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Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

511 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
MysticHalfWitch · Yesterday 16:36

I’d message him. Nothing to lose. Use your words and, if it doesn’t go the way you hope, at least you tried and won’t sit and wonder.

AtHomeWithThe · Yesterday 16:36

Runrum · Yesterday 16:06

Just ignore the posts from people too lazy to RTFT. They’ll work it out eventually.

I do hope you get the outcome you’re hoping for OP. At worst I hope he at least responds with honesty. I’ve bookmarked so I can find out.

And those who are so negative, pick so many faults in any other person’s nice times and clearly don’t want this to turn out well for the OP.

No wonder there are so many people on their own.

TheSmellOfSea · Yesterday 16:37

He's probably working so don't give up just yet.

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:37

Imonmyownhere · Yesterday 16:30

Maybe in the end he decided you were too far distance wise. All sounds like a good idea when you're on holiday as the distance probably wouldn't have seemed an issue.

Quite possibly and perfectly understandable - I'd be fine if he messaged back and said it's not happening due to that, disappointed, but again at least I'd know.

I've done my bit, what will be will be

OP posts:
HappyEnglishTeacher · Yesterday 16:37

I'm really happy you've messaged. I think if a couple are genuinely into each other they never mind receiving texts. Waiting and wondering is always worse than knowing definitely - so this way you'll get an answer. 🤗

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:38

MysticHalfWitch · Yesterday 16:36

I’d message him. Nothing to lose. Use your words and, if it doesn’t go the way you hope, at least you tried and won’t sit and wonder.

That's a great idea thank you 😆

OP posts:
MysticHalfWitch · Yesterday 16:38

Sorry sorry! Just seen you’ve messaged. That’s what I’d have done for what it’s worth! Hope he replies! Invested now

Mapletree1985 · Yesterday 16:39

Personally I'd message him. I'd be completely frank: "I really liked you and enjoyed your company. I'm interested in seeing you again, but I'm not interested in playing games. Get in touch if you'd like to see me. If you don't get in touch, I'll assume the answer is no, and I won't contact you again. Either way, thanks for bringing a frisson of romance into my holiday."

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:39

Mapletree1985 · Yesterday 16:39

Personally I'd message him. I'd be completely frank: "I really liked you and enjoyed your company. I'm interested in seeing you again, but I'm not interested in playing games. Get in touch if you'd like to see me. If you don't get in touch, I'll assume the answer is no, and I won't contact you again. Either way, thanks for bringing a frisson of romance into my holiday."

yeah I've messaged him but if I hadn't I certainly wouldn't have said that.

No offence

OP posts:
Cla7 · Yesterday 16:40

Good luck OP, I hope it’s the start of a love story 🥰

lavendersweetly · Yesterday 16:42

I say absolutely give it one last try, why the bloody hell not! Just keep it light and non-committal :)
If he doesn't reply then you've got your answer, nothing ventured nothing gained after all

MysticHalfWitch · Yesterday 16:43

Also, for the naysayers saying it’s desperate to message, why is it? She’s not begging or asking him to marry her, she’s been a grown up and said what she wants! Surely that’s what we all say we MUST do as adults? Unless romance is involved, then we all must go back to the 1800s and be coy.

RuneWhisperer · Yesterday 16:43

Mapletree1985 · Yesterday 16:39

Personally I'd message him. I'd be completely frank: "I really liked you and enjoyed your company. I'm interested in seeing you again, but I'm not interested in playing games. Get in touch if you'd like to see me. If you don't get in touch, I'll assume the answer is no, and I won't contact you again. Either way, thanks for bringing a frisson of romance into my holiday."

😂 Is red your favourite colour? 🚩

MegJoBethandAmytoo · Yesterday 16:44

lavendersweetly · Yesterday 16:42

I say absolutely give it one last try, why the bloody hell not! Just keep it light and non-committal :)
If he doesn't reply then you've got your answer, nothing ventured nothing gained after all

Read the thread! Even if it's only the OPs updates. 🤦‍♀️

Stormyrose · Yesterday 16:44

Good message op, as a pp said he only got back Thursday so I’d not assume the fact he’d not messaged by Monday meant anything, in fact I’d Expect a week or so before he did.

Imonmyownhere · Yesterday 16:44

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:37

Quite possibly and perfectly understandable - I'd be fine if he messaged back and said it's not happening due to that, disappointed, but again at least I'd know.

I've done my bit, what will be will be

He should have the decency to let you know either way. Hope he replies. 😊

BritsAbroadly · Yesterday 16:46

Have you stalked his socials to make sure he’s not married or in a relationship?

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:46

Imonmyownhere · Yesterday 16:44

He should have the decency to let you know either way. Hope he replies. 😊

Well this would be nice but I'm not holding my breath.

Anyway, thanks all, I've gone from feeling quite down about this to "fuck it, it's his loss" if he doesn't reply so that's a result!

OP posts:
Crunchymum · Yesterday 16:47

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:39

yeah I've messaged him but if I hadn't I certainly wouldn't have said that.

No offence

Totally agree!

Some of the suggested messages on here are a bit scary!

Yes you can message someone and be frank and forthright but blimey.

I am glad you messaged OP, there will be no lingering doubts on your part at least. However I do kind of think that if he was genuinely interested you'd have had a message on Friday.

Although I am kind of hoping to be proven incredibly wrong and you get a lovely message as soon as he logs off from work!

Whoddathoughtit · Yesterday 16:47

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:39

yeah I've messaged him but if I hadn't I certainly wouldn't have said that.

No offence

So glad you messaged him, life is too short to dick about.
keep us posted if he replies, he will be at work until later I would suspect.
good on your for ignoring the stuck up advice on here x

Nevs · Yesterday 16:48

Also invested as I have several friends who have had countless encounters with men who express an interest then never bother following through with a text or offer of a date. It’s very common. My friends never bother to reach out to them after they don’t text when they say they would, so interested to see how this plays out now you’ve sent the first text. Keep us updated!

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Yesterday 16:50

HollyhocksandPeons · Yesterday 16:31

Exactly as it says. But desperate times call for desperate measures - nowadays I recommend my female friends and relatives make the first move, men are often amenable to being chosen and led away, so who cares about absence of self-respect.

These aren’t desperate times and there aren’t any desperate measures needed though.

OP isn’t ‘choosing’ this man and ‘leading him away’, and where is the ‘absence of self respect’?

She met a man on holiday, he’s back now and she’s texted him, I just cannot see where the self respect bit comes into it? Isn’t it simply basic communication, the same as we all do every day with everyone we meet?

I don’t see the connection, and I never do when people post these things on similar threads, and I’ve never seen anyone explain their way of thinking!

OP, you scarlet hussy of a fallen woman, cast aside all self respect and text this man who will no doubt be starring in a Radio 4 documentary about how he is an international romance scammer and you FELL FOR IT because you are a woman with no self respect and because you have no self respect you deserve all you get. (Don’t worry, I know you already texted him, because I read the words you wrote)

Loub1987 · Yesterday 16:51

Glad you messaged him, now you will have nothing to regret! Worst case scenario is that he doesn’t respond and you had a couple of great kisses.

Hope he does respond though!

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:51

NoCommentingFromNowOn · Yesterday 16:50

These aren’t desperate times and there aren’t any desperate measures needed though.

OP isn’t ‘choosing’ this man and ‘leading him away’, and where is the ‘absence of self respect’?

She met a man on holiday, he’s back now and she’s texted him, I just cannot see where the self respect bit comes into it? Isn’t it simply basic communication, the same as we all do every day with everyone we meet?

I don’t see the connection, and I never do when people post these things on similar threads, and I’ve never seen anyone explain their way of thinking!

OP, you scarlet hussy of a fallen woman, cast aside all self respect and text this man who will no doubt be starring in a Radio 4 documentary about how he is an international romance scammer and you FELL FOR IT because you are a woman with no self respect and because you have no self respect you deserve all you get. (Don’t worry, I know you already texted him, because I read the words you wrote)

Actually snorted at that struck through bit 😆

OP posts:
Imonmyownhere · Yesterday 16:52

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 16:46

Well this would be nice but I'm not holding my breath.

Anyway, thanks all, I've gone from feeling quite down about this to "fuck it, it's his loss" if he doesn't reply so that's a result!

How it all came about sounds very sweet, but the fact he's had days doesn't look good I'm afraid.

Did you book the band and turn it in to a holiday? I'm really keeping my fingers crossed for you. Anyway I love live bands..not that you need to tell me who it was or anything!! 😂

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