A friends husband is calling me

[littlelongstockings]

I am friends with a lady from our children’s school, we have been friends for about 2 years. We meet up once every few months with the children and her husband always comes along too.

A week or so ago her husband private messaged me on Facebook asking how my “solo weekend” was going as he knew I had the weekend to myself and also talking about a famous family member of mine. I didn’t think too much in to it and ended the conversation quite quickly. Thisafternoon he called me on facebook 3 times in a row, I didn’t answer but messaged back asking if all was okay and if he meant to ring me, he said he was just calling for a catch up but he’s busy now and will call again tomorrow to chat.

This is the first time he has spoken to me outside of when we all meet up. Am I right in thinking this is slightly odd? Does he just see me as a friend too? I just don’t think I would ever call my husbands friend 3 times in a row for a catch up.

You should have just answered it to see what he wanted. It's 100 percent possible he's arranging a surprise birthday party for her and he's trying to get a sense of when people are available. Does she have a big birthday coming up? He might not have wanted to message you in case she saw it.

If it's not that, then yes, it's really weird.

@GreyCarpet Yes she is around 15 years older than me and I’m in my early 30s

Good - and keep them for as long as necessary.

As others have said, unfortunately and learnt through my own experience, many wives don’t want to believe it’s their husbands that are at fault/doing the chasing and you end up being blamed.

Almost guaranteed this isn’t the first time he’s done this, so will be experienced enough to cover his tracks and gaslight all those around him. I hope not, but you might need that evidence to be able to (unfairly) prove your innocence.

You will probably have to accept the friendship with his wife will not recover either.

@CrazyMidget No she hasn’t got a big birthday coming up. If it was for that kind of reason I would expect him to have called me once and then said something like “call me back when you can, I have something I want to discuss/go over with you”

The dirty bugger is undoubtedly trying it on. You say you're 20 years his junior? He is using your famous relative as a hook to catch you. But he really just wants to get into your knickers. But that's (far too many) men for you I'm afraid OP.

My god, what is wrong with men that they do this! He still pursued you despite you blocking him! It's actually scary.

I have a male stalker (fortunately on another continent) who shows this level of insane persistence as well. Hundreds of faux requests for work on my website, emails, letters, cards, presents, for 5 years! It's nuts and beyond creepy, and I've had to plan with the police what to do if the lunatic turns up on my doorstep!

I'm sorry you went through this, and I'm sorry for OP too.

Well then why is he only trying to contact the OP when his wife isn't around?

Don't feed the troll sweetie, probably judging you by thier own standards.

And the only possible time of day that these blaggers ever try to contact people is during the school run when their wife is out of the way?

I have a genuine male friend who is 23 years older than me.

I am now 52.

When I was in my mid 40s, one of his friends made contact with me under the guise of arranging a party for him. Anyway, several inappropriate messages later (all of which I ignored), I told my friend about it and it never happened again 😇

I was also contacted genuinely by a friend's husband about a big birthday party. He sent a single message explaining that and asking me if I were free. He didn't make several phone calls.

OP, do not give this man the benefit of the doubt. He knows what he is doing. He also knows what it looks like. He's relying on your politeness for a response and your embarrassment/desire to not upset your friend for his protection.

Good on you for messaging his wife. Did she reply?

In that case, she would also know what he is doing even if she denied it were that.

Totally agree! Well done!

Monty Don?! Alan Titchmarsh?!

You haven't made yourself look like a fool at all. She's your friend, not him, so it would be totally natural to contact her about it.

I think you've handled that perfectly OP, and this nosy cow is dying to hear how they both respond.

God. No wonder this is the state when people think say he's been hacked, shall I be lighthearted? is they way to deal with a potential sex pest.

I promise you his behaviour is not perfectly normal

He’s either trying for a sly shag on the side

Or he has an open marriage

But no normal friends husband will be calling their wife’s friend a couple of times on the same day without an ulterior motive

Why would she be? Don't be snide.

@Makebelieveanotherlife No she hasn’t replied yet! She hasn’t even read the message yet. She usually doesn’t reply until later in the evening!

He has read my message on Facebook and hasn’t responded! Very odd

I don't think it's odd that he hasn't replied. You've made it clear he won't be getting what he wanted so there's no point in replying. I imagine he'll just pretend the whole thing never happened.

Not it's not. What would he say? You've made it clear you know what he wants.

Make sure you screen shot the messages.

ugh just say oh well if it’s nothing urgent im a bit busy for a chat, I’ll see you next week at the school gate (or whatever)