A friends husband is calling me

[littlelongstockings]

I am friends with a lady from our children’s school, we have been friends for about 2 years. We meet up once every few months with the children and her husband always comes along too.

A week or so ago her husband private messaged me on Facebook asking how my “solo weekend” was going as he knew I had the weekend to myself and also talking about a famous family member of mine. I didn’t think too much in to it and ended the conversation quite quickly. Thisafternoon he called me on facebook 3 times in a row, I didn’t answer but messaged back asking if all was okay and if he meant to ring me, he said he was just calling for a catch up but he’s busy now and will call again tomorrow to chat.

This is the first time he has spoken to me outside of when we all meet up. Am I right in thinking this is slightly odd? Does he just see me as a friend too? I just don’t think I would ever call my husbands friend 3 times in a row for a catch up.

I would've sent the same message you did to your friend, especially as his behaviour is out the ordinary! He's probably gone quiet as his wife has asked him wtf he's playing at 😂

@Blueshape@OnlyUsername I meant the whole thing is odd not the fact he didn’t reply! I’m sure he’s got the message now.

Friend replied saying “I’m fine thanks-was this message meant for me? He is out atm but will ask him when he is back”

Is it because hes found out you have a famous relative and hes hoping to meet them?

"Yes it was for you and send the screenshots. Don't hold on to them. She clearly doesn't know he is doing it or she'd have not questioned if the messages were for her.

Absolutely this…

This if you haven't already.

Did you not use DH's name in the message?

Oh dear. You're the first to report this back to her then!

Agreed!

Yes I did use her husbands name in the message. She said “odd-are you sure it was him? Did he leave a message?” I sent the screenshots and she replied “ok thanks x”

What a weird reply!! (The one saying is this meant for me 🤣)

Be prepared that she may shoot the messenger sadly, but you did the right thing. His behaviour needed to be flagged. I will bet it’s not the first time he’s been weird with a pal of hers too.

Good idea sending the screenshots. Evidence! She sounded surprised. There’ll be interesting conversations had in that household tonight. Wonder what his excuse will be.

Yeah unfortunately I think the friendship is over but at least she knows what her husband is up to.

Men are such idiots 🙄

I think your username is reflective of his plans 😆

Why will our friendship likely be over? It was him that made this mistake, not myself. Maybe if he hadn’t have tagged along to all our mum and kids meet ups this wouldn’t have happened.

Yeah I think the friendship will be damaged. I wouldn't have messaged her but too late now

He’s gonna come out with some cock and bull story and you will get the blame.

I imagine the friend can read between the lines, but will have to save face here

First Rule of Misogyny: Women are responsible for what men do

OP: you have done nothing wrong. Remember that.

Totally depends.
You might indeed be 'shot' as the messenger.

• Her DH might make up some bullshit lie to explain his behaviour away and paint you as being inappropriate or deluded (well-known trick, that one), and she might choose to believe him. She might not really believe him but she might want to, because facing up to the possibility of your DH being a creep is scary, and it is easier to pretend it's all ok and ditch a friend.
• Alternatively she might believe that her DH is doing something inappropriate / weird here and blame him for it but still feel insecure about you being in her life (especially if she thinks he fancies / intensely likes you)... or even just knowing that you know might make her feel embarrassed and want to avoid you.

Perhaps there will be an explanation that genuinely makes sense, or perhaps she will continue to value your friendship as much as before and not let this get in the way of it. I agree that you did the right thing here. It's just that sadly these situations are tricky and it can be difficult to see them ending well. Hope I'm being too pessimistic!

It depends on your friend but having read lots of similar threads on MN - many people who tell the wife about their partner’s misdeeds get the blame sadly! It’s either that they get accused of leading the person on, or because the wife is embarrassed, messenger doesn’t get believed so get accused of “stirring”, all sorts of reasons.

I still think you did the right thing.

Actually he could be calling about a surprise event for his wife and wants to invite you or for your ideas. Best answer his call and find out exactly what he wants before thinking the worst of him I suppose.

Because he’ll blame you and his wife will take his side.

Unless she leaves the bastard but even then she’ll likely resent you.

It’s shit but he’s basically sabotaged the friendship. I’d block him on everything.

I found that a bit harsh too.