Should I go on a date despite a 20 year age gap?

[UndecidedOtter]

I (M50) do an activity with a bunch of other people once a week. I've made a few friends and there is one woman who walks in the same direction as me towards our respective homes. I've really enjoyed our chats over many weeks.

Yesterday, we stopped for coffee on the way home, not for the first time and she asked me out on what is definitely a date. I was very surprised she would find me attractive. I would be happy to continue with her as friend, but she is gorgeous, and now realise I have been suppressing the fact that there is chemistry between us. She is single with no kids, as am I.

Now we come to the issue. She is in her early 30s so there is a 20 year age gap. I am reluctant to go on a date with her, not because we don't have enough in common, but because of that difference. I'm already thinking of a future where she is 50 and I am 70. I know that sounds a bit ridiculous and I'd love to go on the date otherwise and just play it by ear, but I have these doubts.

What do you think?

It’s just one date! Ignore the judgement pearl clutchers on here and go for it.

Don’t be so sure!
When I met the man in my life who is absolutely the best lover I’ve had by far - he looked like a stodgy old man (he’s actually 5 years younger than me😂) and I never would have imagined that he’d c would be funny and clever and… just amazing.
Don’t over think.
Meet up. Chat. Laugh. Just enjoy the moment. No-one knows what the future holds.

Try dating a 70 year old woman first and see how that goes

I know a couple where there is a 23y gap - one 16yo together and very happy.

Personally not for me. I am M53, would never rule anything out but unlikely to go for someone outside 45-54 bracket, but if your both happy go for it and see what happens. Just be honest with each other if its getting serious about the gap

Reminds me of the old joke where a guy meets a stunning woman 50 ish in a bar and she asks if he’s ever had a ‘sportsman’s double’ ie mother and daughter together.
He eagerly agrees, imagining the daughter must be even more stunning.
Gets back to hers, she calls up the stairs ‘ Hi mum /are you still up?’

In my experience the younger person in these age gap relationships typically expects to be ‘taken care of’. Fancy dinners, holidays, gifts etc where they only pay a token amount, if anything. If you’re in the position (and willing) to fund that great, if not you might find it’s short lived.

Yes you should go on the date! I'm 40 and my partner is 60. We have been together well over a year and recently moved in together. We both have kids, his are grown up mine are young. But it works. We have both had moments where we have wondered how it might work in 10 / 20 years from now. However we have also had previous relationships of people closer to our age, and they didn't work out! Definately worth the risk. Have a great time 😊

Im in my 30s and wouldn't kick Brad Pitt or Jamie Foxx out of bed and both are over 20 years difference.

Stop being so close minded.

You talk about over 60 as if it's decrepit! I'm over 60 and out playing sport pretty much every day, running, taking on new things. Most of the 60 year olds I know have more energy than the 20 year olds 😂

It’s not gross because of how someone looks, it’s the vast chasm in life experience. It’s inappropriate. It’s gross.

Its not gross. My parents had 20 years difference and got on fine for decades.

Personally, I find men are more immature mentally and balances it out. Ive always preferred older guys- 12 years between me and my husband and we are like best friends.

Oh go on a date.my bro married a woman 20yra older and they been married 15 now

Absolutely not. Be the responsible adult

but he could also be her siblings by that logic. my sister's kids have 24 years between them.

they're both responsible adults.

go on the date op. just love life as it happens instead of worrying she'll resent you on 20 years

which of she was 22 might be true, but she's 30. she's not some sweet little girlie, she's a fully grown adult woman who fancies the guy from hobbies. she can make her own choices about who she has sex with.

Fuck it! You only live once. Go for it and have a great time x

My friend has 17 years of an age gap. It has worked out well for them

Each to their own.

This. I’m the same age as OP. If a gorgeous 30 year old asked me out, I would think he was after my money/lifestyle.

Or the love of her life. I think and 30 year old woman can reasonably decide.

@UndecidedOtter , why not? She obviously likes you, so as you like her back, go for ut.
It may become something or it may not.

Go for it! I'm (closer to 40f) have been with someone with a similar age gap for nearly a year. Best relationship I've ever had.

The only sticking point might be children, have that conversation early.

Go for it. 20 year age gap between my husband and i. Im in my early 30s and him early 50s. Works for us.

Oh your parents had a 20 year gap? I beg your pardon, you’ve completely changed my opinion, I think it’s totally fine now. Fill your boots OP, I hadn’t realised Spiffingdarling88’s parents had the same gap, they should have told me sooner.

Not always a fan of age gap relationships especially if they start when one person is in their teens/20s (purely because I think the majority level between 20 and 30 is huge) or there's small kids involved.

This is very different:

• she initiated it (you're not the sleezy old guy hitting on 20 years old)
• you've no kids or baggage
• your divorce was amibicable
• you work in a caring profession
• you have hobbies
• good conversationalist
• humble (temu George Clooney comment)

How are you single?
There's a lot of positives and she likes them!

Go for it.

Saw this yesterday. He's a remarkably well preserved 67 yr old, but that's quite the age gap. He's 5 yrs older than her dad!