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Does anyone else have no family or friends at all?

119 replies

RaspberryBlues · 25/09/2026 17:08

Does anyone have NO friends or family at all? I realise this is probably extremely unusual but wondered if I was the only one?

OP posts:
BriarTime · 27/09/2026 10:59

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 10:56

fear Of being alone? I have been single for a decade, I spent most of my life alone, I have lived alone since 16 and spent most of my life alone. Someone who has no friends is not someone who is scared of being alone.

OK, let me rephrase that to ‘tired’ of being alone, then.

You don’t say what you’re looking for out of a relationship, though. It’s important to know that if you’re looking for one.

EarthSight · 27/09/2026 10:59

I can easily imagine this - if you're an only child, whose parents are dead and either they themselves were only-children too, or they weren't close at all to their extended family, then someone could find themselves in this position.

@Velveting It's really not that easy. I can see how it could look like that from the perspective of people who already has established friendships, or who've just been lucky, but it isn't. In our society, people aren't that open to making new friends once they get past around 25 years old. They may be polite, but people tend atrophy socially. They become increasingly risk averse and huddle in friend groups that they made at university, secondary school or even primary school, even if they don't have a huge amount in common with those people anymore. If you don't have that for some reason, you could easily find yourself friendless.

People say 'Well why don't you make friends at the gym? Join a class!!'.

Whilst this seems like a perfectly sensible idea on paper, my experience is that it doesn't work as easily as that. Most of attendants of things like classes or workshops arrive as pairs of small groups, and they go there to spend time with each other, not to expand their social circle, so they tend to mostly keep to themselves. You might be lucky to find someone else that's alone, but it doesn't mean they want to also make friends, or that they see you an someone interesting, or that you'll see them as a suitable friend.

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 11:00

WonderingWanda · 27/09/2026 10:57

I think there are likely some very elderly people who have lost their friends and relatives in a no friends or family situation but it is quite unusual otherwise for someone to have no friends. I can see why people find it off putting, they are assuming you have character flaw preventing you making friends. I wonder if what you define as a friend is the issue? Do you have acquaintances op? I mean, do you say hi to your neighbour, make chit chat with a colleague, know people at a hobby? These are they ways that friendships organically form.

Yes a few acquaintances but very few and I don’t see them often but people I say hello to maybe a quick chat but dont have their numbers and dont meet up with them. Some I don’t even know their names. Wouldnt call any of them friends.

OP posts:
RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 11:07

I actually have one sister but I haven’t spoken to her in 6 years, she has loads of friends and is always jumping from relationship to relationship I actually find people who can’t be alone are often the ones with the most friends because they can’t stand the thought of being alone so often get toxic relationships because they hate being alone where as people with no one are use to it and don’t feel the need to as much and are use to their own company but thats my experience and im sure others will have opposite

OP posts:
IDontHateRainbows · 27/09/2026 11:20

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 09:45

Because im not asking for advice on how to make friends but thanks anyway

You can't really control how people choose to answer a post on somewhere like mumsnet.

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 11:21

IDontHateRainbows · 27/09/2026 11:20

You can't really control how people choose to answer a post on somewhere like mumsnet.

I know, but I am asking if anyone has no friends or family not anything else.

OP posts:
RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 11:22

EarthSight · 27/09/2026 10:59

I can easily imagine this - if you're an only child, whose parents are dead and either they themselves were only-children too, or they weren't close at all to their extended family, then someone could find themselves in this position.

@Velveting It's really not that easy. I can see how it could look like that from the perspective of people who already has established friendships, or who've just been lucky, but it isn't. In our society, people aren't that open to making new friends once they get past around 25 years old. They may be polite, but people tend atrophy socially. They become increasingly risk averse and huddle in friend groups that they made at university, secondary school or even primary school, even if they don't have a huge amount in common with those people anymore. If you don't have that for some reason, you could easily find yourself friendless.

People say 'Well why don't you make friends at the gym? Join a class!!'.

Whilst this seems like a perfectly sensible idea on paper, my experience is that it doesn't work as easily as that. Most of attendants of things like classes or workshops arrive as pairs of small groups, and they go there to spend time with each other, not to expand their social circle, so they tend to mostly keep to themselves. You might be lucky to find someone else that's alone, but it doesn't mean they want to also make friends, or that they see you an someone interesting, or that you'll see them as a suitable friend.

Edited

Thanks, I know people mean well with their “join a walking group/hobby/club” but it’s a bit tiresome

OP posts:
IDontHateRainbows · 27/09/2026 11:23

EarthSight · 27/09/2026 10:59

I can easily imagine this - if you're an only child, whose parents are dead and either they themselves were only-children too, or they weren't close at all to their extended family, then someone could find themselves in this position.

@Velveting It's really not that easy. I can see how it could look like that from the perspective of people who already has established friendships, or who've just been lucky, but it isn't. In our society, people aren't that open to making new friends once they get past around 25 years old. They may be polite, but people tend atrophy socially. They become increasingly risk averse and huddle in friend groups that they made at university, secondary school or even primary school, even if they don't have a huge amount in common with those people anymore. If you don't have that for some reason, you could easily find yourself friendless.

People say 'Well why don't you make friends at the gym? Join a class!!'.

Whilst this seems like a perfectly sensible idea on paper, my experience is that it doesn't work as easily as that. Most of attendants of things like classes or workshops arrive as pairs of small groups, and they go there to spend time with each other, not to expand their social circle, so they tend to mostly keep to themselves. You might be lucky to find someone else that's alone, but it doesn't mean they want to also make friends, or that they see you an someone interesting, or that you'll see them as a suitable friend.

Edited

I've made a number of friends in my late 40s. Granted I lost some old friendships around then too but I seem.to have, without intending to, replaced the ones i lost. For better ones.

People can make friends at any age, its an attitude thing

Peonyhill · 27/09/2026 11:32

I am in my mid 40s and struggling to cope with the realisation that my parents have never been the parents I thought they were. They subjected me to years of narcissistic abuse and pitted me and my brother against each other. He was assigned the role of golden child and I’m the scapegoat. It’s caused a lot of hurt to me and they refuse to acknowledge what they’ve done wrong or that I’m a human being with feelings. I’ve gone from feeling like I had a close relationship with my mum to realising I don’t really have a genuine relationship with her at all. It was all built on her ego and what she got in return.

It’s become too much and I haven’t seen or spoken to either of them for weeks. They live 10 minutes away from us and not once has she picked up the phone to ask how the children are. It’s just reinforced to me that this is who she is.

My brother is driven by money power and has a massive ego and has never acknowledged my children who have been made to feel like second class citizens by them. I just don’t want them in my life anymore. Special times like Christmas will feel hard when everyone else is meeting up with their extended family, but I’ve realised that I never really had a seat at the table in the first place.

Lozlegs · 27/09/2026 11:40

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 10:56

fear Of being alone? I have been single for a decade, I spent most of my life alone, I have lived alone since 16 and spent most of my life alone. Someone who has no friends is not someone who is scared of being alone.

So true......we become hugely self sufficient because we have to.

BriarTime · 27/09/2026 11:50

Lozlegs · 27/09/2026 11:40

So true......we become hugely self sufficient because we have to.

Then why seek a partner? That’s what I’m trying to understand. Because a person’s reasons for seeking a partner affect how they get one, how the relationship pans out, everything. OP seems to have closed the door on friendship. But not, for some reason, on a romantic relationship. Being tired of being alone is not, in and of itself, usually enough to build a thriving relationship on.

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 11:56

I’ve been alone for 10 years, I didn’t look for a partner at all in that time. I don’t need a partner.

OP posts:
BriarTime · 27/09/2026 12:01

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 11:56

I’ve been alone for 10 years, I didn’t look for a partner at all in that time. I don’t need a partner.

Exactly. Presumably you want one, though, or you wouldn’t be online dating. It’s just important to know why. Best of luck to you, OP.

EarthSight · 27/09/2026 12:16

IDontHateRainbows · 27/09/2026 11:23

I've made a number of friends in my late 40s. Granted I lost some old friendships around then too but I seem.to have, without intending to, replaced the ones i lost. For better ones.

People can make friends at any age, its an attitude thing

I'd say that 40s is one of those times where friendship windows open up for women after their children become increasingly independent, but just because something is possible, doesn't mean that's going to be an easy thing to do, even for the majority of people.

EarthSight · 27/09/2026 12:26

@RaspberryBlues Yes - I've noticed that it tends to be said by people who don't have much experience of those groups. You mentioned walking groups, for example. Unless you live in the centre of a large city (in which case there are some walking groups targeted for the 20s - 30s age groups) walking groups are heavily dominated by pensioners. The last time I attended one, the youngest person was about 55, and almost everyone else was 65 at a minimum, with most people being around 70 - 80. The one before that was the same, and I think the walk leader was 85.

My presence as someone younger was so rare, that they were disappointed that I declined to be part of their group publicity photo which given their comment to me, would then likely be used years & years to come to promote the group, just because I had been to the group that one time.

EarthSight · 27/09/2026 12:28

Sorry to hear that @Peonyhill

WonderingWanda · 27/09/2026 13:00

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 11:00

Yes a few acquaintances but very few and I don’t see them often but people I say hello to maybe a quick chat but dont have their numbers and dont meet up with them. Some I don’t even know their names. Wouldnt call any of them friends.

I think most people have a wide circle of acquaintances who they make regular contact with and they think of as friends, like your sister, but they are often superficial and transient, very few people have lots of actual friends. I think if you ask most people they might refer to their spouse as their closest friends or those who might have kept close bonds with school or uni friends.

Bloaty2 · 27/09/2026 13:46

cloudtreecarpet · 27/09/2026 07:08

If you find it hard to make and have relationships with friends why do you assume you will be able to have a relationship with a partner?
Have you had long term relationships with a partner before?

I would not enter into a relationship with someone who has no friends because I would wonder why this was the case for them & I would worry that the relationship would become too intense and all consuming. I can understand the hesitancy you are experiencing on dating apps.

That may be true for people who do have lots of friends. You won’t be compatible, fine.

If OP meets another person who’s quite introverted or has experienced family estrangement, then it may not bother them at all.

Finding a romantic relationship may well be easier than trying to make new friends (from scratch) as an adult.

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 13:48

No my sister’s friends are her friends shes known them all since school! They do everything together. The acquaintances i have are people I’ve met in my area who say hello maybe a quick chat but I don’t really know them not even sure if that’s an acquaintance.

OP posts:
eeemes · 27/09/2026 14:24

I know a few people with neither family or friends, and they all have Autism and find social norms difficult to navigate, so have given up. One of them had a romantic relationship. I think it’s rare, but not unheard of.

PineConeOrDogPoo · 27/09/2026 15:37

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 10:50

I’ve had one relationship and I am 38, so I’d say thats unusual. (Wasnt together years or anything we were together for 6 years) so spent most of my life single. Im not sure why having no friends means you cant want a partner anyway? I feel they are different.

The primary function of a partner is to be a friend. If you just want someone for sex, you could consider a transactional relationship like a FWB. But otherwise, the ability to be a friend whether it's to your partner or to a non sexual partner will be important to sustain the relationship over time.

RaspberryBlues · 27/09/2026 15:59

The dynamic is different but I dont really want to go into it. Its just different.

OP posts:
Velveting · 27/09/2026 16:00

EarthSight · 27/09/2026 10:59

I can easily imagine this - if you're an only child, whose parents are dead and either they themselves were only-children too, or they weren't close at all to their extended family, then someone could find themselves in this position.

@Velveting It's really not that easy. I can see how it could look like that from the perspective of people who already has established friendships, or who've just been lucky, but it isn't. In our society, people aren't that open to making new friends once they get past around 25 years old. They may be polite, but people tend atrophy socially. They become increasingly risk averse and huddle in friend groups that they made at university, secondary school or even primary school, even if they don't have a huge amount in common with those people anymore. If you don't have that for some reason, you could easily find yourself friendless.

People say 'Well why don't you make friends at the gym? Join a class!!'.

Whilst this seems like a perfectly sensible idea on paper, my experience is that it doesn't work as easily as that. Most of attendants of things like classes or workshops arrive as pairs of small groups, and they go there to spend time with each other, not to expand their social circle, so they tend to mostly keep to themselves. You might be lucky to find someone else that's alone, but it doesn't mean they want to also make friends, or that they see you an someone interesting, or that you'll see them as a suitable friend.

Edited

@EarthSight, honestly, I’m not unsympathetic to people feeling lonely or overwhelmed at the idea of making friends as an adult, and as someone who has moved around a lot in my life, I’ve had to start from scratch (obviously keeping old friends but not knowing a single person in my new place) over and over. I’m certainly not someone who made good friends in childhood and kept them forever and who doesn’t get how much effort you need to put in to make friends. 90% of my friends date from after I turned 25.

But my experience (in different parts of the UK and in other countries ) suggests it’s absolutely doable. I most recently moved countries aged 48 to somewhere where I knew no one at all, just before the first lockdown, and I’ve still made friends.

cloudtreecarpet · 27/09/2026 16:06

Bloaty2 · 27/09/2026 13:46

That may be true for people who do have lots of friends. You won’t be compatible, fine.

If OP meets another person who’s quite introverted or has experienced family estrangement, then it may not bother them at all.

Finding a romantic relationship may well be easier than trying to make new friends (from scratch) as an adult.

Yes, someone else pointed this out and I get that.
The OP just needs to find a partner who also isn't that fussed about friends.

Netcurtainnelly · 27/09/2026 16:36

Velveting · 26/09/2026 23:55

And I’m not asking you to. I’m simply saying that if you have the time/inclination/skills to date, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t be able to make new friends, now.

It's not just about making friends. It's keeping the friendship going year in. Year out. There's alot to it rather than just making friends.