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Original poster

Is a 10-night lads holiday too soon with a 3-month-old?

253 replies

Daisysimply · 27/09/2026 15:22

Hi just looking for peoples opinions on this. Interested in hearing both a female and males opinion as my partner doesn’t seem to think he’s doing anything wrong. We’ve just welcomed our second baby. Our eldest is 3 and youngest is now 3 weeks. My partner has just booked a lads holiday to the Caribbean in December for 10 nights. Baby will have only just turned 3 months old then. I can’t help but think it’s too soon for him to be going for such a length of time but he seems to think it’s fine. Wondering what other people’s opinions are? Am I overreacting?

OP posts:
ChocolateCinderToffee · 30/09/2026 04:48

So he’s going on a ten day trip with two friends who are single? Aren’t you worried about what he might do for entertainment?

HelmholtzWatson · 30/09/2026 04:49

Assuming you can afford it and that if you wanted to then he would be happy for you to have a similar break, then it's not unreasonable.

I do think it's a bit disrespectful for him to not talk to you about it first though.

ILoveListeningToRainAtNight · 30/09/2026 04:51

My husband used to do this time for work when I had babies that age with more than just two kids. It was fine. However, that was work and he made sure it was as short a time away as possible. He would never have considered voluntarily leaving his young family for a holiday with his friends. Once you have children, you just can't do all these things anymore as you have responsibilities. I'd talk to him about your upcoming two week trip with 'the girls' as if it's really going to happen. See how he responds.

CheeryOP · 30/09/2026 04:52

Delphiniumandlupins · 27/09/2026 16:04

It's too soon, too long a trip and too expensive (money and annual leave entitlement). The fact that he booked it despite your reservations is another concern. If you're fine with him being away for 10 days I would question if you need him around at all?

This.

NormasArse · 30/09/2026 04:55

That’s bonkers.

And bloody selfish.

Lifesd · 30/09/2026 04:59

It is a complete piss take but you know that already!

OneRedFinch · 30/09/2026 05:02

What a useless piece of crap.

Aco8171 · 30/09/2026 05:09

A long weekend for a stag or a friends big birthday fair as long as you both feel ready at 3 months post birth but 10 days at any point is a piss take

TheZanyScroller · 30/09/2026 05:11

As long as you get to do a similar thing and have 10 days break from DC and DP. Fair is fair.

TheZanyScroller · 30/09/2026 05:12

I think it's irrelevant if DP is happy or not for OP to take a girls holiday. He didn't bother to discuss OP's feelings before booking his trip away with the lads.

HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear · 30/09/2026 05:20

Does he realise/care that his baby probably won't remember him when he comes back?

user1492757084 · 30/09/2026 05:23

It seems like you have already agreed.
Be honest about how you coped once he gets home.
Be ready to admit that three days max is about right for parenting alone.
Also ask him when it suits for you to book your four days away on yoyr own. Book it and go.

Only after he has experienced parenting two kids alone will he comprehend.
He seems selfish beyond measure.

Paul2023 · 30/09/2026 05:41

Daisysimply · 27/09/2026 15:58

He does go out a lot during the week, isn’t one for going out drinking etc but he’s meeting with this one friend from work several times a week. They are into buying and selling cars from Facebook so that keeps him busy a lot of his time out of work

Wow OP, your partner seems to have a lot of spare time for a father with two young kids , one being a few months old. So when he’s not working , how does he have all
this spare time to facilitate his hobbies?

I’ll tell you how - you. You do all parenting whilst he acts like a single 19 year old.

Ten nights away on a lads holiday? His mates are single with no responsibilities. And his family are on board with it ?

Are his family prepared to help with child care then ?

Blondeshavemorefun · 30/09/2026 05:45

He sounds just wonderful !!

not !!

so even tho he knows you aren’t happy he does what he wants

a few days away. Not a problem

10 days away taking the piss

can you afford if as a family

and doesn’t sound very happy relationship from your side

you aren’t married

avocadotofu · 30/09/2026 05:58

Of course it is!!

Moro93 · 30/09/2026 05:59

I feel like 10 nights for a ‘lad’s holiday’ is excessive even if he didn’t have young children. I’d understand a weekend or even 5 nights at a push. I always find it weird that loads of ‘‘men’’ would rather go on holiday with the ‘’lads’’ than with their families.

I think he’s taking the piss and wanting to go for that long would make me suspicious.

Bunnycat101 · 30/09/2026 06:00

Fuck me he’s a twat of the highest order. 10 nights away at that point would have been a deal breaker for me.

muststopscrolling · 30/09/2026 06:01

There are two ‘responsible’ adults in this relationship. Pisstaker aka partner and you. Yes you OP. You are enabling this behaviour. I can see why. You want a harmonious environment don’t you? You have two (very) young children which are completely and utterly exhausting and overwhelming, so avoiding conflict is a must.

You have options here.

  1. No you can’t go.
  2. HE pays for someone to come in and help you EVERY day of his absence.
  3. That you hand over the baton as he steps off the plane. Literally at arrivals. Then bugger off.

None of these options are attractive or truly realistic (apart from NO) but they ARE options.

Personally I think he’s a prize p*ick, but that is not helpful.

From someone who had very little (aka none) from their partner, I really feel for you. I hope you find a solution OP. Mine was (eventually) the dumping ground but should’ve done it sooner.

Good luck OP

Horses7 · 30/09/2026 06:14

YANBU in wanting him not to go.
My H would know I’d go ballistic if he’d suggested a weekend away with his friends with children so young.
Ten days in the Caribbean!!! I’m angry for you!!
I’m so sorry but you have a problem partner and need to talk this through with him - he should cancel his lads holiday as he is being totally selfish and uncaring.

Onthemaintrunkline · 30/09/2026 06:19

He’s acting like a selfish singleton…..whilst in actual fact he’s a parent to two children who he’s jointly responsible for.

I could hardly believe what I was reading! So many, too many negative adjectives for this chap.

Pipsquiggle · 30/09/2026 06:21

10 days is way too long. He's being an entitled dickhead.

Very worrying that you have 'learned' not to say no and that it wouldn't make any difference. Are you in a supportive partnership?

This would be a hill to die on for me. If this was my DH, I would absolutely saying 'No' and be being bloody livid about it - the length of time, the expense, the holiday impact for the rest of the year, how he thinks he can just pick and choose when to take his parental responsibility seriously.
He's a complete cock.

DoubtfulCat · 30/09/2026 06:27

I think he needs to know that if he goes on a 10-night holiday by himself he may as well not bother coming back, except to collect his stuff off the lawn.

What an absolute arse.

TeaCupTinsel · 30/09/2026 06:29

I think he's an utterly selfish man who wants to live life like a young, single man.

I just asked my husband his thoughts and he said:

'Why did he bother settling down and having kids just to act like he hasn't? Why doesn't he want to spend time with his family and children, especially his new baby? He's the sort giving us (men) a bad name.'

Once our kids arrived we became a little team and whilst we'd go away for the odd weekend with friends (never when the kids were that young) the majority of our holiday leave is for family holidays/ time together. I can't believe his family is enabling him to do this.

From what you've said about how he is out most of the week too, I'd be asking myself why I'm in a relationship if I'm ending up being a single parent?

I wouldn't be happy in a relationship like that, I'd much rather be actually single and sharing custody/receiving maintenance. See how often he can live the high life when he has to commit to a custody arrangement and paying for the kids he likes to leave behind!

I'm so sorry OP but I think you've married a man-boy who wants to act like a teen and do what he likes without consequences or a thought to what you're going through. I'd be seriously reconsidering the relationship.

Timble · 30/09/2026 06:31

Daisysimply · 27/09/2026 15:22

Hi just looking for peoples opinions on this. Interested in hearing both a female and males opinion as my partner doesn’t seem to think he’s doing anything wrong. We’ve just welcomed our second baby. Our eldest is 3 and youngest is now 3 weeks. My partner has just booked a lads holiday to the Caribbean in December for 10 nights. Baby will have only just turned 3 months old then. I can’t help but think it’s too soon for him to be going for such a length of time but he seems to think it’s fine. Wondering what other people’s opinions are? Am I overreacting?

I wouldn’t be happy about this. He’s a dad now and your kids are young. His holiday time should be with you three when they’re little. It’s not to say a parent can’t have time away, they absolutely should but 10 nights in the Caribbean near Xmas with single mates, nope. It’s selfish, my dh wouldn’t dream of doing something like that when our kids were small, my MIL would have given him a shake if he’d even suggested it lol.

Potatoespotaarrrrtos · 30/09/2026 06:33

No no no. He’s selfish and entitled.

But my husband (and I’m sure many others) would have been aghast at leaving his little ones for that long and would have been very aware of the impact on me.

Im so sorry but he sounds awful! This isn’t just about him being a selfish arse (which is rubber stamped clearly by his feckless family) but the crappy dad he is to the children.