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Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

511 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
BotterMon · Yesterday 19:39

Excellent update! Let us all know if we need to buy a hat next year.

(Oh and I really hope he doesn't have your user name in his pants....😂)

DancingFerret · Yesterday 19:40

Please ignore the vipers and come back with an update.

lulujuju · Yesterday 19:40

This thread is wild! Please come back and update us once you’ve met up 🙂

cabus · Yesterday 19:40

Just thought I'd say that DD's holiday romance worked out and they lived a long way apart. Sometimes it just does. Smile

bob11 · Yesterday 19:40

Nevs · Yesterday 18:34

This happens so often, my single friends will meet a man who asks for their number and then nothing. I’m convinced they like just enjoy the attention.

Unfortunately I don’t think this man is interested. If he was he’d have been in touch by now, he got home last Thursday. What was stopping him from reaching out over the whole weekend?

Generally speaking I would never reach out to a man after he hasn’t contacted me. Because even if we did go on a date, it would be in the back of my mind that we were only there together because I gave in, as he did not have enough interest initially to make the first move. A lot of men will take offers because “why not”, if it is there and does not require much work from their side. But of course, that is not evident of a true genuine interest. By allowing them to initiate it can help rule out the ones who are not bothered. Although, I am Slavic and there are different expectations for men in our culture. I hope this case is the exception.

What are Slavic men like? Sorry don't want to derail the thread! I am currently in a Slavic country and interested.
The differences I have noticed (in a very short time) is that no one gives way, much much worse than the UK and more noticeable with men! They walk, cycle, drive etc straight at you. Maybe this is for its own thread.

Well done OP. Hope it works out for you.

Bumcake · Yesterday 19:41

Nice one, OP. I hope he turns out to still be appealing on home turf.

Some folk on here are bananas.

Ohnobackagain · Yesterday 19:42

I’m so pleased @3ciLop and hope that, despite some of the responses, you’ll be back to tell us how your date goes ♥️

dylexicdementor11 · Yesterday 19:42

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

Message him again. Good luck!

Frostynoman · Yesterday 19:43

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 18:37

So I have an update if anyone's still interested?

I am OP - watched the thread especially!

Nevs · Yesterday 19:43

Dumbledora8 · Yesterday 19:31

Ignore them OP. Some people just like to piss on others parades!

You might be naive to how men lie and lead women on these days, but not all of us are. I’m not bitter, my DP has always shown consistency (to date anyway, things could well change) however I’ve heard countless stories from my single friends and the dating scene.

The man has chosen not to contact her at all, and as far as she was concerned he’d told her he was flying home last Thursday. Now conveniently as soon as she reaches out he just happens to have landed and says he was gonna text her soon as he got home. That’s all it took for OP to put it back on herself and say “oops silly me I’m so forgetful with dates” Personally I’d have a bit more confidence in my intelligence initially, so I’d want to know if he was telling the truth before things went any further. She’s written a whole thread and talked about him throughout the day, don’t pretend like a quick check of flights is a huge leap.

JenRummy · Yesterday 19:44

This is great OP. Hoping all works out. Thanks for the update 🫶🏻

woollensmashkin · Yesterday 19:44

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 19:36

Well I was going to type something similar, but cba. So far it's a positive outcome but I think some posters would have rubbed their hands with glee if he didnt respond/responded negatively

You clearly know what you're doin, you're just going to start as if you're having a second meet with someone you met in the UK on the apps.

Sure the guy could be dodgy but also you've taken the reasonable precautions which are appropriate at this stage.

Him booking a hotel for himself is perfectly appropriate, he's not pressurising you but it means if he travels down he can have a drink and go back to his hotel without worrying about last trains.

The main thing would be to see if you have chemistry in cold England lol!

I agree I'd probably leave this thread as you'll want to make your own decisions and see how you feel about things, rather than giving updates on the situation.

Dandeloosha · Yesterday 19:47

Dammit. I’m going to have to brave all the creepy men on the Sex board to find out about big spongy helmet now.

Calliopespa · Yesterday 19:48

I'm just relieved he didn't drop his phone down a drain or over the side of a boat and couldn't get his old number reinstated so he wouldn't even get OP's messages. That was my concern on reading this thread - and I WAS beginning to obsess!

AtHomeWithThe · Yesterday 19:55

ANNotherWriter · Yesterday 19:09

You're very defensive when most women might check him out- on social media or to make sure he's being honest.

If you don't want to, fine, but you did make the first move and were hesitant enough to ask for advice.

But if you read through the thread the OP does not know his surname.

How could she check him out?

Venicelagoon · Yesterday 19:59

OP. Thanks so much for updating us all. Im really pleased for you. You had to make that move. He sounds so nice. For what its worth one of my stepdaughters who is over 60 and divorced some years ago met someone on a solo holiday. They hit it off. Met up after the holiday and travelled some 4 hour trip to see each other. They're engaged now. Marrying next year. So these relationships can work out. She's so happy.

Thecomedyclub · Yesterday 19:59

OP I’ve loved this thread. The way you navigated all the seriously batshit responses has been remarkable.
I am so glad he responded - and I hope you come back and let us know if the date on English soil (damp and drizzly) is as exciting as in the Canaries! Good luck 🍷

LittleSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 20:00

OP! I'm so happy for you! I'm buying a hat (or a helmet ⛑️) for the wedding. I'll be waiting for the invite.
I hope you have a wonderful time when you meet up, and please do update us.

Calliopespa · Yesterday 20:00

Anyway, I said all along he'd ring (provided he hadn't lost his phone).

Creeps don't waste time wanting a handhold, a chat and a snog when on vacation; they move in quick. That's Key Information 101 from the "Things Your Mum Told You But You Ignored" lecture series.

Nevs · Yesterday 20:00

bob11 · Yesterday 19:40

What are Slavic men like? Sorry don't want to derail the thread! I am currently in a Slavic country and interested.
The differences I have noticed (in a very short time) is that no one gives way, much much worse than the UK and more noticeable with men! They walk, cycle, drive etc straight at you. Maybe this is for its own thread.

Well done OP. Hope it works out for you.

In Slavic culture men are expected to initiate, plan and pay for the dates. They are expected to take charge and be forthcoming in the development stages of relationships. In comparison, I have noticed in UK men are much more passive and not upfront with their true thoughts, they play to the dating rules. They are too concerned they will appear too interested. To me, this only displays as a lack of confidence. If you are exploring to date Slavic men, don’t let the cultural difference scare you away.

In regards to your comments about the cycle and driving at you, I can promise this is not limited to Slavic countries, but most of Europe. I have live in several Euro countries 😊

Sam9769 · Yesterday 20:02

justforthis · Yesterday 14:25

You've got nothing to lose, just message him. If you don't get a response then I guess you'll know

This!

Lastpushtothesummit · Yesterday 20:02

lulujuju · Yesterday 19:40

This thread is wild! Please come back and update us once you’ve met up 🙂

Yes please keep us updated OP. I’m a sucker for a good romance ❤️❤️

Imonmyownhere · Yesterday 20:02

ANNotherWriter · Yesterday 19:12

Come on!

Not really when almost ALL posts so far, until he has appeared, are saying he might be married, check him out etc.

But of course that' s all forgotten as soon as he sends a text in reply to the OP. And arranges to meet her at a hotel - so nowhere near where he lives.

I hope he's genuine but there is nothing wrong in being careful.

Edited

Yeah for the OP to check him out!

Gonners · Yesterday 20:03

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 19:06

Rightly or wrongly I'm taking it at face value, I'm not going to search flights or jump straight on social media. He's happy to come to Manchester and book a hotel, and is going to come back to me with dates

Rightly, IMHO. It's generally better to start off thinking that people are who they say they are. I know I would be very thoroughly pissed off if I found out that someone had been "investigating" me.

Grumblegrumblegrumble · Yesterday 20:04

This is exciting OP. Wishing you lots more snogging.

Swipe left for the next trending thread