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Boyfriend unable to get erection but masturbating to Instagram models

92 replies

TheInfamousGrouse · Today 14:14

To the women on here, how would you feel if your boyfriend couldn't get an erection, but was using Instagram models and such like to masturbate regularly?

We've only been seeing each other for 7 months....

OP posts:
OtterlyAstounding · Today 20:56

Blackandyellow65 · Today 16:22

20% don’t do what? No where near 80% of men are like what the op describes. Maybe 20% don’t watch porn. No way can only 20% of the male population achieve an erection through wanking with porn and can’t have sex with their partners. Let’s not pretend like anything with this severity is in any way common

Yes, I was responding to OP's question as to whether any men 'don't do this', and took that to mean watching porn (and not masturbating to half naked models on Instagram), which is 20%. Not the erectile dysfunction part.

Cantbefucked · Today 21:45

Porn and men prefering it to having sex with a real woman make me rage! Pathetic little slime balls! Its secretive, hurtful and nasty!!

LEAVE HIM for a proper man who will treat you the way you deserve!

EarthSight · Today 21:49

Either he's not into women that much (despite his habits), or, he's just not attracted to you I'm afraid. Hence the reluctance to kiss. Likely he's with you for something else other than sex.

Cocopogo · Today 21:56

This is very common in men with porn addictions. He’s right in that he’s been on his own too long and got too used to porn instead. Has he tried not masturbating for a week to see if that helped?
After just 7 months I would be walking away. It’s too much hassle and I couldn’t respect him after this.
My DP doesn’t use porn, he knows it’s a deal breaker for me. Any guy who gets off on women being treated like that is disgusting.

lavendersweetly · Today 22:00

@TheInfamousGrouse
Firstly, I just wanted to make sure you're okay? That sounds genuinely really hurtful and I can see why you've reached out for opinions on this 😞

The rising amount of porn and the unfettered access to it is actually causing this problem for lots of people; boys, young and older men in specific, but some women too.

Ultimately, what I can glean from this is that it's not that he can't get an erection, because he's wanking over randoms online, right? (I mean, unless he's pulling his impotent penis and not reaching climax which, in my opinion, is equally sad. If not, worse, actually.) It's that can't get one over a real-life person which is probably not something that you're going to be able to fix, no matter how sexy or seductive you are.
Some people's minds are just rotted by porn unfortunately. It's up to you to decide whether you can be okay with that, though it would be a huge turn-off for me personally, and I would no longer be in a relationship with that person.

lavendersweetly · Today 22:04

EarthSight · Today 21:49

Either he's not into women that much (despite his habits), or, he's just not attracted to you I'm afraid. Hence the reluctance to kiss. Likely he's with you for something else other than sex.

This is actually not true at all and not a nice thing to say to OP.

Please look up porn addiction and how it can indirectly cause erectile dysfunction, specifically porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED).

EarthSight · Today 22:17

@lavendersweetly Spare me 🙄

It may not be 'nice', as in, nobody wants to consider that another person would be with them when they're not attracted, but it's a logical possibility nevertheless.

I didn't say it to be rude or nasty. Furthermore, being kind sometimes involves withholding opinions from others to spare their feelings, but sometimes, it also involves sharing them or not overly softening something. I guess you didn't consider that approach when reading my response.

Online addiction especially with how algorithms work is a real thing, yes, but I think we do men too much of a kindness by overly diagnosing them with addiction, when actually they don't have one.

Some men are simply overly preoccupied by other women. They have a roving eye and it's deeply ingrained. They would be that way even if they didn't have access to porn.

Other men have seen so many women that ordinary women seem unattractive in comparison - technically, that is not an addition but an affect of overexposure.

Note that he doesn't like kissing to the point where he seems to have an aversion to it. This is highly unusual for men and kissing doesn't even require an erection, so I don't think this is the result of an addiction as such. Over exposure maybe, or that plus simply not being attracted to OP.

Doesn't mean she should settle for it. Lord knows there seems to be an epidemic of incredibly average or even unattractive men out there who seem to be fixated, even entitled, to getting a woman who looks like a model despite not looking that attractive themselves.

Blogswife · Today 22:20

I would leave him . He wouldn’t be at all attractive to me and after 7 months it’s not worth trying to work
on the relationship

lavendersweetly · Today 22:32

EarthSight · Today 22:17

@lavendersweetly Spare me 🙄

It may not be 'nice', as in, nobody wants to consider that another person would be with them when they're not attracted, but it's a logical possibility nevertheless.

I didn't say it to be rude or nasty. Furthermore, being kind sometimes involves withholding opinions from others to spare their feelings, but sometimes, it also involves sharing them or not overly softening something. I guess you didn't consider that approach when reading my response.

Online addiction especially with how algorithms work is a real thing, yes, but I think we do men too much of a kindness by overly diagnosing them with addiction, when actually they don't have one.

Some men are simply overly preoccupied by other women. They have a roving eye and it's deeply ingrained. They would be that way even if they didn't have access to porn.

Other men have seen so many women that ordinary women seem unattractive in comparison - technically, that is not an addition but an affect of overexposure.

Note that he doesn't like kissing to the point where he seems to have an aversion to it. This is highly unusual for men and kissing doesn't even require an erection, so I don't think this is the result of an addiction as such. Over exposure maybe, or that plus simply not being attracted to OP.

Doesn't mean she should settle for it. Lord knows there seems to be an epidemic of incredibly average or even unattractive men out there who seem to be fixated, even entitled, to getting a woman who looks like a model despite not looking that attractive themselves.

Edited

@EarthSight
Woah, okay, I was actually only referring to the part where you said "He's with you for something else" as I inferred that you meant he was looking to gain something from her, material or otherwise, which I personally feel is an unkind thing to say without knowing the full context, but that's just my own opinion.

I actually totally agree that there is a chance he may not be attracted to her. In fact, I actually strongly agree with more or less everything else you've said 😂

My only other question would be, if he isn't attracted to women, why would he be wanking over them?

CinnamonBuns67 · Today 22:33

I'd leave OP. He's disrespecting you and then lying about it and then minimising it. You deserve better.

workshy46 · Today 22:37

Impotent porn addict .. seriously you can do better than a relationship where you are second best to his left hand .. grim

gardenlady1 · Today 22:38

TheInfamousGrouse · Today 14:43

I reckon the Banshee has screamed the death knell of this relationship!!!

Good for you! I always think that things like this are the tip of the iceberg - it’s a super unhealthy obsession some men have. Even if his sex drive with you was good, I’d still be sacking him for the Instagram stuff! Dodgy as hell

crikeymikey123 · Today 22:43

I'm always suspicious of men who like super skinny women....
Maybe they're closer to boys

GreenCaterpillarOnALeaf · Today 22:49

He wouldn’t be my boyfriend anymore and I would vehemently deny I was ever with him.

Yogafiend · Today 22:52

TheInfamousGrouse · Today 14:47

So many men seem to do this though..... are there any left that don't?

I’m sorry but who are these men that do this? I agree with posters you need to let it go. My husband is a bit younger (40) and he doesn’t do this. I refuse to believe that there aren’t no other decent men out there! Keep looking.

Yogafiend · Today 22:54

crikeymikey123 · Today 22:43

I'm always suspicious of men who like super skinny women....
Maybe they're closer to boys

or young when they are are in their 40s… creepy

EarthSight · Today 23:27

@lavendersweetly He might be attracted to other women, just not the OP.

OP, I know that there's more to romantic relationships than sex, but I think this situation is going to really bring you down more and more over time. It's not even a year yet and there's already a serious problem.

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