The Goose and Carrot Thread

[hibernatinghedgehog]

Everyone is welcome. The thread is deleted after 90 days.

Sorry you are having dishwasher trouble too @ViolaCat.

The dishwasher won’t even turn on. I’m not sure if it is fixable or not. DH is WFH and took the plinth off and pulled the dishwasher out to have a quick look on his lunch break but had no luck. He is going to have another look after work.

Hope your DH can fix that @hibernatinghedgehog It has a switch in the consumer unit and often something under the sink, hopefully its just something simple.

I suspect ours might be the heating element which may not be economic to repair. Well looks like about £360 with call out charge and we installed this one in 2023 but bought it in 2018. Though there's only 3 of us so its manageable until we have less projects on.

@drspouse I've been thinking of you today. Was it a school day for DD, or did she stay off? I think half-term was last week, like here.

Dishwashers are horribly complicated when they go wrong. Although not even turning on might be as simple as a fuse, @hibernatinghedgehog?

She was due to go back today but we let her have another day, plus she is coming home at lunchtime tomorrow for a Teams appointment to see about prescribing ADHD meds. I'm of the mind that we should take the prescription but not fill it out for a couple of months. We have no real handle on what her baseline behaviour and mood should be like at the moment.
She really needs to get out of the house though!
I keep thinking DS is only in the other room and then at other points it feels like it's always been just me, DH and DD.
DD was very nearly his height and weight so she's now wearing his pyjamas. It's lovely but weird seeing her in his favourite cozy Minecraft pyjamas.

Hope your DD manages school OK tomorrow @drspouse and thinking of you all.

We now have bath plumbed in with bath panel and taps / shower over fitted and the plumber also cleared DSs external drain so all plumbing is done. There's water in the bath until tomorrow lunch. Its about 13cms to the one edge so we will make a small frame / shelf to fill that. Otherwise fits perfectly. Electricians in tomorrow at 9.30am so electrics will be off - it shouldn't take them long to wire up the jacuzzi but when they fitted the consumer unit they found there was an electric fault they could not find but need to find before they can issue certificates which we need. They said last time this could take 2 hours to 2 days. Hopefully more 2 hours than 2 days as its no electrics whilst they do work.

Then we need to do tiling, final coat of paint and put wooden shelves up and also take the old shed down and get it ready for disposal. That will leave the bathroom flooring but that is challenging with DS as ideal is tiled but that involves toilet out for 24/48 hours and he will only use that toilet so we may need to leave flooring as concrete screed with washable rug over until can find solution to that. But at least that's all waterproof. I've discovered need special bath products as well so ordered one of those.

DH has made pear cake so DS will be happy. I had messaged his old camhs home treatment psychiatrist for the lost letter which then found and she asked how he was now which was nice.

@drspouse DD wearing DS’s favourite pyjamas is lovely. Sad but lovely. I think it is a good idea of yours to wait to start ADHD meds. Although the service might want to wait to prescribe rather than issue a script now. There isn’t a should on how DD, or any of you, should be right now or in day, weeks, months to come. There will be lots of conflicting emotions and responses. There’s no rule book, timeline or neat boxes. More like a rollercoaster or merry-go-round. A surreal one in a different universe. Which also explains your swings between feeling it has always been just you, DH and DD and thinking DS is in the next room (quite a common thought).

@ViolaCat I’m glad you have the bath plumbing sorted.

£360 with call out charge

Ouch!

@Lougle Inhoped it was just the fuse, but unfortunately not. It is 13 years old though and gets heavy use.

@drspouse it’s always so hard to know what will help children in these circumstances. To soldier on into school or take some time. Keep playing it by ear. There isn’t a right way.

I’m feeling a bit low. Ds1s new medication doesn’t seem to be helping. Builders still here and I’m not sleeping well.

However it’s November and I had set myself the task of getting our paperwork and legal scaffolding sorted this winter. To that end we need wills and a proper plan in place for the future and I think financial and health (if I can manage it) deputyships set up for ds1. I’ve been lax and it’s weighing on my mind, but in all honesty I feel very unprepared and like I only half understand what is needed and the process. I assume we will have to have a more formal assessment of ds’s capacity and we are due a reassessment from social services any moment (they are supposed to be calling “soon”). I need to pace things for ds because assessments of any kind exhaust him and make him sad. Ds isn’t at his most chipper as it is and so we haven’t been able to do much beyond his 4 activities a week so post college life is just what he was doing without college (which is not enough in theory but he doesn’t want to do any more). I think he just wants to lie in bed because he’s tired but if I let him it will be VERY hard to get him engaged again even once he feels better. I could do with a day or two sleeping myself but I suspect that’s never going to happen.

@drspouse I also think it's sensible to wait. It's such a strange time for you all. @hibernatinghedgehog is right about the rollercoaster. You've always seemed to be a very ordered person, especially with your science background, so it must be especially hard to accept that everything is chaos right now. I'm sure it will be exhausting to hear condolences, too, even if comforting.

@ViolaCat the end is in sight.

@SunriseSunsetz you haven't been lax. You've been super busy. If his only income is benefits, you shouldn't need financial deputyship if you are his DWP appointee.

13 years is great @hibernatinghedgehog but hope its not an unlucky number for the dishwasher.

We don't know what is wrong with our dishwasher - the Bosch call out charge is £110 and then its parts on top but the dishwasher only cost £325 in 2018 (started using 2023) and we are trying to establish what is wrong ourselves. We live in a very hard water area and life expectancy is around 7 years so in theory should have another 4 but not sure whether its better just to get a new one. We will keep trying - I also want to try and really understand the machine so it won't happen again, it should be easier now as we have less other things on and there's no rush to sort it.

I think you are trying to do too much at once @SunriseSunsetz and also I am not sure its worth trying for deputyship unless there's other income than benefits and health again not sure its worth it as ime they can overrule you anyway.

Electricians have been but sadly @Lougle the end appears to be moving further out - DS cooperated but they keep finding more and more things and they have wired the jacuzzi bath but said they won't connect it until more work has been done which seems to be rewiring most of the sockets in the house. This is not ideal as it'll be expensive and long and clash with the shed. I've asked if they can do an EICR at the same time as that is needed in a year anyway and can't face this again in a year. DS will not be happy his jacuzzi bath is not set up, we'll have electricians in for days and we will take his shed down. This is going to need diplomacy skills.

Luckily he can apparently use the jacuzzi bath as a bath now but not as a jacuzzi so that's something and new shed will be 90 mins to put up. We can get the tiling done now and shed down so 4 out of 5 things should get done this week. But they will be in and making holes everywhere and no electrics whilst they do it.

I’ve been showing ds1 how to use the printer so he can print out his hugemongous collection of cartoon character screenshots.

we need more coloured ink already🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

He is busily snipping them out while we wait for it to be delivered and then we are going to laminate everything.

@Lougle are you starting to feel better?

@SunriseSunsetz that’s lovely.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. It is not as though you have been sitting around doing nothing. Does DS have capital/income other than benefits?

We have personal welfare deputyship for DS1. It is important for him with his complex needs. We don’t need property and financial affairs deputyship. Being appointee will suffice. DS1’s only income is benefits and he doesn’t have any other capital except a CTF with a relatively small amount in. I am hoping the provider will agree to release the funds to me. Some do. Some don't, even though Industry Standards allow them. If not, we will need to make a single-issue application to the CoP or just hope that the situation with disabled YP and CTF/JISAs is resolved nationally.

@ViolaCat I hope you can find the cause of your dishwasher trouble. Sorry one job is leading to another and another.

Our dishwasher can’t be repaired. It is the control board. One of the parts we need is no longer made, and given its age, it wouldn’t be economical to repair even if we could get the parts.

@ViolaCat oh my goodness! It's so good that you are able to make the stretch financially. If that happened here it would be disaster street!

@hibernatinghedgehog oh dear. It does sound like your dishwasher is past redemption. 13 years is good going though.

I'm starting to turn the corner. My chest still hurts when I breathe in, and I'm still pretty exhausted, but my voice is quite a lot better. I got really annoyed with DH yesterday because he told his DM that 'we'd all come down with it' when what he meant was that his eye had been itchy so he thought it was the start of the virus! DD1 has been mildly under the weather, but was waking wailing last night, asking why she had to be the 'second sickest person in the house'.

DD1 had her assessment with the head of a social care provision today. It went well, so we just need to wait until they've talked to SS about funding. It's DD1's birthday in one month, so I asked DD1 whether she would want to move before or after her birthday if she had the choice. She firmly responded 'before' and said that she would then get two chances to celebrate her birthday. Little turncoat that she is!

Funeral date and time are now set. We have a donation page including to IPSEA, and they contacted us to find out about DS.

It's good that you have a date @drspouse. I'm sorry that you're having to think of all this, though.

Good you have a funeral date @drspouse

That's good DD1 has come round to the idea @Lougle. Sorry you are ill. Don't know how much the rewire will cost but not really got a choice as we need an EICR every 5 years to get thatched house insurance. Its slightly annoying how its happened though although they are lovely and hardworking young boys. They did first job fine for just under £1,000 which was reasonable then suggested we get a new consumer unit and said wiring was old - we said we knew wiring was old but it passed last EICR but last EICR also mentioned we could get a consumer unit. So as its been mentioned twice we go ahead with consumer unit as well as jacuzzi bath electrics which is another £1,300 - that was more or less what we expected. But the consumer unit is much more sensitive than old one and they knew it would be but did not warn us so its flagging the old electrics which passed previous EICRs fine. In their defence they say they are 60 years old but they cannot issue the certificates we need to sell house without us agreeing to this rewire and we wouldn't be able to get house insurance without this rewire. Don't know how much it will be - anything between £2,000 and £6,000 is what I am seeing online and normally those figures we always end up at top one though top one said includes consumer unit so maybe that's another £5,000. We have the money but I just hope this will solve it, they are not certain it will. And I really want the paperwork but they say they can't issue it until all is solved so we have no choice effectively. And this will make holes all over the house - I don't know if we need listed buildings consent first, that's free but takes at least a month once I have exact plans. Work in the extension is fine but this is mainly in old part of house. Though I think we can finish the bathroom other than the floor and the electric cable being connected so just a normal not jacuzzi bath.

At least DS was fine with the bath situation. And we have taken bath foam, shampoo and conditioner down so he can have a non jacuzzi bath in it.

Sometimes I feel like we are connected @ViolaCat. There has been a LOT of consumer unit nonsense and much cable nonsense going on here for some time. I think it sounds expensive, but if you need it you need it.

@hibernatinghedgehog at the moment I manage the benefits and ds has no other income. (Nb I saw something on line today about child trust funds being more easily accessed from now on for those who lack capacity). Ds has been struggling all year and meds changes don’t seem to be helping. I would prefer to have health and welfare only because we had a cock up at the hospital once with dd3 and while we were able to halt a mistake being made I don’t think in a similar situation we could with ds. The financial side is less obviously sensible but I thought might be easier if set up before it became necessary should he inherit. I wondered about setting up a pension for him or trust. It will require a lot of thought because I don’t actually know the options.

@drspouse a date is good. Well done for getting that organised. I think of you all often and hope the days are not too long.

@drspouse ITA with @SunriseSunsetz , it’s good to have date, even though it’s a lot of work to organise.

Drspouse decisions you should never have to think about. As painful as making arrangements is, it is good you have a date and time.

I hope going back to school helped DD, and her appointment went as well as it could.

@Lougle I’m glad you are starting to feel better. I hope the second sickest person in the house and man with the itchy eye aren’t too debilitated by their illnesses . Fingers crossed funding is agreed swiftly and there isn’t a long wait for a place.

@SunriseSunsetz you don’t need property and financial affairs deputyship if DS’s only income is benefits and he doesn’t have other capital. It adds paperwork, so I wouldn’t do it just in case you might need it at a future point. I have seen today’s news about the Financial Services Bill. It isn’t from now, though. A way to go, but the intention to pass primary legislation is a positive.

@hibernatinghedgehog the man with the itchy eye almost got poked in the eye when he was taking Anadin Extra 'to knock it on the head'!

@Lougle I bet it took a lot of restraint not to poke him.

He slept on his side....wisdom.

@Lougle you are a saint. I’m glad you are feeling better.