Boyfriend can’t accept my past

[2026dreams]

My partner wants to know about my sexual past and everyone I have slept with, is this normal ? He wants to know details of people I slept with 27 years ago

@2026dreams dump him. being single is better than a controlling, insecure man being in your life.

If you must stay with him, tell him it's none of his business and you're bored of the subject but the healthier option is to dump him

Agree with the dumping. I also agree with the body count part. I’m having visions of OP being a Dexter type character now and this conversation going a very different way. But that’s just me🤷‍♀️

sorry OP but on a more serious note do dump him. His not the man for you and the fact you made this thread to ask shows that you know this isn’t right. Listen to your instincts. Dump him and move forward.

Best of luck to you.

Because he wants a reason to tell you that you are bad and don’t deserve him, and have you working extra hard to prove you are ‘worthy’ of him. Thats it. He will take anything he can find and twist it to put you in the wrong. You should message I’ve been thinking about it and I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve done, EXCEPT for not telling you to go fuck yourself before now. My sexual past is none of your business and I don’t date men who think they own me. We are done. Thanks for the good times.

^^Trust your instincts.

Move on and don’t look back. I hope the fact that Mumsnet has spoken with one voice on this thread reassures you 💐

This interrogation of women's sexual history by men is very popular on the internet. It's a big feature of the manosphere. The lexicon is: body count, training, purity, lack of self-esteem, irresponsibility etc etc. The goal is to shame, humiliate and control women. As a self-proclaimed sl*t (in his eyes) he will have the right to coerce, bully and demean you..

It's part of a broader move towards women remaining virgins until marriage, taking back women's right to vote (yes, thats a thjngvand some trad wife type women support it), trad wives slaving for men, women staying at home in the kitchen with the children and women not having female friends. In other words, the road to Gilead.

It's a dangerous game; don't play into this man's hands.

Why are you calling him your partner? How long have you been with him?

Stop going over the whys and wherefores and just get rid for goodness sake. It doesn’t need deep analysis, he’s an arsehole and a misogynist.

FGS just get rid of him. He is not good enough for you, and not fit to be in a relationship with any woman.

Run, run as fast as you can!

Why are you even trying to remember, whatever number you give him, he'll use against you or say you're lying. Just dump and move on!

Who the fuck are you dating? 👀 That’s not ‘normal’.

Over 50?? He's not going to change and this interrogation will never stop. Just bin him off. No reasons, no sorry just block him and done.

This is absolutely not normal. It is a massive red flag. This man is abusive, dump him. You are worth more than this.

The term “body count” is mysogenist bullshit. I would dump someone for using that phrase alone. What is he watching and listening to to come up with that and to think he is justified to ask!

It’s one thing for sexual history to come up in conversation. I’ve been with my chap for around five months and this has come up, but it was in context and it didn’t feel weird in any way. Had I said I can’t remember or I didn’t feel comfortable being asked that, he would have been fine with it. But I know there was no threat of him using the information against me or judging me.

So to those PPs who’ve said surely it’s normal to talk about these things: yes, but only if you want to, not because the man is demanding to know, not when he’s already accused you of “lying” about something he actually has no knowledge of, not when he uses the terms “promiscuous” and “body count”.

These are huge red flags OP. Which I think you know already. It’s not his business to ask.

In the bin with him!

When me and dh got a bit serious we talked about our pasts- how many/ relationships. Neither of us have ever used it against the other or made anything negative of it. The way he’s acting I wouldn’t want to tell him either and I’d be reconsidering the relationship

OP I'm concerned that you don't seem to be listening to the responses, because you are still explaining and still with him. To be clear - this is a big red flag and the best thing that you can do (the only thing you should do) is end the relationship. He has already told you that you if he had known who/what you really were, he would not have dated you. What more do you need? Don't be so desperate to have someone that you are prepared to tolerate abuse and toxicity. Just end it.

Sod all to do with him😡 dump and move on

It’s just useful to talk it through anonymously, I can’t continue this it’s been going on for too long but some of the posters have raised points I haven’t thought of and it’s useful

No. Your boyfriend has zero right to any information regarding your sexual past at all. The only right he has, is to know that you are clean from any STI. Who you dated or/and had sex with prior to being with him, is irrelevant.

My concern is that he could use that information against you at some point. Use it as a 'stick to beat you with' so to speak. Has he told you who he's had sex with and now expects you to do the same? It's his choice to tell you, but you definitely don't need to tell him anything or allow him to think you should!

I can’t continue, he is also gets weird when I go out in the evening and accuses me of being with other men and said it’s my fault because of my past

This! Good grief get out while you still can!!

That’s why I wouldn’t give an exact number or go through it one by one I told him the normal amount but he seems to want a forensic explanation of anyone I have been with

This is even REMOTEDLY not normal.

You may mention serious relationships you had, marriages, that kind of thing, as a general life history discussion. Not list in detail every shag starting from the time you were a teenager, and especially not on demand. Its intrusive, inappropriate and weird.

OP - bin this weirdo.

How long are you with him? In one of your posts you said you feel peace when he’s not talking to you. That says it all!! Guard that peace and don’t let him anywhere near it. Be prepared for an ongoing saga if you try to reason with him. Best to just cut ties with this type and move on

This is very, very inappropriate, weird and intrusive. He is either getting off on this information (yuk) or planning to use it against you for control (double yuk).

You should say to him you are disappointed in him and would not date a loser.

@2026dreams

Have you blocked him yet OP? I hope so because your update just proves he is a jealous, insecure, control freak.