Partners staying over

[StarClouds]

If you have your children full time and started dating again at what point did you feel comfortable having them over when your kids are in bed? Im thinking around 6 months?

Hire a babysitter, go to the man’s house, book a hotel, have him round when the kids are at school/out for some other reason.

Are you seriously suggesting the only possible way to date a man is to have him in your house at night?

Depends on age of child. When my son was 1 I had a man I’d been going out with four four months stay over, but he was a baby and didn’t know what was going on / he met my friends visiting the house all the time. He also stayed in his cot in his own room. Now my son is three and often comes into my bed at night, I woudknt have a man sleeping there that he didn’t know.

I wouldn’t not hire a sitter online!

You keep saying this, but you are totally missing the point. And tbh, I don’t think you’ll ever get it, however it’s explained.

being a lone parent, exceptionally lonely, whatever, isn’t the priority.

the priority is your kids safety.

that doesn’t change regardless of your circumstances.

being super lonely doesn’t give you carte Blanche to risk your kids safety.

you can be sad about being lonely - I don’t get that but I get that you feel that - but what you can’t do is damage your children to not feel lonely.

babysitters
friends
family
kids going on sleepovers
kids going on play dates
kids being at school
kids old enough to be left alone

there are plenty of options, none of them which require you to live like a nun or put your kids at risk

This is patently ridiculous.

a strange man in the house = fine

a vetted, dbs checked, possibly first aid experienced, safeguarding course complete women = Not fine

you’ve got it backwards

People on here are nuts and they lie. Honestly, you’ll know when it’s right and ask your friends in real life! Here everyone expects to be single until yours kids 25. And not care about any single other thing than your child. This lot must be raising monsters. Good luck

When you need to make stuff up to make your point, you must know it’s completely invalid?

I was being sarcastic but that probably went over your head.
General point still stands, ask your friends, not this lot.

What's more important than your kids' safety? What price is worth paying for a boyfriend?

How many people do you personally know who have been unsafe because their parent introduced them to a partner before the mumsnet state sanctioned appropriate timescale?
it’s exhausting and pretty patronising . We are perfectly capable of deciding when we introduce our children to partners. Do you live all your life in such fear?

Okay well how are you dating this man in the six months lead up to having him stay over? Unless you’re taking the kids on the dates with you, presumably you’ve got some sort of arrangement or workaround. So continue to do that.

it isn’t about ‘living in fear’. Again this is just made up hyperbole to attempt to strengthen an invalid point. It’s about not bringing in a risk which is completely unnecessary. There are plenty of other ways as have been listed over and over again on this thread.

You keep saying strange man, someone you’ve known 6 months isnt a stranger, would you say a woman friend you’ve known 6 months is a stranger? I bet not

I am honestly suprised at some of the responses on here.

Years ago, when I met my 2nd husband, the only timescale that was appropriate for introducing children to new partners was one that you set for yourself, not by other people who don't even know you, your children, or your circumstances.

Surely we are capable of making that decision, and knowing ourselves, when it feels right depending on the man involved, and the child with whom they are to be introduced to.

For some reason MN thinks that anyone who introduces a new man to their child before 6 months is a terrible mother. What do they think is going to happen?

I met my DH and within a couple of months of meeting him knew that he was for keeps and I wanted to marry this man. He felt the same as I did. We met each others families and he met my DD from my first marriage.

The timing felt right to introduce them and they got on like a house on fire and he regularly started to stay overnight in our home, before moving in with us completely after 8 months together.

I never once saw this (or him) as any kind of risk because I trusted this man and it turns out I was right to.

We married, he adopted her, and he has been a loving Dad to her now for over 20 years (and counting)

A lot of women here think that people (especially women) with children blew their first chance and don't deserve to try and have a family unit again.

Are you saying you have no one, not one person, in your life that would be up for doing you a babysitting favour? No family, no friend, no one?

The problem with this entire thread has been that on the YABU side we have had sensible reasons why other parents wouldn’t do it. But on the Yanbu side, not a single response has included any rational argument why you should do it. Just completely ridiculous exaggerations that not one single person on the YABU side has said. Pointless. If you have a reason why it’s a great idea, say that rather than complete drivel about nuns and never ever ever having a single bit of fun or family unit or life ever ever again.

I have family and friends but what makes you think they are up for babysitting my kids?

It’s shocking isnt it! It’s almost as if we should stay alone forever because we dared to become single parents (as if it was a choice)

If he is to come over in the evening AND you say you can pretty much guarantee your children won’t get out bed, won’t need the bathroom, or get a glass of water or a bad dream and find you - then - well they can only still be babies in a cot!

How well did you know him by the time you had him over?

This Op even says “I don’t know him”

really… absolutely no friend or family member would do this for you? Maybe you’d be better off just trying to widen your social group first as this sounds very lonely.

Do you work?

Why? Plenty of people dont want to offer regular babysitting, if I expected my family or friends to have my children you’d call me a cheeky fucker and tell me I chose to have them lol

And I told you that was a auto correct