Have I been naive to think love can be unconditional?

[Alupalu2020]

This might seem like a silly observation, but I feel like I’ve only just realised that ALL love is conditional.

i feel like I got married quite early on, and was very much in a ‘I’ll love you forever no matter what’ phase, and I genuinely thought that this feeling would be like this forever & nothing could make me change my mind and that he would also feel the same about me.

over the years I’ve noticed how differently he began to treat me, two kids, lots of stress, redundancies, job losses, new job struggles & weight/body changes - these have all played a part in big changes in our relationship - however I genuinely thought that no-matter what, he would always love me regardless.

was I just disillusioned? Is it stupid to think that someone can love you unconditionally?

No
i Would report them to the police
If they abused a child, any child, I would report them to the police.

i would still love them
I would visit them

This ⬆️

Spot on.
Something a lot of men really struggle with yet don't realise often their love is conditional on what their wife does for them.

Watching The Jury and most of the apparently nice men were commenting that they'd be angry enough to kill their wife if their home looked like the victim's. Comments like this shows society has a long way to go before men recognise they don't just want someone who loves them (unconditionally or not) but won't recognise the work done for them either.

Wow you would still love and house an adult child who raped you and beat you up. I don't know what to say.

But you specifically said they’d have a bedroom in your home and it’s that which has confused me.

Romantic love IS supposed to be conditional.

Do you think they would have shown you equal unconditional love if they had killed and abused your children?

Adult children do rape and beat up parents, and even kill them. Acting like someone dangerous is not dangerous, is not bright.

I have heard a mum say whose adult son was like this, I love the little boy he was, I don't love the man.

The only person who loves me unconditionally is my mum ( dad's gone) and the only people I love unconditionally are my kids. That's as it should be.

I don’t think or expect my children to love me unconditionally and now where did I even suggest that

Yes if they were released from prison

if my other child was still alive and living with me - that would not be the case. I would financially support the released prisoner child (!) and visit them

What?? According to whom? Romantic novelists

But bringing people into this world, isn't that what you would hope for if that is what you give? Or do you want your children to not be able to love unconditionally because it could cause them to feel they can do whatever they like and be forgiven?

Well I would report them to the police and they would be imprisoned

would I visit them? Yes

More likely a psychiatric hospital I would be visiting them in

Why? Men do this who are not mentally ill.

I think all love is conditional on being loved back. I simply can't love anyone who doesn't love me. I can do my duty towards them, as I did for my parents for a long time, but love flourishes when it is mutual. It withers if it is one-sided.

According to reason. You’re supposed to fall out of love for self preservation reasons, if the person you’re with is making you miserable, or is abusive, cheating, useless etc. Anything else is probably codependency and unhealthy/toxic, not “love”.

Married love is not unconditional. It relies on both partners treating each other with kindness, consideration and respect, and on both ensuring that the other doesn’t feel taken for granted.

I think unconditional love is not a good thing. Love should be conditional.

The closest unconditional love is between a parent and child but even then there are serious things I could not forgive my child for.

if my son abused and attacked me it would be because he was suffering an acute mental illness

I reported one dc for SA against another dc...
Them being removed from the family home was taken out of my hands.

They went to foster dps. Honestly nobody can pre determine how they would feel. Torn in 2 is a true emotional place to be . It's hideous.

Do you still love them?

I am sorry so sorry for what you have family have endured

My dh only the other day asked me if I lived him unconditionally, I hesitated for a nanosecond ( didn’t know how to say it nicely) but said no actually , and he said he didn’t either😂 so we both know where we stand! Kids tho, yes.

Though tbf it would take a lot for me to not love him. Maybe Yorkshire ripper level .