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Would you message him after a lovely holiday connection went quiet?

512 replies

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 14:04

Name changed obviously as I feel really pathetic.

Recently returned from a solo holiday, met a really lovely man on the Thursday evening (I went home the following Saturday), whilst watching a live band and we chatted for hours about everything and anything. It all felt really natural, he was a little shy but we had a lovely time and I felt comfortable when he offered to walk me back (near to) my apartment. I'd had a few drinks as had he and he asked if I wanted to link arms as I seemed a little unsteady...I probably was to be fair, I was merry but as I don't drink often, it probably takes me much less to get tipsy than others!

Anyhoo, the walk back was 20 mins, in that time we went from linked arms to holding hands, chatted all the way about our jobs, friends, holidays, the fact that we were both single, and ended up sitting on a bench near the apartment until 4.00 a.m. just chatting. It was so lovely. The next morning he messaged me saying he'd had a lovely time and could he see me again, we decided to go and see a singer we'd both talked about the night before, so I met him at 4.30 in a seafront bar, had a couple of cocktails, saw the singer at 6.30 and then he asked if he could buy me dinner. Ended up at the same bar as the night before watching the live band again, didn't stop chatting and laughing and we also had a couple of snogs (discretely, it was very dark). He walked me back again, took a bit longer this time as we were constantly stopping for a kiss, he was a gentlemen, didn't try anything else, walked me to my door, bit more kissing, said he'd love to see when he gets home and then he said he better let me go as I was leaving for the airport at 9 the next day.

He messaged me whilst I was at the airport, said how lovely it had been to meet me and he really wanted to see me again and he'd message/call me when he got home (he was there until Thursday last week). I responded to say I'd really enjoyed meeting him and I'd love to see him again....and then nothing. And still nothing.

I have to say this has really hit me hard and I'm almost embarrassed to admit that, I really liked him and I honestly thought he would get in touch. My friends are in 2 camps, some have said message him (mostly blokes), some have said you messaged last, you made your feelings clear and he DID say he'd message you once home. I have stopped myself from messaging him so many times as I don't want to feel like I'm prompting him, but I would have really liked to see him again. It could have been all bullshit on holiday but then why text me when I'm on my way home.

We're both 52 for context.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Allelbowsandtoes · Yesterday 19:08

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 18:46

Brilliant replies, thanks for the laugh.

So I'm paraphrasing a little but he said was I following his flight as he'd just landed and was on the train home, I obviously was more pissed than I thought as I swore he said he was flying back last Thursday. He said it was lovely meeting me and he was going to text once home and he definitely wants to meet up on British soil...soon!

I'd find this a tiny bit suspicious if I'm honest. Seems coincidental that you got the day wrong for his flight home and just happened to text while he was on the flight. And then for him to say he'd text you when he got home....he's sat on a train doing not much else presumably, why wait to set a time to see you?

Really hope I'm wrong as you sound lovely. Maybe like another poster said, make sure hes being proactive from now.

Lostinbrum · Yesterday 19:09

Awe i think its lovely, some people have very suspicious minds and think the worst of everyone. Im invested in this now please keep us updated!

ANNotherWriter · Yesterday 19:09

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 19:08

And no, he didn't fly to Leeds...or Manchester, hence the train

You're very defensive when most women might check him out- on social media or to make sure he's being honest.

If you don't want to, fine, but you did make the first move and were hesitant enough to ask for advice.

Imonmyownhere · Yesterday 19:10

ANNotherWriter · Yesterday 19:06

Surely it's obvious why anyone would check?

You can't take everyone at their word.

Thursday sounds nothing like Monday.

Strange for YOU to check 🤔😂

Puffalicious · Yesterday 19:10

CombatBarbie · Yesterday 19:05

Seriously?? He could have flown to Manchester or anywhere......why did you even check 🤔

Exactly #bunnyboilervibes!

Justgonnasaythis · Yesterday 19:11

Yay Op ! Great result. Hope it all turns out great for you. If it doesn’t at least you have an answer!

ThatGoldScroller · Yesterday 19:11

Thanks for update OP, I hope you get a great big snog!

Anotherusername123456 · Yesterday 19:11

Personally i would be very suspicious. And be very careful. Just to be on the safe side.

ANNotherWriter · Yesterday 19:12

Imonmyownhere · Yesterday 19:10

Strange for YOU to check 🤔😂

Come on!

Not really when almost ALL posts so far, until he has appeared, are saying he might be married, check him out etc.

But of course that' s all forgotten as soon as he sends a text in reply to the OP. And arranges to meet her at a hotel - so nowhere near where he lives.

I hope he's genuine but there is nothing wrong in being careful.

Nevs · Yesterday 19:13

Puffalicious · Yesterday 19:10

Exactly #bunnyboilervibes!

She written a whole Mumsnet thread about him. Explain how a quick check of flight arrivals is anymore effort or obsessive?

CrazyMidget · Yesterday 19:13

Many of us women place far too much importance on men. I used to, until I had a long and horrible marriage. Since then, I treat them like condiments. Nice to have, but not having them doesn't spoil any of my enjoyment. I don't give any of the men I date any thought at all, unless they do something to really get my attention. I don't understand why you're even thinking about this man. After you said goodbye, there was no reason to ever think about him again unless he got in touch with you to suggest a time and date to meet up back home. He's not the Messiah, he's not the answer, he's not a prize. He's just a man who probably takes an hour on the loo to have a shit and hasn't called you. You should be asking yourself if YOU like HIM, not the other way round. I, personally, wouldn't like someone who broke a promise to be in touch. Sod him. Sod them all. A man is not the answer. TO ANYTHING.

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 19:17

Ok well I think I'm going to leave this thread now, some people are taking all the fun/excitement out of it, and making it sound sinister and dark.

Anyway, i took a risk, it paid off hopefully so thanks all, and especially to those who made me laugh out loud

OP posts:
Twiglets1 · Yesterday 19:18

Good Luck @BigSpongyHelmet hope it works out for you.

GarlicSomething · Yesterday 19:18

Mumsnet often sometimes reminds me I'm not as crazy as I tend to think 😂

PhyllisTwigg · Yesterday 19:18

I'd find it odd that we had such a connection but he hadn't bothered to contact me in over a week whilst he was still on holiday.

TheWiseGreyDreamer · Yesterday 19:19

I don’t blame you ! I was going to ask if you could come back and let us know how the date goes but I hear you !

lizzielizard · Yesterday 19:19

I'm so pleased for you that he's responded. He sounds really nice and so do you. Fingers crossed that he's as lovely as he was on holiday. Please come back and let us know how it goes. I have a good feeling about this.

NorthFacingGardener · Yesterday 19:19

I’m glad he replied OP 😊 wishing you a fun date and no identity theft / scamming / secret wives.

GarlicSomething · Yesterday 19:19

Have a great time, @BigSpongyHelmet, when it happens!

Do come back and spill, if you feel like it.

ohyouagainclarence · Yesterday 19:20

Ah OP, please don’t leave the thread - so many will want to know what your next date is like. I read the full thread and thought you were very patient by replying to all the people who couldn’t be bothered to read it. Ignore the weirdos who are literally going to the bother of checking flights…seriously! 🙄

If you do leave the thread, well, you both sound lovely and I hope you’re able to move things forward.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · Yesterday 19:20

ANNotherWriter · Yesterday 19:09

You're very defensive when most women might check him out- on social media or to make sure he's being honest.

If you don't want to, fine, but you did make the first move and were hesitant enough to ask for advice.

How is the op being defensive?

Anotherusername123456 · Yesterday 19:22

just the basics? I.e. where in UK have flights arrived from that canary island today? Very easy to do. Then you would know if timings fit in and if he is definitely lying? But yes. I wish you both the best.

Justgonnasaythis · Yesterday 19:22

BigSpongyHelmet · Yesterday 19:17

Ok well I think I'm going to leave this thread now, some people are taking all the fun/excitement out of it, and making it sound sinister and dark.

Anyway, i took a risk, it paid off hopefully so thanks all, and especially to those who made me laugh out loud

Enjoy it op! I’d have liked to know what happens next but totally understand why you’re leaving the thread

cabus · Yesterday 19:23

How lovely! Smile

SylvanMoon · Yesterday 19:23

That's lovely for you @BigSpongyHelmet . I hope it all works out for you two. I had a similar sort of experience several decades ago. Was on a dating app in the days before there were even photos online. I was corresponding with several men, where it seemed like ghosting (not the word for it back then) would naturally happen after a couple of email exchanges when one of us would realise there wasn't going to be any real shared points of interest. I felt bad that this one person had not responded after the latest exchange, but put it down to a loss of interest. But because I was more interested in him than in some of the others, thought I'd give it one last go before letting go. Glad I did because he'd been super-busy at work, not that he'd lost interest. Long-story-short, reader I married him and we're still together 30 years later.

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