Is a 10-night lads holiday too soon with a 3-month-old?

[Daisysimply]

Hi just looking for peoples opinions on this. Interested in hearing both a female and males opinion as my partner doesn’t seem to think he’s doing anything wrong. We’ve just welcomed our second baby. Our eldest is 3 and youngest is now 3 weeks. My partner has just booked a lads holiday to the Caribbean in December for 10 nights. Baby will have only just turned 3 months old then. I can’t help but think it’s too soon for him to be going for such a length of time but he seems to think it’s fine. Wondering what other people’s opinions are? Am I overreacting?

I am all for doi g your own thing but 10 nights without 2 kids is a massive pisstake imo

I don’t know if anyone has pointed this out on the thread but the reality is you have no relationship or partner.

10 nights of ridiculous time to leave you home alone with a 3m old and 3yo. Selfish.
That will be incredibly intense for you.

3 nights- that would probably be ok.

Ive done 3 nights in the Caribbean. He should change his flight dates. It’s doable

Why is he married?

Is he under 25?

No chance

Absolutely. Neither money nor time seems to short for him. Hope OP has booked similar holiday (time and destination). do not have any more children with him until you see how your relationship (if it is that) goes.

10 nights away when you have young children is a long time. The only way one of us would be away for that length of time is if it was a work trip and we didn’t really have a choice. Even then, we push back to make it a short as possible.

I’m generally supportive of parents still having a life and doing things with friends but a 10 night trip to the Caribbean when you have a 3 month old is taking the piss! How often have you travelled to the Caribbean as a family?

The lads that's who! Sun, drinks, ladies, drinks, beach (rinse and repeat)

He's a Dad now, not a Lad. Time for him to put away 10 day vacations when his priority is to be at home with his family.

He is really selfish OP. 3 months post partum I was still exhausted, stressed and not really in a good place (with both of mine). A 3 year old with a baby is really really tough to juggle. My husband would never have expected me to or wanted me to cope on my own with 2 this young and for that long. You've said he goes out all the time so he really isn't prioritising you and the kids. It sounds like you do everything and he doesn't care. When you have kids everything should be equal. Equal taking care of them (out of working hours) and equal having a break. That's a partnership and good parenting.

My DH saved up his annual leave for the birth of our DD so he could take 5 weeks off when she was born. He didn’t even like going to work for a day and leaving her so there’s no way in hell he would have booked a 10 day holiday. I’d probably have said something along the lines of “ have a lovely holiday but don’t expect to be living here when you get back. “

That’s ridiculous unless you are also going on a girls holiday and he is holding the fort entirely for a similar length of time

I think a weekend, for a special occasion like a wedding or possibly a stag do, would be acceptable

no way would my dh have left me with kids that age for more than 24 hours

Use the time he’s away to get your life organised.

Pack his stuff and drop it off at his family’s house. If they think he’s so great, they can have him back.

Speak to your employer about a timescale for returning to work and start looking at nurseries so you can get on a waiting list for a decent one.

Go on the Entitled To website and figure out what benefits you can claim to tide you over till you go back to work.

Your partner is a man-child. It's really that simple. He's yet to grow-up and recognise that he has a family, that take priority over his mates/holidays. He's selfish, does what he pleases regardless of your opinion and thinks it's your job to look after the children. He behaves like a single man, without responsibilities.

Yes, you can hope one day a miracle happens and he grows up but I doubt it. Essentially he's too selfish and self-centred to realise he's doing anything wrong! Throw in his equally selfish family, who seem to think it's perfectly acceptable he disappears off for 10 days, and you have a real problem on your hands.

You'd be better off on your own, than putting up with this shit. It won't get any better, you'll be stuck in this situation forever more.

Agreed. His attitude would be a deal breaker for me.

The man is just not engaged with family life is he? OP how much time did have away on holiday without your firstborn before you were pregnant? Has he proved capable of looking after babies or young children?
I am a father to two children with a similar age gap, I had offers to go on working/holiday jaunts of similar times but I never did go.
Commitment is the word.

Get your holiday to Oz booked in January for a month with your girlfriends. See how he likes that.

Agree. My husband goes on holiday with friends, but generally twice in year (different groups), for s long weekend, and no longer than 4 nights at a time. I do the same. 10 nights is a lot. And so soon after your child being born is I think taking the piss.

V selfish. He isn’t being fair at all. Highly interesting that his family are such enablers. He sounds at best utterly useless and very uncaring of your feeling or needs (and those of the kids) and at worst either a playing single guy or a cheat.

Suspect as many have said, that you aren’t married.

Still, I would use the 10 days to change the locks, get rid of all his stuff out of the house, file for divorce if you are married…….begin to see that you don’t need him.

Saying things like you didn’t want him to go but ‘what can you do’ says it all. He doesn’t care. He wasn’t asking your permission, he doesn’t give a toss. Get out!

We've never had more than a week away from one another since we got together, even before we had DDs. Ten nights lads holidays are what you do when you're twenty, not when you settle down with someone.

This sort of shit cracks me up, why? Because my ex husband used to do this not holidays but always ‘worked away’ 2 nights here 3 nights there but if I asked to go to my brothers for the weekend Friday to Sunday he would simple say yeah but your taking the kids, he would work half days also when he worked away and then he did a 10 night work away and had an affair. We had three children ages 9, 6 and 4 when he had the affair! They was even younger when he did these couple days here and there, when I look back it wasn’t work and he prob cheated on me constantly. Not saying yours is the same the point is it’s alright for them to drop all responsibilities and fuck off but it’s not for us women, I hope you say to him after he’s been away I’m booking a week away with the girls and see how he reacts to that and what is said…. I think you’re being extremely lenient about it considering you both brought these two little children into the world and he thinks it’s ok to fuck off for 10 days! Personally I think you should have said no your taking the piss a weekend with the lads ok but 10 days???? Nahhhhh mate.

ABSO-BLOOMING-LUTLEY.. NOT!!!
10 days unacceptable...weekend unacceptable...night out, yes.

He sounds like a manchild. I couldn't tolerate a man this self-absorbed.

I think that is pretty selfish of him. I think you need to book your own ten stay when he gets back. You will definitely need the break!