The Goose and Carrot Thread

[hibernatinghedgehog]

Everyone is welcome. The thread is deleted after 90 days.

@Woolyhatson I hope the exams go well.

@drspouse I’m glad DD is enjoying having the hamster and liked the gymnastics club. Don’t beat yourself up over the phone at night. Sometimes it is needed even if normal rules say to avoid phones to help sleep.

@Woolyhatson I hope the exam went well.

@Lougle I’m sorry DD2 and DH are under the weather.

You are all right. Some people just don’t understand even if they have DC either SEN &/or work within the SEN system. I need a rather large box for all the nonsense.

My research showed me these days the vast majority of sixth formers in brick schools/colleges receive 4-6 hours of lesson time per A level subject with most of those, including DS2, receiving between 4.5-5.5hrs per subject. A few receive less than 4 hours, particularly with maths and FM when some schools try to teach both in less time than two separate subjects receive.

Also, the rule of thumb is that students 'should' spend time on homework/study equal to the time they are in class. So 4 hours lessons = 4 hours out of lesson study. DS1 needs that to be facilitated.

@drspouse it's lovely that you're finding things to do together.

DD1 is a wreck. We need movement. Friday is visit day. I've cancelled hydro because she says it's too much to do both this week.

DD2 has the virus. No college today.

DD3 has been well supported at school today but is going to be exhausted when she gets home.

Oh Friday is a long time to wait and have the anticipation and anxiety build. You might not want to do it, but since you have had more than one professional warn you it isn’t agreed yet, I would be tempted to send emails after any difficult days, reminding them how things are, how you/DD can’t go on as you are, etc. Just to keep their minds focused.

Im sorry DD2 couldn’t manage college. I hope her tutor’s words last week have meant she isn’t worrying about her attendance.

That’s exactly it, @Lougle. There’s no extra homework, independent study, revision sessions, etc. that happen for schooled DC. It all has to be set out in the package. It is the same for things like resources, etc. that are routinely provided in schools. It all needs accounting for.

@hibernatinghedgehog I might start doing that, but certainly I'll email the SW now.

@Lougle sometimes you have to be like a broken record.

I’m glad you understood the meaning of my last post. Terrible SPAG . I really should proofread my posts.

I have started the Christmas cake and tidied up the Lego mountain in our play room a bit, and taken a parcel to the Vinted shop. I am acutely aware that we are both waiting for DD to come home each day. I did manage to do something today and we are planning to go out somewhere tomorrow or Friday as it's forecast fine but cold.

@drspouse I don't think any of us would breathe if our child was out of sight after going through what you've been through. It's traumatic when a child dies in any circumstances, but your situation has another layer of trauma. You were right there and it didn't stop the worst from happening. No wonder you watch the clock, waiting for your DD to return. Be kind to yourself. You couldn't be coping any better, even if you aren't coping at all.

Drspouse you do what you need to do to get through the days. The lack/change of routine can leave a void.

Hope you can get out somewhere whilst its niceish weather @drspouse

Hope Friday goes well @Lougle

We asked DS if we could do more tiling of his bathroom and he appeared to go out to the shed but then when we went in the bathroom we discovered he was in it in the big cupboard. So DH went in and started to do a few things whilst I cleaned and sorted rest of downstairs. I put the boiler on and DS left it on whilst we worked. DS did shut DH out after 45 minutes or so but then at the end he had reopened his door so I went in and cleaned it quickly with him there. It didn't need much cleaning as I did it a couple of days ago. We got another of the solid wood former oak worktop shelves varnished, brackets up and in the laundry room.

I saw he had taken his first bath in the jacuzzi bath though as a normal bath as the electrics aren't connected yet. Told him about electricians tomorrow morning.

Tonight is one of those nights where I would like to send an email I really shouldn’t. Instead, I will quietly seethe while politely replying with a sanitised version of what I would really like to say.

@drspouse thinking of you tonight as you carry on. Getting outside is good. I suggest lots of outside jobs/errands to DH when he can’t sleep as it helps somewhat.

@hibernatinghedgehog I'm proud of you. All grown up. I am trying to be grown up too.

I think I have another virus. My throat is sore, my nose is clogged and I'm very weary.

I'm trying not to be anxious about DD2's attendance at college. Logically, she can't help needing time off for a virus just because she's had time off for surgery. Yet I'm fighting the doom and every day feels like a week.

Joining you on the virus bench it just feels relentless the winter bugs this year haven’t let up in our household. Got to phone in DD1 sick to work in a bit & I can’t as feel guilty letting my mgr down as due to present at meeting luckily on teams. DD2 is starting to snuffle but still one more exam to go
@hibernatinghedgehog writing it draft helps me then I edit it 12.hrs later into more sanitised form. @Lougle I hope college see reason & you all feel better soon .

Electricians now in and DS is staying in the summerhouse whilst they are here.

@Woolyhatson i feel like a good cry too. 3 hours of avoidance last night and it is so draining. Keep going only 1 more exam to go, then is DD2 on a break?

In other news how shitty to read that 18-25 year olds have 7 years of not being disabled enough for health element of UC or PIP.

@ViolaCat the summer house is magnificent! Much bigger than I imagined. All of your hard work is coming together. I’m so pleased for you that DS has been using it.

@Lougle and @Woolyhatson I’m sorry you are all feeling rubbish.

@Lougle I’m sorry you have need to be a grown up around emails too. Don’t you just wish you could say what you really thought sometimes.

@RedMoniker I’m sorry last night was tricky.

@Woolyhatson I sometimes write the draft I really want to send then wait a bit before replying properly, but this needed a quick response before everyone in the email chain pencilled in a rescheduled meeting for a date I had already said I wasn’t doing.

What I really wanted to do was rant about them listening, having a bit of understanding, not trying to railroad me into something I had said no to, remembering the child (DS1 in this case, even though he won’t actually take part in the meeting) and family are supposed to be at the centre of such meetings, and if they went ahead on that date DH and I would not be there and it would not look good for them if we are not part of the discussion since collaboration is at the heart of decision making at such meetings.

I keep in mind this mug when emailing the LA or anyone related. This reply was to an HCP, and the chance of the email being read out in court was practically zero whatever I wrote, so the mug didn’t have quite the same effect as with other emails.

Ha! @hibernatinghedgehog I like these two.

Mug Made me laugh @hibernatinghedgehog but I do hope you can get them to listen.
I accidentally sent an email out at work last week to mgrs above which should really have been edited down a lot - it read like i was telling them off oops - the meeting next is off the back of this arrhh seriously going to have to bite my tongue and grit teeth in humble pie when the content is correct. Feeling rather poo hasn’t helped. Hoping a quieter afternoon will get me through. Need to stop procrastinating on MN with my coffee!

Sorry your limping along too @RedMoniker 3hrs of late night procrastinating you have far more patience than me, I’d have gone to bed. I’m really not good after broken or lack of sleep as I age.

@Woolyhatson I hope your meeting went well.

@Lougle I love them!

I managed to choose a load of pictures for the funeral (no funeral director slide show limitations so we chose about 50!) and then go out to an NT property where we've been taking him since he was a baby. Then the carer who used to babysit came over to help make paper airplane bunting for the funeral and now I'm trying to persuade DD that if she doesn't get a move on she won't have her homework done in time for Scouts

DH really really doesn't want to have dinner at home on Christmas day so we have booked for a lovely seaside hotel for our lunch. I'd be happy to be at home and to cook but he wants to make it a bit different but not as much effort as going away.

Thanks yes i survived I’ve maxed out on paracetamol & ibuprofen today as virus cold no 3 in 8weeks has taken full hold. DD1 is feeling & looking quite unwell with it. DD2 is very pale & tired but has done some work today. Just hoping she can keep it together until exam on Wed. Then a slight breather as we tackle English coursework as trying to get that finished off & submitted to tutor by Xmas. English is a trudge as she hates it but is very aware that if she doesn’t pass it college will keep making her take it so is trying to do what’s needed.

Crossed posted @drspouse the paper airplane bunting for the funeral sounds good and making different plans for Xmas sounds like a way to get through it when everything will bring memories up. I hope the seaside hotel is cosy & the weather is kind to you for a stroll or two after dinner by the sea. We are blessed to live near enough to the coast so often walk with the dog when it’s quieter.

@drspouse It’s good that you have chosen the photos, and it must have triggered many memories. Great plan to go out for Xmas dinner! It removes one source of stress for the chef(s)!