The Goose and Carrot Thread

[hibernatinghedgehog]

Everyone is welcome. The thread is deleted after 90 days.

Thanks @SunriseSunsetz Hope you can get a better solution on meds. I have 3 months of mine, took some persistence to get it and it was the pharmacist (?) at GP (person who issues the med prescriptions rather than GP) who agreed to it but its so much easier for us especially if there are shortages / specialist ones. Hope your builders will be finished soon.

We considered a skip but it would be on the road and council charge £65 and take 2 weeks plus anyone could add random stuff to it and its expensive. But currently I ordered 9 sacks from the council collection - that was £40 but they have put it up to £80 but I think will cancel it and get a refund as its going to be far more than that and also sacks are splitting but they only take normal sacks. But just found hippo bags site has a man and van option which seems to take garden sheds for £166 for a large one and can do this week, its £10 more for morning but that's not too bad. I hope they aren't fussy about front being painted but its only one side and 3 sides going would help. They give no dimensions on small, medium and large sheds but pictures and medium is only £10 cheaper - it has a door and a window so like their large picture. That would mean don't need to cut it up that much presumably as well though might cut it a bit more. The silkies were sat watching us like we were chicken entertainment.

Hippo man and van hopefully booked for Wednesday so can clear all the shed bits - hate having stuff in the garden. Will need to cancel council one but that's easy.

@hibernatinghedgehog it's funny how charities that aim to ease burdens can be a little short-sighted about the custom burden such requests impose. I've got the perfect fantasy speech though. "Thank you for your welcome. We've been asked to talk a little about what the charity means to us as a family. We're really grateful to the charity for all they have done in supporting us, but mostly we're absolutely knackered. So enjoy your evening and goodnight.'"

DD1 is highly anxious. She can't imagine what it will be like and I can't tell her because I don't know. She's been told too soon. I know it was necessary in that the manager had to assess before she could say they can meet need, and the manager has to say she can meet need before we can visit, and we have to visit and say we want the place before the funding request goes in, but DD1 can't cope with another 15 days of anticipation. She's worrying about burning herself with the kettle, cutting herself with the knives, etc., because she thinks she'll have to make her own cup of tea and food. She's worrying about being bullied. She's worrying about hydrotherapy and getting changed afterwards. She's worrying about whether she'll have to go to a medication room to get her medicine (like they have at college). She's worried they'll make her share her flat, so I've had to draw a diagram of her being allowed in her flat or the house, but the people in the house can't come to her flat. She's worried that the staff will go home at night. Poor girl.

@drspouse your photo captures DD right in the moment. It reminds me of a well thought out art installation with her big beautiful eye looking out. Frame worthy for its quirkiness. I’m thinking about you as you prepare for your DS’s funeral.

@Lougle it’s going to be a tricky transition, a YP leaving home is hard even without additional needs. You have got DD1 covered and sorted as much as you can but we are all here for you as a mum having a chick leave the nest.

@hibernatinghedgehog i wear a black tuxedo trouser suit or jump suit to black tie events so if you don’t fancy a dress just wear trousers.

@NightHeron how is DGD getting on? She must be 8 months old now?

@ViolaCat the group meet up is bubbling away and will get there but I know you are relatively close to me so if you feel like a day out and a drive come with DH and have a walk/coffee with me and my DH.

@SunriseSunsetz DS is blossoming in so many ways despite his poor health. I’m at the stage where if DD needs an interview for PIP I’m not doing it. The cost to her self worth would put her back in bed. How are the kittens? Any tax you could share?

@Woolyhatson your post on deep burnout resonates. I know our DC suffered it but I am not the same person having witnessed it. It is a long haul back to previous self for them and us. The pub raft was the only thing that kept me afloat.

@ViolaCat - we were supposed to have the plumber installing a new bathroom, starting to day. DH ordered a skip to put all the old bathroom in, as we have to dispose of it. However, our front gardens are open plan, due to a covenant on hard borders, so it’s easy for them to put a skip in the front garden! Anyway, the plumber has postponed it, due to the design not going to work and we need built in cabinets for the sink and toilet, otherwise it’s a mess with waste pipes everywhere!

@RedMoniker - DGD2 is fine, although puréed carrot was not a hit, in the weaning! There was puréed carrot all over her face, the bib and high hair - but judging by the miserable look on her face, not much inside her! The baby’s father is going for traditional purée type weaning; not baby led! He will have his reasons!

@hibernatinghedgehog I also often wear black trousers with a top and sequin jacket, to keep me warm at formal events. I feel the cold, and don’t like wearing flimsy, low cut or short sleeved dresses in the winter! When DH was at his old firm, there were quite a few evening dos in the City; but he and his current partner don’t do that kind of marketing. It’s too small a firm!

@Lougle - good luck to DD, leaving home. It’s a big step for her and you.

@SunriseSunsetz How is DS? How are the kittens - enchanting?

@drspouse I hope the funeral goes as well, as can be expected?

I have been quite stressed over DD1 and her swollen liver and gallstones. (The GP rang me again on Friday and disclosed DD1’s gallbladder has collapsed due to many mini stones. According to Google, that means her gallbladder is not working and will never recover! Then she had a drop attack onto her head Saturday night; and had to go to A & E for a head CT scan and glue. They were there until Sunday morning!)

The pub is my prop too though I sometimes wish it wasn’t public.

totally exhausting weekend (and two colour print cartridges down 😁) and this week is going to be a killer, but the end is in sight.

@SunriseSunsetz a shadow box with a slot is a good place to keep laminations if they are small enough.

DD is not doing great due to meds and clocks changing. Both up until 4am last night. It really messes with our energy for the daytime.

The funeral isn't for another couple of weeks but we are busy building Lego.
We found a couple of old children's books one of which has my great grandmother's name in and one has a name I didn't know of. Same surname as me/DF/DGF but my DGF only had sisters. I got this idea in my head it was a brother who died young but the dates were all wrong. Went to the library to use Ancestry and found out it was a cousin of my grandfather but he never had any children and was entered wrongly on someone else's family tree.

Now exhausted, that was enough thinking for the day. DH is feeling the lack of child based activity even more than me as typically I'd be at work and he'd be doing school run, waiting home for taxi etc. He's not sleeping well. I don't really know how to help him even just in the short term.

Thinking of you all @drspouse. I saw there's a lego hamster with a flower and thought of your DD.

I think with your DH it will be hard to sleep but I think the main thing is to just well with mine I would hold his hand tell him I loved him and listen to how he is feeling and tell him that you will support each other. Another option to consider is GP/ counselling / charities with others in similar situations though I think it maybe too soon for counselling/charities other than a very initial link in, it might be overwhelming and too traumatic at this stage but do what is best for your family. I would also try and encourage him to have time where he's doing something not thinking about this though that will be very hard to do but he mustn't feel guilty for that and its needed to give the brain time to rest. Sending lots of love. Some people find being very busy helps a bit with trauma but different people need different approaches. If he is better when busy then if you have a garden maybe an area of nice flowers or a bench though that's probably too much for now and please ignore me if any of this isn't helpful.

@drspouse the change in routine can be very hard. Is DH managing to get outside during the day? How is his eating and drinking? He might find napping during the day easier than sleeping at night, some do. Would DH be open to trying some medication to help with sleep? Lots of the advice is not to turn to drugs because they don’t help long term, but I know lots who have used them short term in the early days and have found them helpful. In the early days I had a small dose of diazepam short term to help with sleep. I didn’t take it every night, just some, and it wasn’t enough to completely knock me out. They helped with the long and lonely nights. I also know some who used drink to help them sleep. Also not widely recommended and I think you have to be careful going down that road.

@RedMoniker I’m sorry DD isn’t doing so well. I hope tonight is an earlier night. Your DD has made so much progress. I’m not diminishing DD struggling at the moment, but I think it can help to remember progress isn’t linear. There will be times where you take a few steps backward.

@NightHeron I’m sorry DD1 ended up in A&E. I hope her head wound heals quickly.

@ViolaCat and @SunriseSunsetz I hope this week’s building work goes well for both of you.

@Lougle so many worries for DD1. The unknown can be scary. at your fantasy speech.

That's a lovely idea to meet up @RedMoniker We can arrange something over PM - I wondered about RHS Hyde Hall though don't know if that's too long away from your DD.

We have a rather busy week this week - the summerhouse is currently being put up and has arrived. I've heard from listed buildings consent that we don't need it for the wiring and they said where we have consumer unit is fine. I have decided against shed electrics on thinking about it further due to safety with DS and wood / thatch plus DS would only use it for the ipad and he has about 10 of those which he swaps. He would not use a heater or lights as both annoy him. He would probably like a freezer of ice cream but would eat it all and leave the rubbish though actually he normally clears shed of rubbish though did find one of my flowerpots being used as a bin. Got council collection cancelled as sacks aren't going to cut it for shed disposal. Am assuming hippo collection is going ahead on Wednesday and waiting for confirmation, says processing. Then we will put things back in shed and continuing with tiling or gardening, have to sort through house for electricians on Thursday then rewiring will be 3 or 4 days and limited electrics until done.

Sorry DD has been in hospital @NightHeron

Sorry DD1 is anxious @Lougle

DH just rushed to tell me the shed front is up "and its very cute"

I haven’t tried it myself, but DD2 was advised to take promethazine, an antihistamine to help her anxiety and difficulty with sleep (due to her ADHD). I don’t think it’s intended for long term use, but maybe the odd night when people are struggling to sleep? She does get a sleeping pill now, but is only allowed a few a month. Zoplicone, I think.

I have taken diazepam to sleep on the odd occasion; and I was drowsy until 5 pm, the next day. However, if drowsiness is a side effect of a drug, it really affects me - 50mg of amitriptiline a day, and I can barely crawl up the stairs, whereas a friend was on 150 mg a day and she only had a dry throat!

@drspouse the waiting is hard, isn't it? Could DH busy himself with cataloguing DS's Lego? Did he have some pieces that were more important to him than others? It's probably a stupid suggestion but sometimes focusing on something that was important to someone can make you feel closer.

@RedMoniker I hope you both find restful moments today.

@ViolaCat shed progress! You've worked so hard.

@hibernatinghedgehog yes, DD1 is a bag of worry. Today the SW phoned and wouldn't give a straight answer as to whether the funding request will definitely be approved. It was total word salad. DD1 overheard and was distraught because 'she really needs this place'. I've got a banging migraine and somebody threw my last triptan tablet in the recycling bin, thinking the box was empty, so I had to empty the whole thing to find it. Just what I needed.

I use anti-histamines to help sleep as my sleep is terrible since chemo etc and they work for me, I sometimes need to take two but just get the normal type which are theoretically non drowsy but get me to sleep in 15 mins or so often. I was a bit worried about taking meds like that but someone said research has shown anti-histamines can reduce cancer risk as well so after that didn't care. In theory you are only supposed to have one a day but someone on here said their child prescribed two so figure it must be OK.

Hope your migraine improves soon @Lougle and thanks. Just had the Hippo collection confirmed though we need to make it a bit smaller to 2.5 metres max but they will take everything and need to move it to side of house. Just eating some Christmas pudding with double cream to provide energy. 😂

Summerhouse now up and DS was in it 30 seconds after they left.

@Lougle infuriating. Can’t these people see the negative effect they are having. From how you described what had been said, funding agreement sounded like a formality. No wonder you have a migraine.

@hibernatinghedgehog from what I can gather, the SW put an indicative budget request in which was approved because otherwise they wouldn't have assessed. But now they have to put the formal request in based on what the residential home says it will cost to place her. My logic says that they expect it to be approved because they wouldn't be so stupid to tell someone that they can look around and give a likely move in date, but I'm not sure if logic applies.

I had a stiff discussion today about whether the SW could visit because she said she wanted to look at how DD1 organises her room. No. It's her bedroom and she doesn't like people in her house. So then she said that she could visit another day. No, you'd still be in her house. Then she said that perhaps the care home manager could visit instead. Well, that would still be a person in her house, wouldn't it?? This afternoon, having been her SW for over a year, she's sent me questions about whether DD1 can get in and out of a bath (no) and how she manages stairs. This feels a bit late because the home manager has already identified that a ground floor flat with a wet room is necessary after one meeting on Teams.

@Lougle In my LA, a funding request for a care home may be approved, on the basis the cost will reduce over time! My SW told me, one care home manager gave them what for over it!

Luckily for me, DD1 got NHS CHC funding around that time, so it’s the ICB not SS dealing with it. DD1’s care home doesn’t believe in salami slicing provision, so their assessment of needs stands!

@Lougle how can the SW have carried out a Care Act assessment without knowing about bathing and stairs!

Obviously, you don’t have to, but could you draw a diagram of DD1’s bedroom? That will enable the service to know the layout. Some placements like to mirror the layout of home to help with the transition.

If you feel up to it, you could annotate the diagram with anything you have/do to support DD1. For example, if clothes are organised by having whole outfits together so DD1 knows what clothes to put on each day or if you have prompts stuck on the wall. (Sorry, I don’t know if DD1 gets dressed independently or not. I suspect not totally independently. Apologies if I'm wrong.) I know this adds to your workload so you may not be able to or want to.

Thanks both. Once I have an idea of the flat, I'll be able to do more. Currently, DD1's room is tiny, so I think she'll have more room at the care home.

@Lougle I had a 50 page care plan to fill out on DD1’s day, step by step through the day, including every aspect of her care like bathing, mobility, vision, hearing (ie what she can and cannot do herself) etc; her food likes and dislikes, religious beliefs, etc, before she went to her current placement.

In her case, she hasn’t got mental capacity, so there were loads of best interests agreements to go through, about what she can and cannot do - like internet use, spending money, audio/visual monitoring….

I send them £1,000 of her benefits every so often, which they keep in an account for her, as they go out with her and buy whatever she wants within agreed limits, on their credit card.