The Goose and Carrot Thread

[hibernatinghedgehog]

Everyone is welcome. The thread is deleted after 90 days.

What I find annoying about meetings, is how whoever wants the meeting arranges it for the convenience of every other attendee, except us!

I remember one time, the SW wanted to meet with me and the care agency manager. They decided between them, to come to my house at 3 pm one afternoon. I had to tell them, I was taking DD2 for a pre arranged blood test, at that time!

Another time, the operations manager at the FE college arranged a meeting by email at a certain time - various professionals were invited. I was working, and so was not checking my personal emails. As I hadn’t replied to the email within a few hours, the operations manager just set at it a time, convenient for the SW! It didn’t occur to any of them, for them, it was a work email in working hours and quite legitimate for them to be reading and replying to these emails; but it wasn’t for me!

It’s as if work is just a hobby for parents; and they don’t need the pay! Then, people complain about parents of disabled children on benefits!

That’s exactly the kind of thing I’m talking about @NightHeron . My house isn’t a meeting room and if it was I expect to be asked if it’s available. Grumble grumble. They also never set an agenda. Surely it would be more productive to say what you want to cover in the meeting and what info might be needed ahead of time and how long we have to cover that. At the end of the meeting surely each person should have a list of what happens next and what each person is going to do? I’ve worked for myself for over quarter of a century and I appreciate that the way we operate may be very paired back but this is very basic stuff.

The bottom line is I don’t begrudge a second of focused work surrounding ds’s care, but this nonsense not only wastes my time but the irritation upsets my calm which I need for ds. It is what it is and I must make it work.

So much chat struggle to keep up it’s felt an emotional roller coaster week with things happening in both DDs worlds. I’m currently on a 12hr day in mum support role for DD1 sporting competition. She’s due to stop next summer so many of these events now are last ones after many many years of being chief cheer leader & emotional support coach. DD1 is crashed out at home with DH recovering from exam anxiety and hibernating quietly.

@Lougle I really hope the placement transition for DD1 goes as supportively as it can and I hope your DPs get on board. Any change is daunting but especially so when your children are involved. Keep trusting your gut your doing amazingly advocating for all your DDs.

@SunriseSunsetz completely agree about professionals arranging meetings assuming your just free all the time when life is very busy with a jigsaw of competing priorities. I much prefer Teams video meetings perfect for us.

@RedMoniker how is DD doing with her studies & walks? Amazing she was able to walk into a healthcare setting she’s made such progress in the last year.

@ViolaCat hope you can get the electrics sorted sounds very tricky in a listed building.

@SunriseSunsetz Hope the driving goes ok, I had a super foggy early drive up the M5 this morning very tiring and back in the dark tonight. I’m feeling my age more now but know I need to keep doing these drives or I’ll lose my confidence as DH often does the longer drives these days if we are on hols.

Also just had email from caseworker as they still haven’t re issued the EHCP since July AR. I’m not bothered in the slightest whilst her AP & exams are funded. One college - that DD wants to try - has said yes in principle- I’d already had several chats with their Sendco & met the course leader to chat at an open evening. The college that the LA were pushing I didn’t visit but emailed the send team (no reply) to say we were not interested & they did not offer any of the courses DD was interested in. They have come back saying can’t meet needs but funnily pulled out things from her EHCP that first college can’t do either who said yes. The caseworker is still questioning it I’m just letting it slide at the moment. Based on current track record they have been pulling all post 16 provision locally and I’m under no illusion we will get anything funded next year. But I’m confident we can hopefully support DD some how. I’ve been looking at online plan Bs if needed. So so much can change between now & Sept27 anyway!

@Woolyhatson are the exams over? DD has ongoing physio and shoe inserts and feels better walking. She is hyper mobile. So we have some answers but not sure if that’s the whole picture. Her enthusiasm is there though which is great. I’ve got other life worries distracting me from DD atm but she is getting on with her studies and keeping up so far. The study skills mentor is a game changer. Brilliant woman.

Drspouse thinking of you all as the sun sets today.

@RedMoniker it is great to read that DD is feeling better walking. Finding the right people is so important, isn’t it? I know what you mean about feeling like you are missing a piece of the jigsaw.

@SunriseSunsetz if you don’t want meetings at home or at certain times, it is perfectly fine to say so and stand your ground. You can take minutes then circulate if you want to. Some of our meetings are minuted anyway, but if someone else isn’t taking minutes (or I don’t trust them to do it accurately) I do. Similarly, if you want an agenda and one isn’t provided, you can request it. Although for things like social care, the discussion may go in a different direction, so it isn’t always possible for an accurate agenda to be written.

@Lougle I would make a list of all DREs. Hydrotherapy, insurances, and services can all be DREs. Some assessment places are funded slightly differently to normal placements and aren’t means tested to begin with. I don’t know if that will apply to DD1’s case. Because it is an assessment place, they might not move DD GP practices.

@Woolyhatson good luck to DD1 competing. You may not hear from the LA with the finalised EHCP until March. LAs sometimes unlawfully ignore the normal timetable when it comes to phase transfer EHCPs.

I need to look for a dress to wear to a charity event later this month that I would rather not attend, but DH is speaking, so I have to.

@hibernatinghedgehog we have only just started to access the jigsaw box so I’m not sure what’s missing as we haven’t properly discounted things yet. Sainsbury’s TU have their new party wear in, I like their clothes.

Hope exams are finished @Woolyhatson and went well.

Glad walking is better for your DD @RedMoniker

Hope you can find a new dress @hibernatinghedgehog

Yesterday added more tiles to bathroom walls - not too many more to do then need grouting. We have paused that to do shed as new shed arrives early next week so today DH and I were out in the garden taking down old shed. Its down but we need to go back out tomorrow to cut it into pieces. Also cleared leaves today and cleaned chickens coop and had 3 singing silkies all singing together by me. Went out for the evening yesterday which was good. DS took a bath whilst we took shed down, upstairs. We didn't pre warn him shed was coming down as feared he may try and stop it but told him we are getting a new shed on Monday just for him and he seems OK about shed being down. We got lots of nice food and drink in for him before we started. Just getting fish and chips for dinner - we worked through lunch so not eaten yet today but there was an awful lot of food last night so was fine. Nice to be outside today, quite good weather here.

Thanks but have two more weeks of exams to go as a paper each week. DD2 actually did some revision whilst I was out today! DD1 had an unexpectedly brilliant competition. I’m knackered after driving but zero planned tomorrow except keep painting doors that’s on going, catch up cleaning & batch cooking prep for week ahead.

@RedMoniker ooh I like Tu bits too & have been asked to go fo work meal. I live in joggers and plain T-shirts mostly as work on teams calls all day or walk dog so have zero style. I do have one half sparkly top somewhere I’ll have to rummage & find it.

@Woolyhatson congratulations on the competition success. I hope exams go well and that you can recharge.

@Woolyhatson great that the competition ended in a high. DD2 is doing really well with this set of exams, nearly through to the other side. When you think how burnt out she was it’s no easy task. I’m looking forward to my DD passing enough credits this year to get her first ever qualification that is where the traction comes when the low mood hits and you can point to a solid achievement to lift it. I wonder if TU will have a Black Friday sale their bits are absolute bargains in their sale, I got complemented on a £7.50 TU jumper today.

@drspouse I chanced upon your hamster thread today. Who knew they needed so much space in their pen. I have handled a Siberian hamster and their reputation as biters made me cautious but the owner said regular handling helps a lot so I think your DD is going to have an enjoyable time with that job. I hope real life support is surrounding you and your employer is doing all the right things to support you.

Thanks @RedMoniker i actually had a few tears in my eyes chatting to another mum at the sporting event as they asked if DD2 ever comes to watch DD1 & I had to explain why not but was internally reflecting it was 3years ago she was utterly broken unable to get dressed herself, self harming, couldn’t leave the house and I found support here when all around in rl I couldn’t find any. Then thought about what going in to sit an exam achievement really meant as I started doing grade 1 maths with her as the first thing we did whilst we made slime lots and lots of slime making happened as therapy that first year out of school. She’s currently crocheting as her crafty therapy & has asked for a guitar for Xmas.
I hope your DD can continue her building blocks of study & confidence and you have support for the other life stuff. My energy bucket feels depleted this morning I’m hoping the dog walk will recharge me.

Ooh a hamster for dd @drspouse i hope that brings some joy and comfort. You have been very much in my thoughts today I hope your church family continue to provide some rl support.

Thanks @hibernatinghedgehog for EHCP advice always helpful. I’m still in a local support group and the level of help from LA at post 16 seems woeful I’m very much working on the assumption of zero help past standard provision with access to onsite send hub if DD2 goes to this college. Or we are prepared to self fund online ourselves and work on social skills separately. The LA had ofsted in recently inspecting yet again the send services after failing twice but the PR machine has been in overdrive on social media by the LA yet the level of actual service has been worse than ever reported in my local support group.

I've been trying not to let my bereavement leak onto other threads about DD but I'm glad you spotted the hamster. She's doing her level best not to harass her, and is currently making a house out of the cardboard box the cage came in. Not very outing picture should appear shortly. We don't live on a farm, we just have a tall stone wall in the garden.

@drspouse Cute picture! It’s good DD has something else to occupy her mind and pass the time. There is nothing any of us can say, to make her and you feel any better.

That's a lovely picture of your DD @drspouse thanks for sharing it. I hope she enjoys the hamster 🐹. I am thinking of you all and hope the funeral goes as well as it can.

Drspouse Lovely photograph. I’m glad DD is keeping busy.

I spot the Lego Botanical box, Lego flowers will look beautiful. Fitting for a Lego lover like your DS, I think.

@Woolyhatson well done to DD1. I hope you can secure what will work for DD. Many don’t get good post 16 support without appealing. More so post 18/19.

Thanks @RedMoniker. I will look at TU. I’m not a dress person, but it is a black-tie event; my usual attire won’t be suitable.

@drspouse a hamster is a perfect thing to get excited about. The house looks good!

@hibernatinghedgehog black tie! Very posh.

@Woolyhatson I hope you get what DD2 needs. Sometimes the smallest things make a difference. DD2's tutor pulled her aside to reassure her that she didn't need to worry about attendance and called her 'a little superstar'. She was beaming when she told me.

DD2 managed 3 days at college this week, which is great. DD3 is having a tricky time with a friend at school but the head of school is being really helpful and is setting time aside to speak to DD3 on Monday. DD1 is anxious for progress. We're like a plane that is circling in the airspace because we know where we should be going but their isn't room on the runway. I'm hoping that after the visit, if the flat is empty, they might allow us to gradually move stuff in ahead of the official move day - I think DD1 will cope better if we can just potter over with a few bits day after day, rather than having a big moving day.

@Lougle what a lovely comment from DD2’s tutor. I hope it eased DD2’s worries. I’m sorry DD3 has friend difficulties, but I’m pleased to hear the school is being supportive. Being able to transition over gradually would be good.

I’m not particularly looking forward to the charity event. It’s not personal against the charity or the other people who will be at the event. DH and I rarely get time together away from DSs. The last time was last year when DS1 broke DH’s nose, and I went with DH to a hospital appointment, then we had brunch out. There are a hundred other places I would rather spend that time away from DSs. But this is a charity who has supported us over the years, and they asked if one of us would speak at the event. The answer was always going to be yes.

My event was black tie the other day and not had a black tie event for a few years - when I was younger I loved going on getting a nice dress and dressing up. This time I was do I have anything -luckily I did have one dress that worked though was nervous as it was knee length but there were quite a few women in knee length dresses. Hope you enjoy the event @hibernatinghedgehog I was nervous about mine as it got closer especially as it was alone but enjoyed it a lot in the end.

Spent 5 hours in garden with DH preparing for shed arrival and working on disposal of old shed, well today was largely getting it out the way, starting to cut it up and cleaning the floor and clearing leaves. Yesterday was 7 hours and we are both knackered. But we have another week of lots of projects coming up. DS is cooperating really well - he seems happy about it and if we ask him can he move he does and fairly quickly. Will have Sunday lunch - DS had stopped eating it but we changed to roast pork and now he's eating all of it. Does love his red meat though I try to keep it down. There were so many feathers in the garden not sure what has been happening. The silkies were singing every time I went by them but were nervous of DH and his hammering. Not sure how we will dispose of shed but everything is clear and ready for new one and that's a problem for another day along with how will we manage when they cut most of our electrics off on Thursday so we can get the part P. We always seem to find solutions.

It sounds like you need a skip @ViolaCat I’m dying for our builders to leave so I can get one and get rid of the horrendous mess. One more week and life should be more normal. Epilepsy nurse is going to speak to GP about getting us some overlap on medication. We were down to last dose again this month again. On line reordering will now let me order ten days in advance, so perhaps things will get easier. Ds is being a star about meds and even checks I’ve had mine which I find sweet.