How do I decline meals out with a friend who avoids paying?

[Tigertigers]

A friend wants to eat out and an expensive restaurant with food I don’t like. I don’t want to go as the last few times she has made me pay and not returned the favour.

About a year ago an acquaintance was having the same issue and confided in me. I innocently told him I had the same issue but he went back and blabbed. I no longer speak to him as he was untrustworthy with other confidential issues.

Funnily enough since he told her she bought one takeaway and said it was her turn as he had told her what I had said! I bought the next takeaway a few weeks later. I know I should have told her and not him but she was using me and him for meals because she was pushing her luck.

The food looks disgusting on the menu and I personally don’t want to eat out with her because she likes to ‘take turns’ to pay but she gets out of it and then when you pay for her she leaves half a plate of food. It makes me sick as I am wasting my salary on food to go in the bin. I don’t know why people always want to catch up over expensive meals.

What do I say?

So if you like spending time with her and this is the only problem I'd say to her maybe we could go somewhere different you choose and we could go halves.

If you're not keen on her and she's just a grafter just say no I'm sorry I'm busy can't commit at the min to anything. She knows she's taking the mick so prepare yourself for any tantrum.

Just say no thanks. It would be good to be honest and tell her why, but I know that can be difficult.

Easy. You just say no thanks. You’re a ponce and I’m fed up with you using people to get free meals. Simple

They cant punch your pronouns.

Say "As long as we both pay for ourselves as I can't afford to split uneven bill" or "I don't fancy menu" if that's the case. Anyone who's not OK with that is showing they are looking for benefit for themselves. Everyone always knows who's on the take! Any reasonable friend who realises you're worried about costs would be mortified to think you might be paying towards them. Seriously if they're always on take from mates - what sort of friend are they?

Hi x, love to come to dinner with you but just to be clear, it is your turn to pay this time, I having got the last few. So long as this is okay I am really looking forward to it. I do not think you will here any more from her.

’ I don’t want to go as the last few times she has made me pay and not returned the favour.’

I understand one mistake but why do you keep going back and doing the same thing? Why don’t you go for a beer in Wetherspoons or something?

It sounds like you have issues setting boundaries?

Usually id agree but im trying to budget at the moment and i really dont have the funds. Ill havr to miss this one out.

Those people never transfer owed money.

I wouldn't suggest splitting the bill as someone this selfish will order all the expensive stuff. Better to just say you should each pay for your own order.

I have seen your update that you are going for a drink. I'm betting you have the same problem with cocktails on your round and a coke on hers - let us know if you do!

"No thanks. I don't like the look of the food and last time you landed me with the entire bill."

Mmmmmmm an entire menu is ‘disgusting’?

And another person ‘makes’ you pay for them then leaves most of the food?

This really reads like you don’t like her. Just say no and step back from a friendship that’s making you sound miserable and unpleasant.

I would not go. I have a friend like this that “splits the bill “ but likes to buy of the expensive menu and wines and cocktails but then splits the bill when you had the set menu in an over the top expensive restaurant they picked. . Just say no and invite her to eat in.

Either say no, or say ok thanks your turn to pay.

Just block her and him and get friends who will treat you with respect.

She knows what she’s doing. I’d just give her the push and find better friends.

Don't go

Next time you see her, make up an anecdote about another friend and how she's always manipulating you into paying for her meal and how much it pisses you off. I did this once and it worked a treat. You're obliquely making your boundaries clear without an actual confrontation.

Exactly this answer and add, “from now on we should split the bill each time moving forwards”.

Another phrase to get out of it this month is “Sorry, I didn’t budget for that this month/week”.

Her reaction to that will speak volumes as they are reasonable boundaries you’re setting.

I lost a friend when a set a boundary like this. Had known her since I was 8 years old. I’m better off without.

You don't go in rounds with a non payer

say separate bills when you order!

I don’t really like eating out, so generally I manage to avoid it.

I just say I’d rather not catch up over food and would they fancy a different activity instead. There’s so much to choose from and they’re kinder on your wallet and much better for actually chatting

Learn to spell.

What do you mean, she "made" you pay?

How about:
"It seems silly to be alternating who pays, and trying to keep track. Let's just get separate checks."

"Let's just pay for our own meals" from now on. If she disagrees, then say "sorry, can't make it".