How do I decline meals out with a friend who avoids paying?

[Tigertigers]

A friend wants to eat out and an expensive restaurant with food I don’t like. I don’t want to go as the last few times she has made me pay and not returned the favour.

About a year ago an acquaintance was having the same issue and confided in me. I innocently told him I had the same issue but he went back and blabbed. I no longer speak to him as he was untrustworthy with other confidential issues.

Funnily enough since he told her she bought one takeaway and said it was her turn as he had told her what I had said! I bought the next takeaway a few weeks later. I know I should have told her and not him but she was using me and him for meals because she was pushing her luck.

The food looks disgusting on the menu and I personally don’t want to eat out with her because she likes to ‘take turns’ to pay but she gets out of it and then when you pay for her she leaves half a plate of food. It makes me sick as I am wasting my salary on food to go in the bin. I don’t know why people always want to catch up over expensive meals.

What do I say?

Say you don’t like the food, and you don’t want to pay for food you don’t like

@Tigertigers
No Thankyou, I'm going to be so busy for the unforeseeable future
And another thing
She's no friend I'd ever want near me let alone stuck sharing a meal with......

Me and friend do this but it works fine as we have similar taste and our meals are similar price, and whoever doesn’t pay for the drink and main buys pudding.
didfference is this person isn’t really a friend as you can’t tell her you’re annoyed

50/50 often doesn’t work as one could have more expensive taste, paying for your own is what makes sense

No.
Simple.

What do you say? You just say "No".

"Sorry Sandra, but I have this rare digestive issue which means that I lose my appetite when in the presence of an imperial tight-arse such as your good self. Why don't you ring out for a kebab instead?"

How on earth do you get through life if you can’t manage this simple situation? My god…..

I have a friend who thinks it’s ok to disappear off and leave me to pay for me, her and her kids……I have put a stop to that.

“No thanks I don’t like the look of the menu”
Or
”can I be honest for a minute? I always dread being invited out to eat by you as you always stick me with the bill. I appreciate our friendship but I won’t be doing meals out again”

@Tigertigers she is not a friend.

You just need an honest conversation.

Do not like the menu, do not like taking it in turns to pay, etc.

But honestly I would dump her, shes a user and you dont need her in your life.

Not money for fancy restaurants here. Also not time for useless fake friends like this - job done. My bank account grows healthily, my personal time is free and peaceful, my phone does not give me anxiety

I actually work in hospitality. Seeing the cheap food and how overpriced is when sold, looks criminal to me to eat out

"No, I am not giving you yet another free dinner"

Same here.

Agree to go out. Eat and drink to your hearts content. When the bill comes say ‘I’ve paid for the last two so it must be your turn’. Refuse to pay.

Simple solution, if you don't like the type of food this restaurant serves then don't go!

Exactly. Says it all. If she’s been doing this for ages, then she’s (probably) consciously deciding ahead of time ‘I’m going to squirm out of paying my share again and she’ll pay cos she’s too weak to say anything’. Not a good look from a pal is it? I’d dump her, end of. That’s not how real friends behave.

If you like her company and want to eat with her, then go.

It is the easiest thing in the world to split a bill these days, so perhaps forget the past and do that for the sake of the friendship. You can say something along the lines of "we seem to have lost track of who has paid when, so let's just split going forward."

If she doesn't want to do that, you know where you stand.

If she is generally a dishonest grifter, just say no.

Start picking places with a QR code on the table and say great, we can each order our own food. That way she can't dump the bill on you.

You need to be clear, she is pushing boundaries as she knows you are too polite (this is a good trait, just gets abused by the wrong people).
just say “no, I don’t like the food there and from
now on we pay 50/50 as alternate paying isn’t working for me / I feel I pay more than you”.

I have uncovered the holy grail these past few years that people are cf.

@Tigertigers

Kindly, OP, this.

I wouldn't even have a drink with her, as she'll still expect you to pay.

Only go if you're going to bite the bullet and tell her you'll get your own drink and she can go up to the bar herself for her own.

Dear God why is it so difficult for neurotypical people to be honest? It really grinds my gears! If it was me I would simply say "sorry the food looks like dog 💩, so count me out".

This! I'd rather have no friends than have friends like that! Trust me life is so much better and more peaceful once you learn to actually enjoy your own company.