Bizarre /funny things a partner did during sex

[lottieandmia]

A guy I was seeing used to start twitching the side of his mouth before he came. The first time I happened I thought he might be having a stroke! But no, it was just a thing he did.

Another one said 'I'm yours, you're mine' over and over with every thrust - after that performance he never saw me again!

Ok so one guy thought whilst on top of me it was a great time to tell me that he wanted to lay me down under a tree and stroke my hair whilst I fell asleep in his arms. Seriously mate? Just do the deed like a man and leave.

Me ex used to always make us dtd in the spare room. Apparently he didn't like the thought of sleeping in the bed after we had just had sex there. Weird guy

Guy stopped mid kiss, pulled out a box of condoms and started to read the instructions....Unfolded the paper bit as well to have a read

Guy who put "our song" on repeat and sang it to me over and over whilst thrusting away...Pretty sure it was a Chris brown song

Guy who looked like he was in pain when he came and made this weird ass noise. He'd then completely collapse.....Panicked that I'd some how hurt him the first time!

Not me....But a friend brought a guy home, whilst she was on top her chicken fillet fell out of her bra and landed on the guy's face...

An ex used to say 'oh pie' 'oh pie' over and over and over again constantly.
Fucking weird

Also not me but a friend, during a ONS she was on top giving it her best efforts, the bloke sort of leant his head back in enjoyment and a Kirby grip fell out of her hair and straight up his nostril! Apparently he screamed and said he thought it had touched his brain 😂🤔

I needed this thread so much today, thank you

he screamed and said he thought it had touched his brain

I really did laugh loudly at that!

My friend was in a long distance relationship. They haven't seen each other for a few months.
Her oh went down on her and she was so excited and nervous she poo'd a tiny bit. He pretended not to notice and just carried on!!!

This thread makes me very glad I'm married. There are some weird people out there.

whilst she was on top her chicken fillet fell out of her bra and landed on the guy's face

Just brilliant!

I was going out with my older brothers friend. I was 18 and he was about 26. We were about to do it doggy and when he put it in, instead of thrusting in and out he started wiggling his hips side to side whilst saying "side to side, side to side" I just slowly looked back at him like this thinking he was trying to be funny but he was deadly serious.

He's still known as side to side to this day.

Very drunk and stoned at 19 and shagging my then boyfriend who was 17. Anyway. I had to stop because I was feel nauseous and I did indeed lean over the bed and throw up every where. He then got very excited and started wanking into my fountain of sick as I was puking. He fucking loved it. Being the curious type I let him get on with it then the next day he showed me a bunch of his Japanese porn.

We split up a few weeks later.

That was 12 years and I often wonder what the fuck he's upto these days sex wise as he loved sick and poo so much at 17 I dread to think...

Minnie ahahhahahahhaha that is so disgusting but what the story! I wonder if he thought you'd done it on purpose?!

Mombie shut up autocorrect

Actually crying with laughter

Bleurgh I always win on the gross sex story competitions 😂

There's a Lonely Island song called 'I just had sex'. Years ago an ex boyfriend played that on his phone after losing his virginity to me at 19. He was odd.

I'm actually crying with laughter

You know that scene in American Werewolf in London, where the man changes into the werewolf, making lots of snarling and pained noises? I was with a man who made those exact noises for ages when he came. It was rather disturbing.

In contrast, there was another one who when I was on top made no noise at all (and didn't move either!). I only knew he'd come because he'd clear his throat and thank me.

A ONS bloke said "all for you babe" as he shagged me over the sofa. I just thought what a total wanker! I'm ashamed to say I sneaked out in the middle of the night whist he slept and never saw him again.
I told a later boyfriend what this guy had said and he used to then say it for a laugh when we used to do a piss take and "pornolise" our session...I'd do the sucking air through my teeth thing, pout, and keep theatrically saying "yeah baby", and he'd say "all for you babe, all for you" LOL

I was at a friends house for the weekend with a few mates, including a guy I had been seeing on and off, who started getting a bit amourous. My friends went off to give us a bit of space and put the kettle on in the kitchen, and were very surprised that things were over so quickly that the kettle hadnt even boiled before I made an appearance and joined them for tea (bloke probably embarrassed and scarpered, cant really remember what happened to him after that, it was such a momentous experience)
He was forever known as the kettle man after that.

Following this thread! Much needed to put a smile on my face

Once told a dude I was having a bit of a thing with that he made me " wetter than an otters pocket" whilst rolling around the floor with him 🤣🤣🤣..no idea where it came from it just popped out
Many texts and innuendo were then had about keeping otter happy and giving otter something to put in its pocket. Sadly otter never got a pocketfull but still makes me feel amused and embarassed in equal measure whenever I think of it !

@ballsdeep

I overheard my uni housemate cry 'smash my pasty' when she was having sex. I've never been able to go into Greggs without thinking of it!

whilst she was on top her chicken fillet fell out of her bra and landed on the guy's face
Was it literally a chicken fillet or is that a euphemism I'm not familiar with?