Asking to be exclusive after 2 dates?

[Heyandheytoday]

He seems too good to be true.

Unspeakably handsome. Funny. Intelligent. Has his life together. Warm. Great in bed.

He told me before we met up for the first time that he doesn’t do casual, and he hopes this isn’t that. That’s after speaking for a while before meeting.

I thought this may be a sign of love bombing? He kept saying how he couldn’t believe I was available, how amazing I look, etc etc.

Met up for a walk. Then we had our first date. And then second date (had sex). He has gone away for the week now to Singapore for work and says he’s so happy, and really wants to talk about something properly when he’s back. And says he can’t wait (in an excited way).

Do you think he is going to ask for exclusivity? I mean, I am unofficially giving him that. Not because I feel I must but I just can’t entertain anyone else with him on the mind. He’s lush.

Is it a red flag that/if he wants to move things so quickly?

He seems to genuinely think I am too good to be true. Which is incredibly odd because I think the same about him.

He is like a male version of me, looks aside. He doesn’t just mirror. I’ve mentioned stuff and he’s said he likes the same, and there’s been examples of that happening where he either shows me that thing there and then or shows me on his phone pics of him doing that! So wouldn’t have had time to pretend he likes it etc

This!

Easy access to children. Everything about this is off. Glaring red flags!

Akshay Kumar? Just googled him obviously handsome is subjective! Ends

He is apparently a very successful business man and he has picked you (and you seem to have low self-esteem). He's put you on a pedestal, and of course it will feel great and amazing, but I would just be fearful that these are the tactics of a manipulator.

This screams love bombing. And the fact you have children raises even more questions.

Agree with this. When something seems too good to be true...

I would be very very wary of any stranger (man or woman) who a) has sex on the second date and b) wants to be exclusive after second date with someone he doesn't know from Adam (you). It takes time to know a person and find out if you're suited for each other. This man is either desperate to get into a relationship and doesn't care with who (🚩) or he's love bombing you for x reasons (narcissist, scammer etc...). Have you dug into his past love life? did he recently got divorced and that's why he's acting in such an unwise manner?

A guy I dated last year did this. And then turned out to be a full blown Avoidant. Just wanted me off the market for anyone else...didn't actually want to commit to a relationship with me. In retrospect there were many red flags of his avoidance from his descriptions of prior relationships.

Exactly!
Used to be the norm.

Why would a successful bachelor of 37 pursue someone who is divorced with 2 DC and 29?

Good question.

It's OK to be excited at this stage OP, but you've been on TWO DATES. You don't know this guy. Calm down, and stay sensible.

Why is he still a bachelor at 37?

I met DP online. Sex on second date. Exclusive from then. Still together 10+ years later. I worried about lovebombing at the time, but it clearly wasn’t!

My DH was a bachelor was at 38...

I had a similar situation, a guy that seemed amazing, pushed to be exclusive really quickly. I did a bit of digging because things felt off and it turned out he was married. The pushing for exclusivity was just him wanting to keep his sexual eco-system clean.

Hopefully your situation will be nothing like mine, but keep your guard up and think with your head not your heart until you know each other better.

You're a fair bit younger than him and (per your much more humble phrasing) attractive - seems like he's getting a good deal too.

I have never ever heard one of my male friends say "she's nice, but her lifestyle is too bland." I think you're being too harsh on yourself.

I hope everything goes well for you both.

I really hope the same, but there are a lot of red flags here. Definitely love bombing and now he’s gone away on a “work trip” abroad. If he video calls her from his hotel room and he’s actually there, alone, and actually where he says he is, then he may just be genuine, however if OP met him on a dating app and he’s behaving like this, then I would proceed with absolute caution 🚩 Don’t ignore your gut instincts OP. If something feels slightly off, take a step back and see how he reacts, or cancel a date and go out with your friends, see if he gets aggy. If he does, that’s all you need to know. Then you 🗑️ him!

But he does do casual sex. He might be genuine, he might not but he obviously does do casual sex.

So you’ve shagged him but the idea of exclusivity is a bit frightening?

He could have had cohabiting relationships? Do people still say bachelor?

Its all sounds lovely but somehow a bit lovebombing-like? Enjoy but keep your guard and be prepared that he might turn into a frog at some point. I would give it 5-6 month of consistent positive behaviour (not just words) to trust its not a dud.

Depends where you met this F/ KERR. If online then they're all like that. Toxic , Love BOMBING A / holes. I've met a few. Not slept with though. Pull back and see what happens.. You must Pull back, DONT GO WITH THE FLOW. It's difficult to not go along with this. It's so disappointing when they start freezing you out, and he will.

😆

It was a given in my dating days that if you went on a date you were both single with a non verbal understanding it was exclusive (anything else was called cheating or two timing). It seems these exclusivity talks are a modern phenomena borne from online dating.

What's his reason for not being married at 37? He sounds lovely, but you also sound very very smitten. I do hope it works out for you, but please try to keep those rose-tinted spectacles from clouding your vision.

There is nothing wrong or red flag about agreeing exclusivity with a BF/GF you sleep with. Just keep getting to know each other step by step and see where it goes.

"Doesn't do casual sex" but was happy enough to sleep with you on the second date before you both discussed exclusivity? Maybe I'm cynical but I'd proceed with caution especially as you have children. All sounds a bit fast for me. What's wrong with continuing to date and get to know each other better before putting your eggs in one basket? What stands out to me is how highly you speak of him, who is essentially a stranger, and how you seem to be selling yourself short in terms of qualities you bring to the table.