Does anyone else have no family or friends at all?

[RaspberryBlues]

Does anyone have NO friends or family at all? I realise this is probably extremely unusual but wondered if I was the only one?

I would imagine there are plenty of people who would rate you for you. They are not dating your friends or family.
Family can also be in the pain in the arse. Theirs might be too.
Family is overrated.

I don’t see how not having any friends of family would affect a future relationship. I would regard that as completely fine.

when I met my DP zero friends just work colleagues . He’s the same 20plus years later. He has a few family members who are very very difficult so currently we are very low contact with them.

and I can’t comment. I moved hundreds of miles from my hometown. I had friebds there, they no longer both with me. Here I have neighbours to say hi to. I can chat away like at the bus stop with people but never make any friends. My siblings no longer speak to me, like you with your sister and I’m LC with my parents. They all live hundreds of miles from us and don’t visit us. So on paper yes I do have family and a couple of friends back home but the reality of that in real life is I’ve seen no one for over two years now and I only saw them them as we went home.

I have my DP and my adult DC and our pets. There will be people out there like us , you would match in fine with us. So just carry on looking for the right partner OP.

Similar situation here. Glad it's not just me and my DH.

People are putting some unusual comments on here. Of course the OP might want to find a partner but not want friends. They are two entirely different things.

My partner doesn’t have any friends and mine don’t live where I do and not in contact anymore. Why should that mean that we shouldn’t have dated. I’m not really understanding.

Similar here too.

We are very similar. It’s good to know it’s not just us.

Thank you, I really don’t understand why people are comparing it to friends, it really is a very different thing! Don’t see why having no friends means you shouldn’t want a partner

Well, for my own part, the point I was making was that women who are already isolated are ‘easy prey’ for abusive men; there’s a reason that isolating their partners from family and friends (where they do have them) is a priority for such men. They regard their partner’s social network as a barrier to the absolute control and dependence they seek. This is why it’s advisable to be cautious of the motives of men who are very keen to attract women with few or no other relationships, who I surmise are precisely the men OP is actively seeking out. There has been extensive research on this, so I’m not just making it up to rail against OP’s worldview. I wish it weren’t true, but I’m afraid it is.

I don’t think anyone has actually said that OP shouldn’t date (though I haven’t checked for a few hours so maybe they have). She should do what makes her happy, of course.

Well, it's because you need similar skills to have a success long term romantic relationship as the ones you need to cultivate a friendship.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/f-is-for-friendship/

Why is friendship important?

Deep friendship is the foundational level of Dr. Gottman’s Sound Relationship House Theory of happy couples. It is the root of commitment and trust. More importantly, it forms the basis for intimacy and satisfying sex. As he explains in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, couples with deep friendships have:

“…mutual respect and enjoyment of each other’s company. They tend to know each other intimately — they are well versed in each other’s likes, dislikes, personality quirks, hopes, and dreams. They have an abiding regard for each other and express this fondness not just in the big ways but in little ways day in and day out.”

I am not vulnerable. As I said I have only had one relationship (6 years long and im 38)

You sound emotionally detached. Numb?
Maybe that's just how it comes across over text like this.

The problem is that you are, comparatively speaking. That’s the point I’m trying to make. Friends and family provide a reality check and alternative insight outside of a romantic relationship and are an obstacle to total emotional dependence on one person. Can you have a relationship without those things? Of course. But it’s far more likely to become unhealthy.

You do seem to have very fixed ideas though, OP, and I don’t think this is the sort of insight you’re looking for, so I’ll leave it there. But I do wish you well, truly. I hope you find what you’re looking for.

Going to sound harsh OP but I wouldn’t want a partner who had no friends. It would be a red flag from the start, and I’d worry that they’d be far too dependent on me.

And I feel the same but she's not trying to date us and that's not what she asked.

There has been other posters who have no friends/family, who have posted they and their partners as the same and are happy like that. So there could be someone out there who she will meet who aren't bothered who is in the same situation.

Actually the ones who see it as a red flag and don't continue chatting, probably aren't the right person for her anyway. As I'm sure she likely isn't looking for a social butterfly who would be put off by someone having no friends.

Thanks

Thats fine, I accept most people will be put off by it. My ex didnt like it either. I won’t be putting it on my Profile though as earlier comments suggested, I think that’s weird.

Does it? Why? I am sorry because I know you want to hear from people in the exact same situation. I do have people in my life but I also empathise due to past experiences.

Maybe it's more to do with how you talk about it. If you don't give a logical explanation and don't come across as confident, then it could raise suspicions about your intentions or make you seem less desirable due to your social skills.

Whereas if you describe the circumstances confidently and joke that actually, it makes future plans easy because you don't have to argue about whose relatives to spend holidays with - that changes the tone of the conversation.

In the meantime.. put effort in to change things. Do group activities and hobbies: find your people.

I don’t want to do groups but thanks for the suggestion 😊

This is interesting.

Are you worried at all what happens if one of you passes away? What do you do if you need help at all with anything. Just curious.

“Thanks to those that posted it helps me feel less alone and that it’s not just me”

@RaspberryBlues this comment you made makes me feel sorry for you. I think you do want people in your life, not just a partner but at least one good friend. Have you been treated badly by people in the past? How were your school days, did you suffer any form of bullying or isolation?

You’re only 38 and have plenty of time to meet a life partner and make 1 or 2 friends if that’s what you want. What do you do at the weekends, Christmas etc? Do you look forward to Friday’s / Saturday’s or is it just another day? I haven’t read the whole thread but do you work and if so, is it social or WFH? You don’t sound depressed but you do sound lonely, one of your comments said something like you’ve never had a friend and you doubt you ever will even though you’ve tried. You need a ((hug)).

Do you have a pet as a cat or a dog can be great company and will greet you when you come home. It will become a routine. I actually know someone in the exact same situation as you (an acquaintance basically, who grew up in foster care with absolutely no-one in her life, not even colleagues as she works from home). 2 years ago she got a puppy and started taking him for walks in the park and over time she met another dog walker who is also an introvert like herself, they’re now in a relationship and are perfectly matched.

it’s perfectly understandable to not want loads of people in your life. A lot of people these days are just obsessed with themselves and their devices anyway even if they are in a group so what’s the difference?

I’m saying this gently but has anyone ever mentioned if you might be on the autism spectrum at all? Often it can explain a lot of situations over the years when adults get a diagnosis and it can really help in getting a new perspective / outlook.

I won’t be looking for friends anymore, yes I have been treated badly in the past but I am
not looking anymore. I have cats.
i work from home

I’ve been treated badly by so called friends too. It’s a trust thing for me so I keep people at arms length. I have rescue cats too more reliable.

other people will understand this. As I do.

When you go on a date don’t even get on to these topics if I was you, let the person get to know you. Focus on your interested like your cats, hobbies. Etc. not lack of friends or estranged sister. People are talking about red flags well the big red flag is on their side which is that if they have an issue with this they aren’t right for you.

And you aren’t old btw plenty of time to meet someone. After a truly horrific time in my teens and twenties I met my DP in my thirties (I was a lone parent before that).

btw been thinking about this thread all afternoon and I’m not sure it is that uncommon really. I used to stay with a lovely aunt growing up (not biological aunt but still called that) . She was estranged from her only parent which was her only biological family. she met her second husband in her thirties and had two kids. Her lovely husband my uncle was quiet, homely and dependable absolutely lovely. Neither of them had siblings and he had just one elderly parent. Everything they did was together and with the kids. They’ve sadly passed away. Fast forward to me now in my 50s and I had lost contact with her kids. Found an old address and a few years ago I was able to make contact again. That kid is now in their 50s like me. Her only sibling is the only family left but she lives on the other side of the world and they aren’t close at all. She met her husband later too and have kids, it’s just them again. No other family.

so I think there’s a lot of us out there alone without people and just need to meet a quiet dependable homebody sort of person. If they have a small family or no family at all they will understand.

All these people trying to "fix" OP lol.
I get it OP, people with family and friends seem completely unable to comprehend that some people don't have either and its not always a choice. Be assured you aren't alone, our 'club' generally keep it hidden to avoid questions from the ignorant! If its a problem for anyone you might meet then they aren't for you and have helpfully self selected themselves from your life.

I’m certainly not trying to ‘fix’ the OP. She has said on the thread that she’s doing OLD, that her complete lack of friends has come up and that people are put off by it. She may need to take that into account if she’s looking for a relationship, and it gets in the way. Alternatively, she may be entirely happy to remain single and without friends.

@Velveting

Then I'm pleased for you but it's never been been easy for me, and my experience from hearing many women say the same is that once you get to your 30s, it can be really difficult to make new friends. For one thing, I see a huge absence of them from everywhere from public transport, to workplaces, to non-child events, due to motherhood I suspect.

Here in my rural area, people stick to their friend group they made in secondary school or primary school. Almost no one does anything alone. Last year I've been to a workshop and in the 12 women who were there, I was the only one who turned up by themselves. I suspected that most would be there with someone, but even I didn't expect that I would be the only person there who didn't have someone with me. It's so unusual that I think people find it suspicious, and I wonder sometimes if that becomes a cycle - you're alone, so other women are suspicious or put-off, or feel cringe on your behalf, so they don't really talk to you, which means you continue to not make friends.