Bizarre /funny things a partner did during sex

[lottieandmia]

A guy I was seeing used to start twitching the side of his mouth before he came. The first time I happened I thought he might be having a stroke! But no, it was just a thing he did.

Another one said 'I'm yours, you're mine' over and over with every thrust - after that performance he never saw me again!

jerk, jerk, jerk pmsl 😂

When she told me, I was ill with laughter....
Every time my dds play Katy Perry cd and that comes on, I chuckle to myself 😝

I had a guy who used to sort of pull upwards when he was inside me. Hurt and was very very strange.

I had a boyfriend a few years ago who used to growl when he came. Like a dog. Said it intensified his orgasms. The walls were so thin the neighbour's heard him

You remember being in labour & sucking on gas & air? This guy makes real deep blowing noises, but in short breaths, all the while staring at me. When he's cumming, the blowing gets quicker & quicker

Great shag though, so I can tolerate a bit of weirdness

I overheard my uni housemate cry 'smash my pasty' when she was having sex. I've never been able to go into Greggs without thinking of it!

Smash my pasty.....
Brilliant

This thread reminds me of 'the penetration man' thread the OP shagged a bloke who'd whisper 'penetration' in her ear while DTD

I had a guy once who you could almost physically see him counting....

A ONS also seemed to think it would be nice to give a running commentary spliced with " you have a nice vagina"

I kept a straight face some how

Usually it's me that's the strange one though cos my mind wanders and I'll suddenly start laughing

I remember on another thread someone said the bloke said 'there you go' just after he'd climaxed

Pineapple that's on the penetration man thread too, my search function isn't working so I can't link it

OMG at Katy Perry. This is why sex before marriage is a good idea.

I was with a guy who called our respective bits "him" and "her" e.g. "He really likes it when she squeezes him like that"

He also called my clit my "love-pimple"

Ewwwwwwwwwwwww!

😂😂😂😂 love pimple

Not so much a funny sex thing but I recently discovered that OH makes the same noises when he's painting the ceiling (not innuendo) as he does when he comes.

I got to Kenwood Mixer and I've had to stop before someone asks me why I'm crying with laughter. Bookmarked for when I don't have an audience!

"Love pimple" 😂 😂 😂

I'm creasing at these

Pissing myself at "smash my pasty" 😂

I DTD with someone whose cum-noise sounded...well...like a pantomime pirate.

Also at uni ex-DP and me were DTD after a night out and someone yelled through the door "Pizza's here!" and he came on the spot

I slept with a poshish young man once who finished then very formally shook my hand and said
"Thank you, that was very nice. I hope we can do it again sometime."

Also one who shouted "boosh" with every thrust.

I didn't see either again.

I was dtd after a first date and the guy alternated calling me a dirty bitch and telling me he loved me.

An ex used to tell me to look at him as I Cum it was so off putting.

One of the first guys I slept with used to say who's your master.

Does anyone else hear "smash my pasty" in the fat bastard voice from Austin powers?

Love pimple

That's the best thing I've heard in ages.

An ex of mine used to have a thing about hot, sweaty sex. It was horrible. Even in the middle of summer, he'd ramp the heating up and be humping away on top of me like a demented rabbit, dripping with sweat and be offering a running commentary on how sweaty it all was- "Look at your body slippery and wet with all my salty sweat"

I had about three sessions with him like this then he suggested dogging and I ended it.