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MNHQ

TDWP and recent goings-on

6 replies

RowanMumsnet · 30/01/2014 13:55

Hello

We thought it would be useful to explain our understanding of what occurred last week between Zombie, Footsteps/TDWP, Rhubarb etc to try to clear up any misunderstandings.

When the situation started to develop last week, we absolutely did not know that Footsteps was TDWP. We unearthed something to suggest that she was near midnight on the night that everything was kicking off. At that point, one MNer was waiting in a public place to meet up with her, and we had been told by Zombie and by Nom that the police were aware of the rendezvous details and were standing by to help if anything went wrong.

We could see from some PMs flying around that posters were saying that the crime reference number checked out, and that the refuge had confirmed they had a space for her, so at this point we thought the best course was to keep channels of communication open. So we didn't ban Footsteps again at that point, despite having realised who she was. We did re-ban her once things had settled down and we had been told she was in a safe place. Given past history, TDWP is not a poster we would consider allowing back to Mumsnet permanently.

At various points throughout the evening we were in phone or text contact with Zombie and with Rhubarb, mostly trying to establish (as far as we could) what was going on and whether people were behaving safely. FWIW, we thought at the time - and still do - that it was a hugely risky thing to do, and not something we would advise or encourage. We would never recommend that any MNer goes into a situation like this, particularly not on her own. As most of you will know, we remind posters regularly that not everyone on the internet is who and what they say they are. We're pulling together some content on internet safety for adults and hope to publish that soon.

We asked Rhubarb at the time (before we had conclusive evidence about Footsteps's identity) whether she thought the person Zombie was meeting was a previously banned poster, and she said that she had no reason to think it was.

Pretty much everything else took place off-board and via channels that we have no access to - so beyond this account we aren't able to say with certainty what has gone on.

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MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 30/01/2014 14:53

@monicalewinski

Was "nom" real then, or a sock puppet of foots/TDWP?

We could see nothing to connect them, so as far as we're concerned nom is/was on the level.

As to your other questions, we just don't have the answers. Don't want to sound unhelpful, but we're trying to stick only to those things that we can be reasonably sure about because we've been personally involved.

MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 30/01/2014 15:00

@ChippingInWadesIn

Rowan thank you for posting MNHQ's POV.

Do you think, in future, it would be wise to let threads stand and not delete them on a posters whim? There is so much denial going on about what happened it's ridiculous. There are many copies of the threads out there, people are posting x said, and y said - it would have been better left so everyone could see what happened.

We do see your point. BUT - and we do think it's an important but - they weren't deleted on a whim at all. The poster requesting deletion (and she can say who she is if she wants to, although that's entirely up to her) had good reason to think that TDWP's abusive ex - if indeed there is such a person; it was being said that he was reading the threads - could use those threads to work out her MN posting name, search her (very considerable) posting history, and end up putting her and her family at some risk.

MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 30/01/2014 15:20

@DrankSangriaInThePark

Laptops/PCs/mobiles/tablets/free wifi zones.

I have an expat shield for example. I could be Sangria on one ip address then log into my expat thingy and become Trolly McTroll. Without shifting my bum off this seat.

MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 30/01/2014 15:37

We've got quite a lot of sympathy with those who say the threads should have been left up; we'd have liked to leave them up too. But we had two posters - one of whom was apparently in a women's refuge having fled her abusive ex, and one of whom had said abusive ex ringing her mobile and knowing her RL name - telling us that leaving those threads up would compromise their physical safety.

In those circs, given that from the little bits we could see we certainly couldn't say the risk wasn't real, we really felt we had no choice but to delete.

MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 30/01/2014 16:38

@LRDtheFeministDragon

I hope Zombie is feeling ok. I hope Rhubarb is feeling as ok as can be expected.

But am so, so, so glad that HQ have decided to tell us what happened, because I know you don't always (for obvious reasons), and I think it shows how scary it all got, very fast.

I'm off to read Mme's thread now, but I was thinking maybe we could have a post, like the post with the list of rape myths, that is authored by HQ and which posters can just link to, on the subject of how to best help someone fleeing DV.

We're going to ask around for some proper advice on this and will pull something together when we're confident we'd be saying the right thing!

MNHQ

RowanMumsnet · 31/01/2014 12:55

Hello again

We're happy (well, dunno if 'happy' is the right word but you catch my drift) for you to use this thread to thrash out the issues and put this matter to rest once and for all. But some of the posts on here now cross the line into pretty unpleasant personal attacks on named posters. And we happen to know that more than one of them is feeling pretty bruised and upset by some posts.

We want to let you all have your say, but it really doesn't seem fair to hang people out to dry.

So if people could stick to posting about people's actions, rather than making assertions about their intentions and their overall characters, we'd appreciate it - and it would make it a lot easier for us to keep these threads running.

Does that make sense? (please say it does)

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