Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

Am I right in reading that you said you had a peek to see if he deleted his dating apps 👀 in which case the red flag would be you going through his phone (only 2 dates in)! Unless I have misunderstood this of course.
It does seem a bit weird that he's left you on tender hooks whilst he's away with this talk he's eager to have with you. If he's so excited why can't he tell you before or on the phone! That would really bug me as it's meant to keep you wondering all week.

Agree
" now that we have found each other"
Hes already controlling the outcome here and accelerating the relationship from 2 dates to forever

Also the something to tell you is kind of keeping you on the hook
Be very wary @Heyandheytoday

I was on the fence then saw this comment and completely agree. This is a red flag.

Too devoted too soon.

Leaving OP hanging and anticipating what might be coming by saying he wants to discuss something on his return. That could potentially be control

Oh god, he’s going to ask you to marry him, isn’t he?

I would assume they met on the apps and she’s peeking at hers to see if his profile has gone.

Youre moving a little quick dont you think and seem to be in that heady lustful first phase. sex on 2nd date you dont hang about do you hes a total stranger you only know what hes told you, you need to be careful you've two kids to consider.

I don't really understand the whole "asking to be exclusive" thing. Last time I was dating, it was normal to date one person at a time, and if you were shagging someone there was definitely an expectation they weren't shagging anyone else.

But "now that we've found each other" sounds a bit intense for a couple of dates.

I don't know why but something just feels off, I can't put my finger on it exactly.
Have you only met him in person twice? I know you said you'd spoken before for a while but it's not the same when you're not in the same room.
it seems a bit full on, you could still not date other people but don't have to have the boyfriend girlfriend label straight away?

Let’s be honest, most people are exclusive from the first date. Who’s going around extra dating when most people can’t find someone whose socks match?! Nothing wrong with it.

Wasn’t meant to be. Just honest. It’s better to be realistic when it comes to dating.

Hmm, doesn't do casual sex, but he did have sex with you the second time he met you, which surely at this point of your relationship can only be classed as casual.
You don't have to do the same and get rid of your dating apps just because he's said he has, it all sounds intense.

Most people who meet someone they really like usually try and keep a bit of a lid on it to try not to scare the other person off. It’s fine to be really into each other, but the things he’s saying are classic love bombing so it’s worth trying to keep some personal information private until you know more about him.

Red flags everywhere and will he want to be exclusive yes he will but will he be exclusive no he wont as you slept with.him on the second date

He said he doesn't do casual sex but had sex on the second date. Absolutely nothing wrong with that but think thats pretty casual.

I would be cautious tbh.

If he lives alone , why does he have two cars outside his house ? Please tell me that you’ve not been to his house after one date ?

If he has a limited company, you can go onto Companies House for free and look for his company accounts. You will see all the directors listed, look at the other directors as they are often family members ( the month and year of birth are listed ).

https://find-and-update.company-information.service.gov.uk/

Also look at the last acountaht submitted, they will give you an idea how successful his company actually is.

As you seem to know his home address, check the land register and see if he actually does own it ( this costs a few pounds ).

This good thing about these two checks above is that it’s very hard to fake. Of course it doesn’t help you if he’s using someone else’s name.

I assumed you’ve checked him out on Facebook and other social media? The problem with this is that anyone can make an acount in any name and post whatever they like. So it’s porbably more useful to check out the other company directors . You wouldn’t be the first person to search for their boyfriend’s “ sister“ and find out she’s his wife.

If you use LinkedIn to check then remeber to use someone’ else’s account if set up a new one in another name.

This is all basic due diligence you should be doing, especially as you have kids.

I know a single man (a neighbour) with 4 or 5 cars on his drive.
He's an elderly man and he's into classic cars.
I know another single guy who's into cars and usually has 3 or 4, some of them up on ramps being worked on.
Some men really like cars.

As someone who was enticed into a horrible, abusive marriage by longterm love-bombing, every alarm I have is shrieking. But maybe that's just me.

I do think that the only way to keep yourself sane and safe in relationships is to take things slowly. You've had two dates. You don't even know each other. I'd tell him he's coming on way too strong and just see him once or twice a week for the first month.

Even if his intentions are good, everyone can get very hurt and disappointed when you get into something hot and heavy quickly, only to find out a bit later on that you have some major incompatibilities.

Unless you're not looking for love or commitment and just want some hot sex, in which case rock on.

I might be old fashioned but I would class second date sex as 'casual'. Hope he is genuine but I'd be very wary until you get to know him better.

@Heyandheytoday if he's so marvellous, why is he footloose and fancy free at 37?

I say that as someone who slept with dh on our 2nd date and then were never apart again. And it was instantaneous for both of us. But he was 28 and I was 29 and he didn't go on about it and took 18 months to propose. We have been married for 35 years.

I think he's love bombing and not as great as he seems or too good to be true.

Because there is something he wants from you. You just don’t know what it is, yet.

My money is, whatever he tells you, it will be anticlimax. But all this time he’s got you wondering and your full focus on him, whilst he is away. Which also means, you won’t even think of any other potential dates. He’s safe.

He sounds like a potential manipulator to me tbh. He already decided you ‘found each other’, for both of you. He already has you believing he doesnt do casual sex, despite jumping into bed on date 2. You aready believe he is not mirroring but genuinely a male version of you. He’s good, very good at all of this.

Tbh, it also sounds like he is not that interested in the fact you have 2 kids. They are sort of irrelevant to him. Suppose they are a total nightmare, challenging and hard work - how does he know that, before proclaiming you ‘found each other’? He doesnt. It just soundbites to lure you in and get your head spinning.

I’m curious to hear what he tells you next. It will be all about him I think, not you.

How do you know he's even coming back?

He told me on the actual second date that he[......]had deleted all dating apps now as it just wasn’t worth it now we had found each other.

Oh, hell no. After two dates? Be aware, OP, that some men say this stuff to lock you down and ensure you aren't dating others, while applying no such restrictions to themselves.

This is exactly the kind of love-bombing my abusive exH used to do, so in your shoes, I would be running for the hills while shrieking as if my hair was on fire. But you're not me.

If he was all mooney-eyed like this after two months, it will still be fast, but it would be a little more excusable. But after two dates?? I'd feel like saying to him, "Oh, come on. This is ridiculous."

I think he sounds absolutely awful and like a walking red flag.

Because he's not married.

If it was a woman not married at 37 would we all be saying what’s wrong with her?

If I was to take a wild guess I would say that he's looking at OP being a mistress and taking her off the market. Whether he has a wife or is looking for a wife is another matter.