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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Omigod

162 replies

YummyMummy14 · 12/02/2009 22:41

Help, please. I have just discovered that my H has been looking at porn on the internet.... we have been married 2 years and have a 1 year old son; he has done this once before, before our DS was born and I only found out by chance when the pics came up on screen. I had a melt down at the time and felt totally devastated. He said it would stop and it did, till now. Have just confronted him on the phone (he;s at work) and he didn't deny it. I feel sick to the pit of my stomach and don't know what to do- I haven't told any friends as I'm too ashamed and embarrassed. I don't know what to do. I feel sick that he's looked at it since having a child. I freely admit that I don't look as good as I used to and that at the moment due to a lively, nocturnal baby we hardly ever have sex. But I though love and marriage were meant to go deeper than that. I feel like he is being unfaithful. I hate him and it makes me hate myself. PLEASE write something...

OP posts:
solidgoldbullet4myvalentine · 12/02/2009 23:03

Not all men like porn. (Anoyingly, most of the men who I have shagged have not been very keen.) Quite a lot of women do like porn. Most people masturbate and there is nothing wrong with that - even if you have a partner.

PussinJimmyChoos · 12/02/2009 23:04

How is it overreacting though? I mean if my DH came home to me happily drooling over a 9" dildo that I was about to use for pleasure (in same way they jerk off to porn) are you telling me he wouldn't feel inadequate? Well, that's how porn makes us feel...I'm quite open minded BUT the whole porn thing makes me feel inadequate because I know I don't have their bodies....and to say they don't want to screw them is just laughable - what do you think they are thinking of while tossing off to porn - delivering their mail for them or something?!

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine · 12/02/2009 23:06

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AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard · 12/02/2009 23:06

errr, puss, my dh would do a very broad grin, think it was his lucky day, and jump my bones if he came home to that scenario

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine · 12/02/2009 23:06

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FairLadyRandySlut · 12/02/2009 23:07

erm..sorry not rea whole thread...but why do you feel against it?
If, because he looks at porn/other women...welll tbh..it doesn't matter it is what man do ...because most men are far more sexual then their partners..

if you are agaisnt porn for moreal/ethical reasons..then you have to challenge your partner and find some kind of compromise...really..or split up, I suppose

CharleeheartsherChains · 12/02/2009 23:08

I am of the POV, that i guess dp has a fantasy woman just like i am in fantasy love with Johnny Depp, i don't care if he imagines some busty blonde in his head or has a peak at page 3 or whatever, but under no circumstance would i let him look at it in my home, where my children are.

Im not stupid i know if he were to look online all the history would be deleted before i got home and again im not toooooo nothered by that, bt i honestly don;t thin he looks at porn or nekkid ladies i have asked him not to as it would upset me and he respects me enough to not do it.
If i don't know about it or can't see it im not bothered butif i came across some piccys or a mag or video i would go flipping apeshit at him.

I do feel inadiquet (sp?) compared to air brushed bimbos and in not afraid to admit that.

Stretch · 12/02/2009 23:08

Agree Pussin - it makes me feel inadequate. THEN because I feel inferior to these gorgeous glam women, my sex drive diminishes!

AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard · 12/02/2009 23:08

what do we all think our partners are thinking of when they are shagging us ?? only us? I don't think so.....

who will admit to having naughty thoughts of people/scenarios other than your dp whilst on the job?

AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard · 12/02/2009 23:10

< holds hand up >

Janos · 12/02/2009 23:10

I can see both sides.

I understand why it makes people feel bad, and also (try to) understand why men enjoy looking at it.

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine · 12/02/2009 23:11

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AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard · 12/02/2009 23:11

just me then

candleskormafor2andcheapwine · 12/02/2009 23:11

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HandbagCrumb · 12/02/2009 23:11
AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard · 12/02/2009 23:13

< phew >

Janos · 12/02/2009 23:13

Not me BUT I have only been with DP for just over a year.

AnyFuckerForAShiteSoppyCard · 12/02/2009 23:14

give it time janos

CharleeheartsherChains · 12/02/2009 23:15

I don't think of anyone else im usually thinking [god i have sooo much housework to do.]

Janos · 12/02/2009 23:15

AnyFucker.. IKWYM.

RealityIsMyOnlyValentine · 12/02/2009 23:16

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PussinJimmyChoos · 12/02/2009 23:19

See, that's the thing...men actually think they could be desirable to these women...have you ever noticed that its mainly women saying well, I have stretch marks etc but men don't say well, I'm too bald, skinny legs etc for them....I know when we have had convos about our sex life before, its been more about what I can do than what DH can do and they genuinely think a shower and a shave is all they need to do!

candleskormafor2andcheapwine · 12/02/2009 23:21

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Janos · 12/02/2009 23:22

I have a theory,

Generalising massively here but..

I reckon men don't understand why women get so upset about porn, because they honestly see it as harmless.

If their SO says she doesn't like it, if they love her and care about her opinion they will hide it to minimise upset.

I really do see why women get upset about it though, from the exploitation side (treatment of women), and the not feeling good enough (comparing) side.

Janos · 12/02/2009 23:23

Bit late for me and not sure if that is making sense? Anyway...