The Goose and Carrot Thread

[hibernatinghedgehog]

Everyone is welcome. The thread is deleted after 90 days.

@NightHeron DD1 won't have anything like that amount of money because she isn't CHC funded, so they will take all of her benefits except about £30 per week, I think. I'm sure there will be things to do, it's just all quite nebulous right now.

Long chat with SW for review, and I am going to send an email of changes since last assessment and they will go from there. Also contacted a day centre and we are going g to look round on Thursday. I’m not sure ds is anywhere near ready to go anywhere, as his other activities exhaust him but he misses college so it might work one or two days a week in a bit. I hope I’m not wasting everyone’s time.

@Lougle they are ridiculous. Eat chocolate kid migraines allow. Try not to let them swoop you up and down too much. Proceed towards your goal relentlessly. Answer all their questions, remind them about the zoom meeting covering this and suggest they update their info to reflect the situation thus far, DON’T let them in dds bedroom. I find that outrageously intrusive.

IF migraines allow

That sounds like progress @SunriseSunsetz

I've finished the cross stitch pattern I wanted to send with DD1. I've blanked out her name for MN. I think she'll like it.

Very cute @Lougle , and every cross a kiss.

My builders are awol. There is mud and trenches everywhere so ds can’t use the garden. I’m trying not to get cross and or cry.

That's cute @Lougle Hope you can get certainty for your DD1.

Sorry builders are awol @SunriseSunsetz whilst everything is muddy. Hope they return soon.

We will move the old shed out and cut it up a bit more for its clearance. DH was quite naggy when I reminded him this morning and the cat started waking me at 4am but now DH is more cheerful and think we can get started soon. DH always wants to sleep until noon but doesn't work with daylight hours and work that needs light and also disrupts DS and don't think its good for DH either. I quite enjoy outside work. DS seems happy but unsure if he can use the new shed yet but we will transfer some things across for him and reassure him its fine to go in it. We cleaned it yesterday as floor was muddy from work. Nervous about electricians on Thursday as they are cutting off a lot of our electrics to sign it off as safe but at least we don't need listed buildings consent. Just hope there's not too long a wait for them to do the 3/4 days of electrics work but don't want to book with them until they have given certificates as they keep promising and not delivering.

lougle that is very sweet. It is such a big change for Dd1 (and the rest of you) so you would hope everyone was trying to make it as painless as possible.

@Lougle that is lovely.

We finally have funding agreed for the new tutor we need to recruit for DS1’s package. Before advertising, I am going to email the tutor I had in mind to see if she is still available. She had finished working with a child after they started a residential placement and was doing agency work, but I don’t know if she has taken on another permanent role.

@hibernatinghedgehog I hope she's free. Great news about the funding.

I'm a bit frustrated. I've had an email response from the care manager to say that she'll send photos, but they need to check that I'm aware that the placement isn't confirmed, there is no move in date, and if there is an emergency or they decide someone needs it more, DD1 may have the place delayed or revoked altogether. I wasn't aware because the SW told me that the placement would be able to welcome DD1 from 23/11/26.

That's frustrating re placement @Lougle but hopefully as date is 2 weeks away will get sorted soon.

Great news about tutor @hibernatinghedgehog

Got DH out in the garden after much muttering and was fine once there and we got all of old shed cut up and at side of house ready for collection and lots of leaves cleared and put back DSs rug, cushions and non-slip mat for rug. DS has been in there again and had noticed that the windows open as he had left one open so he seems happy with the shed. We will paint it next year once tanalised wood has dried out.

@Lougle Write to all of them and ask what date they are going to firmly give her a place or firmly deny her one. This is one of the things I found completely baffling with ds’s education places. He got far less managed transitions and far far more chopping and changing than his able siblings. Infuriating.

I left dh dealing with a sad ds today. They are both slightly outraged. Ds was looping though so nothing I said was going to make things better.

@Lougle I’m sorry you are being messed about and being told different things by different people. I hope you get some certainty soon.

@SunriseSunsetz I’m sorry DS is sad, but DS and DH both being outraged made me laugh.

Lovely shed @ViolaCat.

I have heard back from the tutor. She has taken a permanent role, but it is only for 10hrs a week, so she still has availability. We might have to tweak DS1’s timetable to fit in. For the right person, that is worth it. I am going to arrange an interview and a trial shift. I hope it works out and she wants the job.

ViolaCat the shed looks lovely.

Good news about the tutor hibernatinghedgehog. I hope it all works well.

lougle that is disappointing and infuriating in equal measure. I hope all does go to plan eventually.

SunriseSunsetz it is good that you were able to leave Ds and DH to it.

I think I have finally recovered from a cold followed by chest infection and asthma flare. Dd is still struggling with a bad cough. Ds has just begun the cold - off work today. Dh is saying he doesn't feel very well.

@Lougle That is a cute picture! I hope you get some resolution on DD’s placement. So much uncertainty, not knowing where she is going to go, is unfair on a young person!

@hibernatinghedgehog Its good news among all the mess, created by the uncertainty over the tribunal, that you might get back a tutor, you are happy with!

Honestly, why do vulnerable young people have to go through all this, on top of all their problems, beyond their control?

@ViolaCat That is a cute shed! Let’s hope DS is pleased with it, when it’s finished!

@NoHaudinMaWheest I’m glad you are starting to feel better. I’m sorry DH, DS and DD are unwell. I hope they recover quickly.

@NightHeron I think the LA is of the same opinion as a poster on an AIBU thread a couple of days ago who said DS1 doesn’t need 2:1 supervision because he has 8hrs of maths tuition a week and couldn’t understand what the HLTA is doing while DS1 has tuition, therapies and exercise. How I rolled my eyes at that.

Completely ignoring that DS1 needs 2:1 support to keep him, the staff and others safe. Also ignoring that the tutor/therapist isn’t going to be doing the personal or medical care for DS1, that the HLTA is present to ensure consistency of approach across staff, and to ensure the SALT/OT/physio/CP strategies are embedded across all provision.

The same poster was surprised a CYP can manage a full package and it still be inappropriate for provision to be made in a school is.

They thought 8hrs of maths was shocking because others in school don’t get this amount. Ignoring that the tutoring hours are all the academic input DS gets. There’s no homework, no before/afterschool/lunchtime/holiday revision sessions, no off timetable revision sessions or enrichment during the school day, no dropping in to the teacher at lunchtime because he doesn’t understand something. Ignoring DS’s difficulties mean things take longer to do/process. And actually, some DC his age get more if they are doing maths and FM A levels.

And that was all from someone who apparently has DC with SEN and works within SEN.

@hibernatinghedgehog you aren't seriously trying to logic your way out of barmy, are you? I had a conversation with DD3 about her 'friend' at the weekend and said that she needs to have a box in her head labelled 'things <friend> thinks' that she can chuck all the rubbish into. MN is a bit like that - people have sniffed the air of a child with SN once or twice and think that they are experts.

@SunriseSunsetz the audacity of letting the boys sort each other out. Fantastic.

@ViolaCat the shed of legends is real! Well done.

@NoHaudinMaWheest sorry to hear the virus is going through the family. We're similar - DD2 is feeling under the weather and DH has developed a slight cough so I think they are on the way down.

I'm hoping that the care home situation is just formalities. DD1 really needs the place and she's obsessing all day.

DD1 was quite cute this morning though. She said "it's a pity they haven't fixed that in our house, or should I say 'your house' because I'm moving!"

Well that was a long day. Both men seemed to survive having to feel not so happy without my input. To be fair to dh he had done a whole days work and probably deserved a cup of tea. Ds has explained he doesn’t like it when I am tired. I suggested he helped more and then I wouldn’t be so tired. Much laminating has had to be done to recover from this revaluation.

@ViolaCat oh well done on the shed! I hope he loves it and you and dh feel proud.

@Lougle i do love your dd1, so sassy!

IMO, some posters, supposedly with children with SEN fall into the trap of thinking that their child behaves well in school, because of their good parenting; not because the child is that way inclined. They don’t seem to understand, they probably wouldn’t do any better with some other children with SEN and challenging behaviour; nor do they have any comprehension of what it’s like, looking after a child with LLI!

I did Maths and FM A level and I'm pretty sure we had 8 hours a week for each subject. Possibly 6 each but more than the single maths sets.
DH still waking multiple times in the night, I think I'm sleeping through because of the amitriptyline (can't remember who was mentioning it upthread) that I have for migraines. But not dropping off that quickly and (my fault really for just being late to go to bed/looking at my phone for too long) not actually trying to sleep.

DD started a non-competitive gymnastics club this week, two girls she knows are already in the club and she seems to like it. Hamster also making her happy - and we found something else to watch together. We seem to have converged on things DS likes and we could both tolerate (e.g. real life cop shows) but that we wouldn't watch separately. We've chosen Celebrity Race Around the World (have not heard of any of the competitors and DD very scathing about people who called their daughter Princess!).

Hope the gym club gives DD an outlet & friendship opportunities @drspouse sorry to hear of DH sleep difficulties no easy fix xes but time. We enjoy watching race across the world & not heard of most but watching the relationships grow is lovely & I’ve been surprised by princess & jnr.

Im quietly shaking with anxiety as dropped DD2 off for the exam she’s terrified off. I kept it very calm but once home after dropping her off I burst into tears making a cuppaT. The internal pressure of always being the swan is hard when you’re struggling with winter bugs & work pressure too. I so just want to hibernate or run away too like my sis has just done. Hopefully in 3hrs time all will be calmer again before last one next week.

Glad your DD likes gymnastics and hamster @drspouse . We are also watching Celebrity Race Around the World.

Thanks @SunriseSunsetz Good your DS loves laminating.

Thanks @Lougle Hope the placement talk is just formalities.

Thanks @NoHaudinMaWheest Hope everyone gets better soon.

Thanks @hibernatinghedgehog Good about the tutor.

Thanks @NightHeron

DS seems happy with his new shed - DH has just came back from the garden and said 3 windows are open in the shed which is DS. He's a bit like a cat with it at the moment investigating it carefully and nosily first but there's lots of short visits so am anticipating full acquisition shortly.

Hippo have been pre 9am and cleared all the old shed from side of house, good to have that gone. Hopefully will get more done today ahead of electricians cutting things off tomorrow though I am treading carefully as DH was grumpy yesterday and getting tired with all the work. Though seems very happy that hippo came so early today and that DS is using the new shed. Have bathroom tiling to finish and they are cutting off a lot of electrics tomorrow and have an electric tile cutter. I just hope the shower and bath hot water don't get cut off and wifi.

Hope the exam goes OK @Woolyhatson and the whole process is over soon and you can get some time for you.

Woolyhatson I hope the exam goes well and I hope you get a break soon. Trying to be super human is very tiring.

ViolaCat Great news that Ds seems to be liking the new shed.

When the leader of his Majesty's opposition comes out with such ill-informed, totally beside the point rubbish about disability and work, it is not that surprising that random posters on AIBU also have no idea.

@drspouse I mentioned amitriptiline. DH was prescribed it, when he had an anal fissure, to make sure he slept through the night, and I was given it off licence, as a painkiller under the Pain Clinic. If it’s for sleep, we find it best to take it early in the evening, so we are proper sleepy with it by bedtime!

I am glad you and DD have found something to watch together. It gives both of you some respite perhaps temporarily, from the pre-occupying thoughts?

We like Celebrity Race Across the World. It’s good to have family programs for us to watch with DD1, as we have to keep away from crime, horror, disturbing news programs with her. They can set off her paranoid fears, about axe murderers.