Bizarre /funny things a partner did during sex

[lottieandmia]

A guy I was seeing used to start twitching the side of his mouth before he came. The first time I happened I thought he might be having a stroke! But no, it was just a thing he did.

Another one said 'I'm yours, you're mine' over and over with every thrust - after that performance he never saw me again!

OMG, they are both so funny.

One woman (FWB) using to make a noise that can only be described as sounding like Holly Johnson from FGTH when he sung Relax, the "hurrrrrr" bit. Always pre gush, with oral. It was most off putting

I've got one guy who exclaims "Holy macaroni!" at the point of orgasm.

Another one who said very formally "Thank you" before dismounting.

A very posh ex-public schoolboy who declaimed "Here it comes. HERE. IT. COMES!" in cut glass tones, as he ejaculated.

A guy who seemed to think that bellowing like a wounded rhino was appropriate.

My current FWB doesn't make a noise but he pulls a weird face. His mouth completely turns down. He looks like Grumpy Cat

I myself have a strange habit of laughing after a strong orgasm.

'Here it comes'

The mouth thing sounds like what I described - perhaps he's the same guy!

Creepy guy I dated in uni used to look at my breasts and say "They're MINE! They're MINE!" No mate, they are NOT.

Lottie - do you give him more of that jailbird pie?

A very posh ex-public schoolboy who declaimed "Here it comes. HERE. IT. COMES!" in cut glass tones, as he ejaculated

That's the funniest thing I've read on here ever I think

.

DP can burst out laughing after a strong orgasm. I was offended the first time I thought he was laughing at me, but I find it funny now

I had a girlfriend who would often swear quite aggressively and a ons who said something like fill me up with cum. That totally put me off!!

The guy who said "I hope I don't come" whilst shagging me ragged.

Spoiler - he didn't. nor did I

Some guy once said to me he wanted to fill my face with cum. I can't say I found it appealing

According to my brother's ex, he sang the bodyform song during the act.

Wtf?!

I had a fwb who was completely silent throughout. I found it rather odd. I didn't even know if he'd come or not & had to ask.

As in WOOOAH BODYFORM? I can't beat that.

One guy I slept with refused to let me touch him and every time I attempted to her would sat 'tut tut, no touching, let me do it all', this freaked me out a little so I didn't see him again.

I quite like a guy to tell me if/when they are cumming but not sure if I could not laugh at ' here it comes'

I can't tell whether they're climaxing or not so if they don't tell me I don't know.

Had one who didn't make a single noise. Most disconcerting. Didn't see him again.

Passed out with his fingers in me.

Said "pass me the blocks" and some other work bollocks. He thought he was on site.

He was high both times!

A very odd man I once dated, once got out of bed mid-dtd to look for a pound coin which he'd dropped in the hallway and had rolled into the hallway cupboard. He literally was emptying this cupboard out, standing naked with a big pile of stuff around him, a tent, old rucksacks, towels etc (the sort of crap a single bloke in his thirties would keep in his airing cupboard). Even when I offered to give him a different pound, he still wouldn't come back to bed.
He said he couldn't even think about finishing until he'd found it.

Omg!! This thread is the funniest thing I have read in agesssssssss

Actually just spat out my tea!

Here

It

Comes

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

I had a bf in teens that used to go at it as though he wanted to push me through the bed, grunting like a pig. He was fairly small built all over so didn't hurt but was hard not to laugh.

After a friend took back a girl from the club they ended up in the bedroom. Naked on all fours on the bed she turned to say "Non of yer fancy stuff, just horse it into me!" The saying has become a ledgendry catch phrase among our group of friends.

an old work colleague of mine met someone on pof, after a few dates They ended up having sex, he sang the words to 'baby Your a firework ' whilst doing the deed. He changed the words so it was all about him.
'Baby I'm a firework, your gonna make me jerk jerk jerk, 😂😂 needless to say she never saw him again!