Omigod

[YummyMummy14]

Help, please. I have just discovered that my H has been looking at porn on the internet.... we have been married 2 years and have a 1 year old son; he has done this once before, before our DS was born and I only found out by chance when the pics came up on screen. I had a melt down at the time and felt totally devastated. He said it would stop and it did, till now. Have just confronted him on the phone (he;s at work) and he didn't deny it. I feel sick to the pit of my stomach and don't know what to do- I haven't told any friends as I'm too ashamed and embarrassed. I don't know what to do. I feel sick that he's looked at it since having a child. I freely admit that I don't look as good as I used to and that at the moment due to a lively, nocturnal baby we hardly ever have sex. But I though love and marriage were meant to go deeper than that. I feel like he is being unfaithful. I hate him and it makes me hate myself. PLEASE write something...

Candles - well, she does make love to the food practically doesn't she

The reason I use that term is because that's how I feel they are. Don't misunderstand me, the porn stars I'm talking about are the ones that go into it with their eyes (and legs!!) wide open, they enjoy it, not being pimped, not for drugs and are just general media whores on the whole...its just my opinion..I have no respect for them

Ok no more of the 'S' word.

(and again I personally wasn't reffering to just women)

No not patronising at all Janos.

I have had a crap day my brain isn't in gear. I don't want to make any MN enemys!

Ermmm...

I think I meant women in porn for reasons like they are addicts etc? Can't remember now.

And if you didn't say that then yeah, I meant Nigella!

This is an issue I've thought about a lot Charlee. It bothers me too. I am just trying to understand it all myself

I would feel the same about people who go into bars looking to 'pull' several times a night.

I used to be best mates with a girl who would bring several boys home to her house a night and shag them all one after another several times a week, regardless of who else was there. It made me sick.

Some of the people (particularly women) who have lots of sex with lots of different people are actually more ethical and honest (and have better sex) than the ones who sell it for a wedding ring and then don't bother to do it any more.
And yes, some porn gives out some stupid and not very feminist messages (though that could be said of any media) and some (though not that many) porn performers hate their work and have drug habits and serious problems (as do some burger flippers and other people in shitty, insecure, badly-paid but not sex-industry jobs) - but plenty of porn is made by people having fun and getting paid for it, and the only message on offer is 'Hey, sex is fun!'

Oh dear Charlee....I hope she used protection, otherwise it doesn't bear thinking about!

CHarlee: you are at liberty to conduct your sex life in a way that suits you and any sexual partners you may have. What other consenting adults get up to with other consenting adults is none of your business and your opinion is not relevant to them.

Also agree (broadly) with SGB.

I;m such a fence sitter aren't I!

Funnily enough, I probably wouldn't, unless of course they were ramming it down my throat and acting all proud of it, as I don't think its anything to be proud of.

Its the media attention seeking porn stars that make me go oh slags...iyswim?

She was on the pill but no condoms, she was 16.

It made me sick because even at that age i just thought it was wrong, she didn't know them, she was putting us in danger, she had no intention of seeing them again, she would offer herself to them literally, it made me think god you have no self respect or dignaty, any of you, her and the guys who she was doing it with.

I would have to leave her house alot just so i didn't have to see it or hear it, its just unplesent, i would rather be having sex in the privacy of my home with my dp its an intimate thing to be doing.

Candles - I am imagining you with shrink style glasses and a notepad here saying mmm..interesting....

CHarlee: you are at liberty to conduct your sex life in a way that suits you and any sexual partners you may have. What other consenting adults get up to with other consenting adults is none of your business and your opinion is not relevant to them.

I know thats why i usually write IMO, becuase thats all it is, my opinion but we all ahve one of them don;t we, and the freedom to express it but like i also said im jsuy not expressing mine well tonight. I have also apologised for upsetting anyone, thats not what i come here for.

Don't worry SolidGold i don;t think my opinion and views are the law or anything, i totally agree that people are free to make choices about everything in thier lives.

Understand where you are coming from Charlee.

I think being rampantly promiscuous and not using condoms is a very bad idea, purely because of STIs!

Otherwise, it's a matter for the person/people concerned. Consenting adults and all that.

I feel really crap now, i hope i haven't really offended anyone badly, tbh im in a bit of a mess today and it was never my intention to piss anyone off with my strong views.

I don't think you've pissed amyone off Charlee. Certainly not me!

This a subject that people always have strong opinions about on MN.