TDWP and recent goings-on

[RowanMumsnet]

Hello

We thought it would be useful to explain our understanding of what occurred last week between Zombie, Footsteps/TDWP, Rhubarb etc to try to clear up any misunderstandings.

When the situation started to develop last week, we absolutely did not know that Footsteps was TDWP. We unearthed something to suggest that she was near midnight on the night that everything was kicking off. At that point, one MNer was waiting in a public place to meet up with her, and we had been told by Zombie and by Nom that the police were aware of the rendezvous details and were standing by to help if anything went wrong.

We could see from some PMs flying around that posters were saying that the crime reference number checked out, and that the refuge had confirmed they had a space for her, so at this point we thought the best course was to keep channels of communication open. So we didn't ban Footsteps again at that point, despite having realised who she was. We did re-ban her once things had settled down and we had been told she was in a safe place. Given past history, TDWP is not a poster we would consider allowing back to Mumsnet permanently.

At various points throughout the evening we were in phone or text contact with Zombie and with Rhubarb, mostly trying to establish (as far as we could) what was going on and whether people were behaving safely. FWIW, we thought at the time - and still do - that it was a hugely risky thing to do, and not something we would advise or encourage. We would never recommend that any MNer goes into a situation like this, particularly not on her own. As most of you will know, we remind posters regularly that not everyone on the internet is who and what they say they are. We're pulling together some content on internet safety for adults and hope to publish that soon.

We asked Rhubarb at the time (before we had conclusive evidence about Footsteps's identity) whether she thought the person Zombie was meeting was a previously banned poster, and she said that she had no reason to think it was.

Pretty much everything else took place off-board and via channels that we have no access to - so beyond this account we aren't able to say with certainty what has gone on.

"Nom, the point about dealing with teenagers is that you are trying to help them become responsible, independent adults, isn't it?
My two were very surprised when I gave them a precis of events, because it's not how they'd have handled it.
Perhaps the older teens could run an advice thread for gullible adults?"

I suppose I meant that nothing will stop people exercising their own judgement good or bad . It is like any number of public safety 'things'

Dr Nick.

Who? The bonnet clad urchins? or Zombie and DWP?

snort
TDWP and the zombie person.
wonder if TDWP was off her tits

After watching it all unfold on the night it all seemed like such a bad idea to me!

Keep your chin up Rhubarb I think you've been very unfairly targeted by certain posters vitriol

This internet safety stuff....

It reminds me of the GUM clinics being full of middle aged newly-single people who wouldn't have given STI's a thought on a drunken holiday shag...though their kids would've been way more clued up

Dusty I have already apologised for the bit I consider to be my poor judgement.

Do you really think I seemed aggressive? Or is this just schtick?

Nom you have a very manly way of posting. I hope I haven't been wrongly assuming you were a bird all along. Are you in fact a bird? (sorry have to know)

Letsface
That is soooo true. Our preteen kids are more clued up on internet safety than many adults, cause they are having it drummed into them in school.

Eh?

Nom, you did come across as quite strident and very defensive, bordering on aggressive in some of your posts.

Dusty I love your summary and fits my recollection of that thread to a T.

How did it all come out though? Did TDWP tell Zombie when she arrived? Or did TDWP tell the thread?

Oh gosh I meant it as a compliment...v no nonsense.

Not aggressive, like

just, yunno, manly

It all came out after Zombie asked for a description of TDWP on a FB group- it's not a secret one, btw. The descriptions matched the woman Zombie met and she asked her outright whether she was and TDWP confessed.

So TDWP uses the same user name on FB?

And this was before Zombie delivered her into the hands of the WA person? That must have been awkward.

Did she apologise?

Oh wow

"Nom, you did come across as quite strident and very defensive, bordering on aggressive in some of your posts."

Really? Well i feel defensive, headachey and frustrated, so I suppose that's close.

IIRC MNHQ gave TDWP more than one chance.

Yes I suppose you post like a BMW while lots of the women here post like a Picanto.

I post like that ice cream van in Transformers

sigh

Coconutty, Til sunbeams was TDWP. She said so herself on a later thread.

Having read this it seems that the people involved in this. The people on the threads and indeed the people who own the site cannot make head nor tale of this.

There is only one common denominator in all the head scratching. You won't ever get too the truth of the matter because the truth was sparse to non existent.

People have been used by TDWP before. And people, I'm sure will be used again by her, here and elsewhere.

I've been around when people were hurt and confused the last time, she simply doesn't care, about any of you. I am sure she believed she was in a desperate situation, but she always is, and always does.

There are so many good and kind Mnetters on here, I don't want to see any of them damaged or harmed when there is no need for it. Ever.

And that thread was harmful. As Eve said one Mnetter openly commented she would not rely on WA or the police as a result of what people posted on that thread about that situation, how many more who read it might too the same?

The implications of that thread are wider and more grave than just a couple of posters who have had their feelings hurt.

This all reminds me of this great and engaging and scary talk by Tom Scott - www.tomscott.com/mob/ - about how things can go badly quickly.

I remember the skirt thread, even though I missed this. For some reason it brings to mind that damn red rug of Titania's (? might have the name wrong).

but those of us who knew tdwp of old would have been immediately suspicious... Because the previous ex was also abusive, apparently. For months and months and months she posted about him. And there were threads posted by him, having discovered her posts, apparently. And one Friday night she even posted that she had got home and he had locked her out of the house (but she had time to post on mumsnet so it would seem). People were suspicious then but nothing was done, because nothing could be proved.

Then she left, apparently. then she was still sleeping with him, and then I have no idea what happened to her but next we knew he was given custody of the kids and she was an addict of some sort. And somewhere in the mix her ability to namechange was revoked. And in general she was a bitch who was pretty nasty to everyone apart from when she was dramatizing and attention seeking.

I remember very distinctly posting on a very emotive thread about a poster's decision over whether or not to have a termination, and her response was to point out my one and only spelling mistake... she was similar to everyone in that regard.

I don't believe for one minute there is an abusive hammer-wielding partner. so sue me.