Hi guys
first time user.
im really really struggling right now in my relationship. We’ve been together 11 years and have a child together. Throughout the entire relationship there has been issues around alcohol use on my partners side. He doesn’t drink everyday but when he does drink he drinks excessively. Often times his mood will go from happy to depressed and then he becomes verbally abusive towards me (usually started by me commenting that his mood is up and down and I think I do this partly because I’m on edge waiting for it to happen) I absolutely hate being around him when he’s drunk. He’s either really really irritating, overly loud or generally harasses me despite me asking him to leave me alone. Then the awful part where he becomes verbally abusive or argumentative. I’ve told him so many times over the years my feelings around this. He either doesn’t respond and acts like nothing has happened. Denies that he was abusive or very very rarely apologises, says he’s ashamed and then it will ok for a month until the next time. I’ve been called vile names, been criticised and once been shoved.
we recently went on a family holiday with friends. Day one of the holiday he became drunk and accused me of upsetting our child (our child was tired from travelling) I told him twice I hadn’t upset our child, he kept on and spoke to me with such venom and told me he was sticking up “for his child” this was done in a crowded dinner hall. I walked away to diffuse the situation but ended up in tears. The next day I tried to talk about it and he brushed over it and still stuck to the fact he was sticking up for his child and refused to apologise. He still hasn’t apologised. During the same holiday he became so drunk and loud at the pool during the day that I started to feel embarrassed and anxious. He was knocking drinks back one after the other and eventually urinated on himself twice and laughed about it. I’m so disgusted and I genuinely dont think I can get past this. I’m so emotionally drained and I’m so sick of living my life this way every time he’s had a drink. We have zero communication, I feel he is emotionally immature. I’m very rarely interested in intimacy.
He also gropes me a lot despite me telling him to stop and he laughs it off and says he will never stop. I’m not even sure what answer I’m looking for, Im just so lost right now and I feel totally trapped. We are due to get married next year and I really don’t think I can go through with it. But I’m so afraid to sit down with him and tell him this