. This should have been discussed and the father should've said no based on transport and other reasons.

Sounds like you’re doing all the ‘work’ of being a mum but not getting all the lovely bits. You need to sit down and split chores more easily and maybe have some 1-1 nice time with DSD that isn’t just about you driving her around and taking care of her immediate needs.

Ahh, so you're the unpaid house elf.

Important enough to get landed with most of the drudge work, but not Important enough to have an opinion on anything or for your wishes and feelings to be taken into account.

Had the school move been declined then the problem would be the mother and her partner’s (as they would presumably still have moved house) and they have the exact same transport issues (mother does not drive, partner does). Not sure that the judge would have declined - six of one and half dozen of the other.

It would be the mother facing transport issues, but the child would have remained at her existing (better) school and would not have had to start a new school, which might have been better for her.

It would then likely have moved to settlement. She was settled in her school. So no point in changing.

It just further shows his lack of for-thinking. And what a terrible idea having another child with him would be!

Well, I understand that: my point was that it wouldn’t be a slam dunk the judge would rule DSD couldn’t be moved.

Anyway, that option is gone.

I don't want to make a point but mum moving away 3 miles to a bigger house for more space, isn't actually moving miles and miles away and financially and logistically isn't something we can slam mum for.

It's also something a judge wouldn't be to impressed with being asked to stop mum moving 3 miles away it's not 100miles which does happen. It should be manageable for the parents but neither are managing it. Bar op. Which is bonkers.

That said I don't think it would have been a slam dunk win for dad at any rate if he had tried to stop mum.

There are bigger issues at stake here iMO and op has no control over the move mum made so I don't think it's helpful to keep beating a horse that's already bolted

The bigger issue is both sides aren't pulling their weight. And to that other than op just say sorry no, I can't see a way to force them to. Sadly.

What fantasy land do you all live in if you think a judge would have stopped a 6YO moving schools? Tell me you have no experience of family court without telling me.

The problem, as ever, is your DP. You cannot stop (and I doubt a court would) a move of 3 miles, but as your DP didn't bother to contest the school move, you are left as you are.

I'd be so annoyed if it were you OP. What would they do if you weren't there, have they asked you that?

My DD's father is a piece of work but he's never expected his new partner to facilitate the logistics of his contact time. And when we were together he didn't expect me to facilitate contact time with his older kids!

I think this is for your DP to sort though, he is the one benefiting from you picking up the slack. I bet he complains bitterly if you say you can't today because you've got a meeting or something? And he's totally made the assumption that it's fine to volunteer you for this, probably without ever asking you.

Now when you try and out your foot down 100-1 you will be made out to be the villain for making the child's life so hard!

If a court application on the school move had been made, the judge would have had to decide whether it was in the child's best interests to stay at the original school or move school. Since the parents share 50/50 care and refusing the school move would not have prevented the mum's move, the judge may well have decided that it made sense to maintain the status quo when it came to schooling, especially as the new school is not as good. However, it's clearly too late for the OP's partner to do anything now the move has taken place.

Quite. I'm not sure the mother's argument that 'I don't drive so DD can't carry on attending a school 3 miles away but needs to go to a worse school so I can walk her there' would cut much ice with the family courts. The courts might even suggest in those circumstances that the girl would be better off staying with her dad most of the week… But as PPs have said, it's too late for that now.

@selck it's fine to have boundaries, but the consequence of your DP's boundaries is that he has to source an alternative means of getting his 6-year-old DD to school. Your desire not to be that alternative is just as valid a boundary as his.

Please don't have children with this lazy man child. If you weren't around would he just not see his daughter...? Clever of him not to cook tea because he's playing with his daughter.

GooseberryCinnamonYogurt
You wrote this:

@GooseberryCinnamonYogurt DSD has mentioned that this new boyfriend often 'forgets' a car seat, and drives like a maniac. I'd rather she didn't get in the car with him.

Which makes me think you're just making excuses now.

I would never, ever drive with a child in the car without a seat. Is that unreasonable?

My point which I didn't make clear is you've based his driving on the opinion of a child. Have you driven with him?

I really think they're taking you for a mug.

The stepdad in this scenario is a disgrace. He’s a dangerous driver so he gets out of doing any of these pick ups and drop offs.

He should grow the F up and change the way he drives especially now he’s a dad himself, and then he could do some taxiing about too.

According to a child he's dangerous.

The mum walks to do her own school runs. It’s not clear how many runs to the mother’s house OP is doing which the stepdad would otherwise do, if OP thought he was a safe driver.

@GooseberryCinnamonYogurt he's been in the paper for losing his licence before.

@funinthesun19 he's got three kids.

@thing47 you're right, I'll put that to him if we have further issues down the line. He's agreed to make more of an effort with the bikes and arrange our days better to avoid relying on the car unnecessarily.

And maybe it’s true? Sounds a bit of a random thing to come from a child for it not to be true. Why would she just make it up that he drives too fast?

And even if he isn’t dangerous, he’s not doing any driving about. If op is expected to do it then so should he.

@funinthesun19 he's got three kids. I’m sure those 3 kids learn some great examples from their father.

I mean this is bizarre.

Why is it only op and the SF who forgets car seats and drives like a nutter enough to scare a child that are responsible for doing drop offs/pick ups.

Where are the parents and why do they think it's ok to lump this on their partners ? And take no action to solve the problem to help their own child.

I certainly as a mum would be learning to drive if my partner was a unsafe driver and wouldn't be like well my ex's wife can drive if she's got a issue with my partner driving 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Am I missing something here ? Why is the bar set higher for the sp (even though sf isn't a safe driver) and the parents aren't getting pulled over the coals ?

I feel like I'm missing something 😵‍💫 someone please help explain this.