Have I been naive to think love can be unconditional?

[Alupalu2020]

This might seem like a silly observation, but I feel like I’ve only just realised that ALL love is conditional.

i feel like I got married quite early on, and was very much in a ‘I’ll love you forever no matter what’ phase, and I genuinely thought that this feeling would be like this forever & nothing could make me change my mind and that he would also feel the same about me.

over the years I’ve noticed how differently he began to treat me, two kids, lots of stress, redundancies, job losses, new job struggles & weight/body changes - these have all played a part in big changes in our relationship - however I genuinely thought that no-matter what, he would always love me regardless.

was I just disillusioned? Is it stupid to think that someone can love you unconditionally?

The only unconditional love is that between a parent and child. Believing anything else leaves a person open to abuse/exploitation.

Seems an odd thought to me. I would always say that romantic love is a choice.

Love for my children, maybe that's unconditional, but then again if they turned out to be monsters then I don't know

I have unconditional love for my children. Honestly… they could commit the most heinous crime known to man, and I would still love them. Differently? Yes. But love? Yes. And they would always be welcome at my home. And I would visit in prison.

but they are the only people i have unconditional love for

It’s a lovely ideal and there are different forms of love but I think it’s probably not completely possible in a romantic relationship.

You talk about how he feels for you

What about you? @Alupalu2020 He could do ANYTHING and you’d love him?

In my experience the only love that is unconditional is with my animals.

Agree with everyone else, the only unconditional love really is the one between parent and child. Romantic love should never be unconditional really, as that leaves you open to abuse.

Ime even when your dc commits a terrible crime you still love them...
Even if you dont /can't see them ..
Worse than if they had died..
You can grieve the dead in public...admitting you still love a 'monster 'not so acceptable.

What they said ^

Romantic love should always be conditional.

I adore my husband, he’s incredible, I’m smitten, he’s the best man I’ve ever known.

If he hurt one of our children he would be dead to me.

And if your animal mauled to death one of your children?

Whereas if by some bizarre reason my child mauled to Death my dog, I would still love my child. Not the other way around

I agree that unconditional love is for children and family pets. The Disney ideals of romantic love forever, no matter what the other person does makes people lose themselves in relationships

Agree with pp, the only unconditional love I have is for my children. There are absolutely conditions on my love for DH.

The only unconditional love is parent to child (not child to parent) and predominantly mother - child and even that is sorely tested

imo even that is not truly unconditional in all cases some children are just bad eggs who push their parents beyond the pale...

Also dogs to owners and maybe vice versa

Would you always love him regardless of what happened? I don’t feel that way about my DH. I love my son unconditionally and I make sure he knows that; I always felt like my mum’s love for me was conditional and it’s been very damaging over the years.

Early into our relationship my ex husband told me he loved me unconditionally.

Unfortunately he was a narcissist and emotionally abused me.

I think we all want to love and be loved unconditionally but realistically this just isn't possible once we've grown up.

The closest I had to it was with my now deceased beautiful dog.

Totally agree.

I don't have children and it is quite unlikely that my cat or ponies would maul anybody.

I have of course been a child though and I can tell you that it is not given that every parent has unconditional love for a child and therefore the same can apply from child to parent.

In my experience animals are more trustworthy, more honest, and more purely giving of love than humans.

That was my point.

We all speak from our own experience.

I'm surprised that anyone would expect love for a spouse to be unconditional. Surely that wouldn't be healthy?!

I love my DH but it's absolutely and 100% conditional - I certainly wouldn't stay with him if he was abusive, for example, or if he cheated, or if he started using drugs or committing crimes etc.

I think the only truly unconditional love is from parents towards their children. I genuinely can't imagine anything that my dd could ever do that would stop me from loving her. But I don't think that applies to anyone else.

This - and the love between a well treated pet and their owner. That’s it. All other love, especially romantic love, is absolutely conditional.

And sometimes, parental love isnt unconditional.

Of course it’s conditional; either party might change massively?

My ex husbands mum and dad have actively supported their son after he abused my children (and me but I guess I’m not blood so I understand their allegiance there). So it seems unconditional love does exist, as much as it absolutely disgusts me in this instance.

No love between unrelated adults is unconditional. Viewing romantic love as unconditional is really damaging. Love has to be nurtured and fed, and never taken for granted.

I am a huge animal lover and am lucky enough to live and work with animals and share my life with them.

I would say that an animal’s love for us is fairly conditional tbh! That honesty you talk about is them making their needs known to us; and I think that is a very good thing.

Yes you will get some dogs who stay faithful to those who mistreat them but generally they show some degree of protest if they are not being treated right. And thank heavens for that!

As for love between two adults op, let’s just say it’s a lot easier for romantic love to thrive when two people take responsibility for themselves and one another, Love is very much a verb not a feeling.