OP, to add to my previous posts, my friend's husband also had a good job, saved money, was a great cook, all these things. But I think we should judge our relationships by their worst times. That's a much better steer than letting the good times cloud our judgement. And the better parts of him fell apart as he got older and his addiction worsened.
I was married to what they call a dry drunk. He had got sober before meeting me, but he did it on his own, so he never worked the 12-step programme in Alcoholics Anonymous. He may have been sober (although he could never have another drink) but his problems remained. He practiced coercive control and psychological abuse, he had terrible depression, a personality disorder I am sure, and he did weird things like going on a water fast.....for an entire week. He would take a week's holiday from work and eat and drink nothing for seven days except water. The alcohol went away but he remained a complete mess, a mess that he took out on me, in the later years. His problems got worse with time.
Someone else upthread said that a friend's man being sober for three months was a sign that someone can change if they want to. Three months of sobriety is NOTHING. Alcoholics fight a battle every day for the rest of their lives not to drink, and often they give in to that battle. It's a terrible disease that never goes away. It's very common to have periods of years and then fall off the wagon again. And repeated detoxes are really bad for your brain. I IMPLORE you to watch that Louis Theroux documentary.
It's very sad to have to split up, and I have lots of compassion for people struggling with addiction......from a distance.
OP, I cannot say this strongly enough: When it comes to being in a relationship with an alcoholic, it's you or him. He's drowning and he will drag you down with him. As hard and tragic as it is, you have to cut yourself loose, let him drown, and swim to safety. Choose yourself.
It might even be the shove he needs to get sober. If so, don't be tempted to reunite with him in the future, The addiction will always be there, threatening a relapse. What would he do if you got cancer or something? It's my belief that people with alcohol addiction aren't mentally robust enough to cope with the ups and downs of life.