Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

@Heyandheytoday OP, do you consider yourself very attractive? If you are more average, then do you have certain personality traits or interests that make you very likeable? If yes to either of these, then there's a clear reason why a man would pursue you so intensely. But if not... then the question is, why is he so interested?

Likewise, is this man very attractive? Or is he more of an average person that's attractive in your eyes? If he's an average-looking man that most women aren't interested in, then he probably can't believe his luck that there's a woman who actually wanted to date him.

No one wants to tell you not to have relationships, but the key is to simply be very vigilant. Have a brief look at the Channel 4 documentary "Love Cheats." There have been cases of men building elaborate lies and fake lives to scam women for financial gain.

I would also question why one man needs two cars...

I’d take a middle ground between saying this is a red flag but also not allowing yourself to get carried away too early.
With my DH things progressed quickly with sexy times by second proper date and rapidly declaring our interest in this being proper boyfriend/girlfriend ( met in my late 20s - is now my husband of 10years). But we met through mutual friends so I knew a lot of his backstory to base my trust of him on.
Sometimes things just click and it feels right and great. When you have kids though it’s important to keep your head and not let the excitement cloud your judgement. You want a long lead time before introducing him to the kids imo. Be sure of who he really is first. Sadly I say with experience from my work that abusers look like everyone else.
I think early exclusivity can be a good sign of someone who is serious. I take the ‘I don’t do casual sex’ thing with a pinch of salt, he may mean it as a way to show this is unusual for him ie this is serious. It could also be a line. Time will tell.
As long as the whole you feeling like he’s ’too good’ for you isn’t coming from HIM then I think you’re okay here. Just be careful that you don’t let yourself think he’s so amazing that you have to take whatever scraps are offered. And if you get even the slightest sense that he enjoys your feeling ‘grateful’ for him then start paying attention. I did have a previous boyfriend who built me up (told me I was gorgeous, a genius, amazing in bed etc) and then flipped into pulling away so I was chasing him somehow, was a constant push and pull, definitely love bombed in hindsight. The early weeks were ‘amazing’ and he was super keen and def chased me and he had good job, I was a student, he was handsome and older than me. It created a power imbalance I now realise he enjoyed. Led to a lot of hurt and confusion for me when the relationship imploded. however I didn’t let this ultimately bad relationship experience stop me from being open to things developing naturally when I then met my husband who is the opposite of that guy.
So take care esp with your kids and your own heart but try to avoid being so cynical you miss out a good thing.

I’ve clearly been off the market for long enough (10+ years) that this is quite shocking! I don’t remember ever having a conversation- will you be my BF/GF pass the school stage 😂 once it got to the sex stage it was kind of obvious to me we don’t see anyone else without “the talk”
OP I met my Prince Charming, smart, successful, independent, sensible, good looking, kind and he did seem too good to be true, we’re still together after all these years and he still seems too good to be true. We had sex on the 2nd date and I went to Asia for 2 weeks afterwards 😆 we were the same age as you and your Prince Charming. So it does happen IRL, good luck to you. But of course don’t ignore red flags if they do appear

Because he’s saying all the ‘right things’ to such an extent it’s almost like a script. Now he might be genuine of course. But I’d want to make sure his actions in lots of situations lined up with his words.

It won’t harm the OP to not get carried away. She’s got two young children to think about after all. It won’t harm the relationship if she’s just a bit less wrapped up in all the feelings and a bit more in her reasoning/judging head.

I now see a lot of my ex’s early behaviour as red flags when at the time I thought it meant he adored me.

Him being excited to tell you something after two dates is weird. You sound like you have low self-worth when you describe yourself which makes you a prime target for the wrong sort of man. There are plenty of men who are happy to be with someone who has children and you must believe you are worthy or you will attract users. You are also hugely invested so early on which makes you vulnerable. Cautious optimism and knowing your worth is the way forward.

It can happen, yep. The fact the OP is opening a thread on here makes me think her spidey senses are telling her something is not right, a gut feeling women have that has a lot to do with survival instinct.

Littered with red flags. Bringing that up on a second date? Bizzaro.

be very careful, OP. I’m of the mind that if you have to post a Mumsnet thread about a date, they’re really not worth the aggro or potential aggro in your case

I'd proceed cautiously. It all sounds a bit much after teo dates. Remember you don't actually know him at all. If he's such a great catch, why is he single? I'd be concerned he's a bit of a stalker type.

I'm sorry OP. This is absolutely a red flag and love bombing. In a non-toxic situation, date 2 would be lunch/a dinner maybe. He would be cautious but keen to know more about you.

These types of guys will make you feel like you're on top of a mountain then boot you off the top by disappearing.

Put the brakes on and you'll see his true colours. Please protect your emotions OP. I mean well I promise!

You need to be cautiously optimistic. Take it all at face value but just tread carefully, spend more time getting to know him before he meets your kids or you move in etc. and be sensible but also enjoy it!

Whilst it’s always worth being cautious and mindful of possible problems, you can’t say that in a non-toxic situation, date 2 would be lunch/dinner. I’m sure there are literally hundreds of us on MN in happy long term relationships who had sex on date 2!! Sex early on can be a gamble, but it’s by no means a given that it’s toxic.

He may not be a scam but he could be the 'in love with love' type, who'll whisk you off your feet and then break your heart. Like the one who proposed within weeks to my friend and then left her a couple of weeks after she had their baby.

Lolz at the car thing, anyone into cars will have more than one, if circumstances allow. I've never had less than 2 for 25 yrs, 7 at my peak, 5 last yr, slimmed to 3 now, but won't be long before another.

I have done the voice programme. I would be wary of pushing to be exclusive quickly as it can be hard to get out of. Also you say what you like he agrees that’s easy to do. Word conversations carefully. People are not always who they say they are jobs etc.

That's embarassing. Why would you need so many cars?

If you bought a single, reliable car, then you would not need to own 5 cars.

That sounds like an issue with your ability to select a reliable vehicle and maintain and look after it.

For fun...
One for each day of the week.

Oh so you only have one pair of shoes, one coat, one bag, one mug etc

Why not you?

I was a 26 year old single mum when I met my now DH of 30 years.

NO. STOP right there. Have you not listened to Taylor? Look out for 'patient zero' who went before you....

I think in all likelihood he’s bullshitting you or has some other shitty motive. As you say, you’re not a catch with two kids and you’ve had sex on the second date. Fast footwork and not normally the stuff great romances are made of. But you never know! Stay open minded but don’t invest too much and keep him away from your kids.

He may want to ask you for money. I’d be very cautious.

Wow what a bitchy post

You say he could have “someone younger” but not all young women in their 20’s would want to be with a man of 37. It’s also a bit of an outdated cliche the older man / younger woman thing isn’t it? Very 1970s… if it works for you, then great.

You hardly know him. So yes be excited but you have no idea if you share the same values. He could easily not realise the reality of dating someone with a child/ren. So I would keep separate and just enjoy.

In reality lots of late 20s single childless women on apps will be be preferring men their own age, or still be flitting as they build a career. Single men in their 30s tend to be more career focused and want a woman who is able to support them.

Sex on second date. Too much too soon. You are over thinking this. It sounds like he git what he wanted... and you need to play it cool.