Partners staying over

[StarClouds]

If you have your children full time and started dating again at what point did you feel comfortable having them over when your kids are in bed? Im thinking around 6 months?

Most humans want romantic partnership. There is nothing more normal and natural than that. The abnormal people are those who get that kind of fulfilment from having children and then find they don't need a partner any more because theyve thrust their kids into that space in their lives.

Lots of people on this site have no one to ever babysit.

Yes it does.

I hope you don’t have children.

It doesnt because they're asleep and not meeting the guy. Can you explain why you think it matters other than you just judging whether you think it is too soon for the mother to be thinking about partners?

Yes it can be - but it can also be measured and sensible .
As in this case.

Also quite an extreme take that nobody here has once suggested the OP should do, or that they do themselves.

Yes, romantic relationships are perfectly normal and lovely with the right person. Nobody has said that just because the OP has kids, she should never date again. Just that it’s not necessary to bring a guy she’s only known for 6 months to her home while her kids are asleep so that they can date and get to know one another.

If he was an established partner who she trusted, I think the replies would have been a lot different.

But if he is in the house with her and isnt staying over or meeting the kids, then there is nothing to worry about.

Everyone here who is saying that adults don't need partners and should just focus on their kids will be thrusting their children into the place of a partner as well as failing to model healthy adult relationships to them. It's creepy tbh.

If you don’t see why this is a bad idea and potentially dangerous, not to mention psychologically damaging to children if they wake to a random man in the house, then no one here can help you.

OP might be adamant that her children never wake up, but I don’t believe that. Just because they’re not babies doesn’t mean they never have a bad dream, feel sick in the night, need something from their mum that requires them getting out of bed. It might happen only occasionally, but it will happen.

Then the poor kid who is already feeling sick and confused because they’re half asleep walks into a random man on the couch with their mum.

Date elsewhere while the kids are at school and get to know someone so that they can eventually be brought back to the house.

At least I’ve seen from this thread that the majority of parents on Mumsnet are sensible and put their kids before their sex life and random men.

I think a lot of women find dating disappointing because they think you can reliably tell if you see a future with someone early on in the relationship. In reality, and in the lives of most men, it takes sometime of a truly established relationship to see how it will work in the long term. So you can wait 2 years to "get to know" someone, wait that long to introduce him to your kids because you believe that you have a real future, and then when he actually has interaction with your whole life, he decides this isn't for him anyway.

So yes you waited 2 years before you introduced this man to your kids, and then as soon as he saw your life in its entirety and became part of it, he opted out. So your kids got to meet a man who quickly dumped you after meeting them despite being around for years previously.

Dating comes with risk. Teaching your kids that relationships end and that they don't all lead to marriage isn't a bad thing.

Are you suggesting that I am the OP because I dont agree with you?

My kids are between mid primary and university age. None of them have woken up in the night for ages. Years. If I think they are likely to due to illness, we usually sleep in with them when they are still little.

Most stable and well rounded children won't be traumatised by waking up and finding a guest in the home that they haven't met. If your child is riddled with anxiety and paranoia due to a unstable background, then I can see why small things like their mother having a friend that they don't know might distress them. Luckily most of us don't have children who are on the brink of a breakdown.

Are you also suggesting I am a sock puppet because I don't agree with you?

So you are suggesting that Me and the OP are the same person? Isn't that troll hunting?

So if someone was posting as 2 posters in the same thread, pretending to be different people, as you are suggesting I am doing now, that wouldn't be trolling?

Anyone with kids knows kids can get up for any reason at anytime. ! .
Your friends that have casual dates around when kids are in bed , well casual means not long lasting, so there will be more dates with diff people .
It’s not exactly good for the kids to wander into sitting room meeting strangers here & there , would you not agree ?

You’re honestly just boring now. You/the OP should just do whatever you want. I really don’t understand the point of this thread - clearly it wasn’t for actual advice.

Have a nice day.

Some kids reliably don't wake up. I can bank on doing things I don't want my kids to see at night knowing none of them will come downstairs until the morning. This is why you can't make blanket rules. It totally depends on the people involved and their unique situation.

So you're going to accuse us of being the same person, against the guidelines of the site, and then just leave the thread?

Casual acquaintances should not be brought into someone’s home with their children there asleep in bed .
In all fairness , come on .
That said I appreciate it must be hard for people when they have no support with their children doing it all alone, & everyone deserves to have company & fun ..

Just personally I never did it , but I had support or I wouldn’t have been able to date .

They will if he is banging their mum on the living room floor

Then she can shag him when they’re at school too, problem solved @StarClouds