TDWP and recent goings-on

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

We thought it would be useful to explain our understanding of what occurred last week between Zombie, Footsteps/TDWP, Rhubarb etc to try to clear up any misunderstandings.

When the situation started to develop last week, we absolutely did not know that Footsteps was TDWP. We unearthed something to suggest that she was near midnight on the night that everything was kicking off. At that point, one MNer was waiting in a public place to meet up with her, and we had been told by Zombie and by Nom that the police were aware of the rendezvous details and were standing by to help if anything went wrong.

We could see from some PMs flying around that posters were saying that the crime reference number checked out, and that the refuge had confirmed they had a space for her, so at this point we thought the best course was to keep channels of communication open. So we didn't ban Footsteps again at that point, despite having realised who she was. We did re-ban her once things had settled down and we had been told she was in a safe place. Given past history, TDWP is not a poster we would consider allowing back to Mumsnet permanently.

At various points throughout the evening we were in phone or text contact with Zombie and with Rhubarb, mostly trying to establish (as far as we could) what was going on and whether people were behaving safely. FWIW, we thought at the time - and still do - that it was a hugely risky thing to do, and not something we would advise or encourage. We would never recommend that any MNer goes into a situation like this, particularly not on her own. As most of you will know, we remind posters regularly that not everyone on the internet is who and what they say they are. We're pulling together some content on internet safety for adults and hope to publish that soon.

We asked Rhubarb at the time (before we had conclusive evidence about Footsteps's identity) whether she thought the person Zombie was meeting was a previously banned poster, and she said that she had no reason to think it was.

Pretty much everything else took place off-board and via channels that we have no access to - so beyond this account we aren't able to say with certainty what has gone on.

Who fucking even cares if mud sticks, NO ONE KNOWS YOU ON HERE.

Whilst I don't think it's a good idea to get into a situation like this, I understand why zombie and rhubarb did.

I believe what you are saying rhubarb and I think you've had a real personal pasting which I think is totally unnecessary. I hope you stick around x

That's partly why it matters.

Do you want people to read your posts and go all the time?

I don't. I am fucking genius at times, people need to hear it and take me seriously

The whole situating was terrifying. It has made me lose faith in the police and refuge system actually

And THAT is why we (royal we) should NOT have got involved.

Notwithstanding that Zombie did something lovely and brave, she also did something stupid and dangerous, and if what happened during (and since) that night has put even one poster 'off' using a refuge / calling the police then that is one more woman who will sit in a DV situation and might end up DEAD.

...and where in our conscience would that sit?

TDWP/Foots/Whoeverthefuck should have followed the advice given to her by other posters and not got other people involved IRL
Zombie should not have got involved
Rhubarb should not have got involved
Nom should not have got involved
and MNHQ should have zapped the threads as soon as they started.

Thanks for posting this explanation, Rowan.

I remain confused about how Nom fitted in to it all, but understand if there is nothing further that can be said.

I hope mud doesn't stick this time wrt Rhubarb.

And I can't really remember why TDWP was banned either - all I can recall is her obsession with Take A Break Top Tips. It sounds like this has been a MNHQ nightmare though - Rowan, hope you're all OK.

@monicalewinski

Was "nom" real then, or a sock puppet of foots/TDWP?

We could see nothing to connect them, so as far as we're concerned nom is/was on the level.

As to your other questions, we just don't have the answers. Don't want to sound unhelpful, but we're trying to stick only to those things that we can be reasonably sure about because we've been personally involved.

Admiring Rowan's use of "recent goings-on." So euphemistically sweet, and brilliantly, quaintly old-fashioned with an air of firm disapproval.

Rowan thank you for posting MNHQ's POV.

Do you think, in future, it would be wise to let threads stand and not delete them on a posters whim? There is so much denial going on about what happened it's ridiculous. There are many copies of the threads out there, people are posting x said, and y said - it would have been better left so everyone could see what happened.

TDWP is a fucked up attention seeking troll. A hell of a lot worse could be sitting behind a keyboard arranging to meet someone because they desperately 'need help.'

Let the agencies do their jobs.

Who recognized that Foots was TDWP?

Why is this revealed a week after the event and not at the time?

I am confused.

I dont remember everything around TDWP, and not any big revelation. I must have missed those threads. I am not even sure I would have remembered/recognized dizzymare and cvq now!

Memories of trolls and PBPs fade, there are millions of threads here.

And Rhubs is lovely. She has even offered my family come and stay in her house, it is the way she is. Lovely, trusting and generous.

Thanks for clearing it up Rowan.

Rhubarb, I thought you did what you thought was the right thing that night. I have always had respect for you, have been on mn 5 years and you have always been lovely.

In fact Rowan, it would probably be in everyone's best interest to reinstate the threads, then everyone could see what everyone else said.

@ChippingInWadesIn

Rowan thank you for posting MNHQ's POV.

Do you think, in future, it would be wise to let threads stand and not delete them on a posters whim? There is so much denial going on about what happened it's ridiculous. There are many copies of the threads out there, people are posting x said, and y said - it would have been better left so everyone could see what happened.

We do see your point. BUT - and we do think it's an important but - they weren't deleted on a whim at all. The poster requesting deletion (and she can say who she is if she wants to, although that's entirely up to her) had good reason to think that TDWP's abusive ex - if indeed there is such a person; it was being said that he was reading the threads - could use those threads to work out her MN posting name, search her (very considerable) posting history, and end up putting her and her family at some risk.

Quint,
''We unearthed something to suggest that she was near midnight on the night that everything was kicking off.''

Rowan said only this, so it's not very clear how, but with the timescale quite relevant to Rhubarb i guess.

Cat
From what I can ascertain - TDWP is a real person, but your guess is as good as mine as to what parts of her situation are real, and what parts are due to an overdeveloped imagination / delusions / MH issues. I don't think she is a well woman, and I hope that refuge where she (presumably) still is will be able to help her access assistance.

She chose to go to a refuge far from the place she was living and Zombie offered to take her there (I think).

Please don't assume from this that the police and Women's Aid/Refuge are hopeless. They do a fantastic job. Yes, they may sometimes make mistakes, but I wouldn't base an opinion on unconfirmed rumours spread on an internet forum.

Iirc, she was banned in the first place because she was posting about her children being removed by her exH, without reference to her behaviour - which made many posters fear for their own children. This is par for the course, that she creates a big fuss and makes other users worry.

I think we all know who asked for them to be deleted. And her reason for doing so is fair enough, if she believed that DWP's hammer wielding bloke would find her. We would all do the same.

But that just highlights why the whole debacle should never have happened in the first place.

That some maniac is able to find a MNer and their family because of their over involvement with a person who turns out to be a troublemaking troll.

Well, quite Sangria.

It is why we should have a clear and open policy on how far MNetters should go when it comes to helping women fleeing violence.

Agree with LtEveDallas and think the whole thing should stop now, it's just feeding the trolls.

WE all love to take a pop at MNHQ when they fuck up, but sometimes when you lot we fuck up I think they have the patience of saints.

Can I ask what TDWP stands for? TIA

The Devil Wears Primark Excuse

If this isn't too much of a hijack can someone please explain to me the technicalities of exactly how a PBP can come back? I don't understand how IP addresses work.

Presumably all they have to do is get a new laptop? Or is it the service provider that is linked to your physical address and your telecoms bill, or what?

Can they be banned from posting on a computer at home but re-register from work? Or the library? Or their phone?

Laptops/PCs/mobiles/tablets/free wifi zones.

I have an expat shield for example. I could be Sangria on one ip address then log into my expat thingy and become Trolly McTroll. Without shifting my bum off this seat.

Plus, we, for example, change our provider every year as new offers come in. Signed up for a new one just yesterday in fact.