Should I go on a date despite a 20 year age gap?

[UndecidedOtter]

I (M50) do an activity with a bunch of other people once a week. I've made a few friends and there is one woman who walks in the same direction as me towards our respective homes. I've really enjoyed our chats over many weeks.

Yesterday, we stopped for coffee on the way home, not for the first time and she asked me out on what is definitely a date. I was very surprised she would find me attractive. I would be happy to continue with her as friend, but she is gorgeous, and now realise I have been suppressing the fact that there is chemistry between us. She is single with no kids, as am I.

Now we come to the issue. She is in her early 30s so there is a 20 year age gap. I am reluctant to go on a date with her, not because we don't have enough in common, but because of that difference. I'm already thinking of a future where she is 50 and I am 70. I know that sounds a bit ridiculous and I'd love to go on the date otherwise and just play it by ear, but I have these doubts.

What do you think?

I just knew she wouldn't be 70.

And? If it were roles reversed would you be saying the same?

Madonna, Cher, Demi Moore spring to mind

What was it that one of the Collins Sisters said about her much younger husband

'Well, if he dies he dies'

Let us know how it goes

Ha right 🤣🤣

It’s one date , I don’t see the harm , nobody is proposing marriage ( yet … )

If she is interested and so are you, then you should do it. It's not a dress rehearsal, as they say.

I spent just 5 years with a husband 15 years younger than me. The problem with a big age gap is often no shared references, and also different hopes and dreams. We just realised our relationship had too little to hold it together. Be careful. You say she is gorgeous? How are you going to feel when you realise her make friends, 20 years younger than you find her gorgeous too.

Why not, she might be the love of your life and she yours or it may just fizzle out.

Thank you for sharing your experiences.

This is a good point - we do have different cultural references, but a lot of common interests. We are both quite bookish and share the same hobby.

I am very much less worried about her male friends finding her attractive - she is attractive. I really am not the jealous type. I am more concerned that she might find me less attractive as time goes on.

Calm down, she didn’t propose marriage.

Stereotypically, men mature later. There's no power play here-you're not a teacher or boss. She is an adult woman capable of making her own decisions. Sadly some people can get health problems/illnesses at any age, and there's very old people fitter and healthier than some young people, so I wouldn't let the risk of that put you off.
Having friends from different age groups is a positive thing, and while I would once have warned you have different "references", my teenage relatives are in to the same kind of music I listened to 25 years ago, they watch Columbo and similar things to my parents, so it's not like it used to be, where this would have been such a big deal. While technically you could be her dad, many first time dads are 40 plus now, so not many people are likely to think that.

OK - I think I am over-thinking things. Thank you for all the advice. I'll go on the date, have fun, and we'll talk about it. As @Venusunbroken said she didn't propose marriage!

I'll report back.

Nope,

Yup. She’s old enough to know her own mind. Don’t stress it - go on the date, see where it goes.. maybe nowhere, maybe somewhere, have a great time either way. And do report back.

There’s a twenty year gap between DP and I, I’m now fifties and he’s seventies. Our years together have been the happiest in both of our lives. Respect her enough to know her own mind about her life and relationship requirements.

Exactly, you’re talking like you think she proposed marriage or it will be a long term relationship. It’s no different to any other date, it could be one, it could be multiple it could be a short relationship it could be serious.

dont go in there wanting to talk of the future, thats immediate ick

14 year age gap here.

For one date? Go for it .... its not serious!

If things develop....be prepared to have deep convos quite early so you arent wasting each other's time.

Oddly enough there can be people with age gaps who do have shared interests, hopes, dreams and plans for the future....but these need to be established earlier than someone of the same age group.....

I have more in common with my dp than anyone he's ever found in his age bracket....and we both wanted the same things

What's with all the age gap threads lately?

I mean they make a change from 'I hate dogs' but still.

It's a tricky decision. If it doesn't work out, even after a few dates, will it make going to the hobby difficult/awkward for either of you?

I wouldn't rule out a date, especially as she's the one who is asking, but I'd give some thought, before committing to a date, to what could be potential issues if you have hopes of it leading to a relationship. You've already mentioned different cultural references. Her friendship group will likely be her age - will it feel awkward being potentially the only older person in the group? Her parents are probably your age. Will it cause you anxiety as you age further and your body starts to show the signs? She obviously sees something in you she likes, and isn't bothered by your age, but you posting here says to me that you do have some concerns.i

Honestly I’d wonder why an attractive 30 year old would even want to date a man 20 years older.. , anyone I know of fhat age wohld consider someone yours as an old man. Also while people can still look young enough at 50 as you progress through it .. age comes to us all. I’d feel like a grandma if the roles were reversed. Like it’s going nowhere unless you want to be at the school gates in your 60’s .. bit of fun fine

If you are attracted to her and she to you, then whether she dates you knowing your age is her choice to make not yours, I think.

No relationship is guaranteed to last.

I would just check whether she wants children and be sure you've got the energy you'll need to be an older dad. A 10 year old when your over 60 is a big ask.

I wonder how many 30 year olds would be happy to invite a singleton George Clooney on a date?

Unless the OP is actually George Clooney, I can't see the relevance?

Plus GC would provide a life of luxury most people can only dream of.

Not even George Clooney's Temu lookalike. 😂

You think he’s an a list multi millionaire celeb who also happens to be seen as one of the hottest men on the planet?